If he is controlling and emotionally abusive, then if you stand up to him effectively, he will not want to continue in the relationship. So if you decide to stand up to him, you must be prepared to lose him and to live on your own. If you are prepared to do this, then stand up to him.
As for how to stand up to a bully....I would strongly suggest you read two books:
The first one is, Take the Bully by the Horns by Sam Horn. This book explains how to act and how to talk to a bully. I have found it very helpful.
The second one is, The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker. This book explains how to be safe in a threatening and sometimes violent world. It teaches us how to be safe people in any situation.
Both books are good reading; they will not bore you, I promise. And they will educate you about dealing with bullies. That is what a controlling abusive person is, you know, a bully. Bullies usually pick people who are not good at standing up to them. If those people change, they often look for a new victim. Maybe it's time for someone else to take over your job as victim.
If life would be better without him, you may need to consider leaving. Most bullies don't change because, ultimately, it's just easier for them to find a new victim than to adjust to having less power in the relationship.
I wish I could help more...this is what I can think of. Get the support of your friends and family. Make any preparations for what you think may be likely to occur, and then just do it. There really isn't an easy way I'm afraid.
You can do this by looking inside yourself. You are in this "not so healthy" marriage by choice. Why do you choose to be with someone who is abusive? There is something about yourself you need to forgive and heal in order for you to feel you are worth more than this type of behavior.
Looking inside yourself you will find the answer....otherwise, try reading YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE by Louise Hay...it will help you help yourself in turn you can decide how to handle your situation. Positive vibes to you for a successful outcome.
Firstly, you should ask yourself if you love him, and why are you with him. Does he have any saving graces? Men like this don't really change, and there's a point you have to reach where you have to admit to yourself that he isn't, and you aren't going to be able to change him either. Situations like this can turn into physical abuse, especially if they think of you as weak and think you incapable of taking a stand. It is frightening to make that initial break, especially if you have been with them a long time or you're financially dependent, and this is what they count on.
I've been in your situation, and for a long time I stuck it out thinking I could change him, then we had a baby, and I thought that would change him too, but he got worse, because he was no longer the main focus, and got more and more violent. In the end while he was out one day, and he'd locked me in, I stuffed some things into carrier bags for myself and my daughter and hid them under the stairs. When he came back and went upstairs to use the bathroom, I grabbed our things and I ran.
So speaking from the heart and from experience you need to think about why you are with him, and how this is affecting you. Imagine yourself so many years from now, with him and possibly children, and think of what your lives would be like. Is that really what you want? When I asked myself these questions I realised that as time went on it would wear me down, take my confidence and self esteem, and I thought what if he was the same with our daughter, and THAT is what made my mind up to go.
You need to think these things over, and if you decide you want to go, have a plan and prepare for it, then do it as soon as you can.
take a frying pan to the side of his head =) just kidding. like they said, remember who you are! and always remember that you deserve better than the person who doesn't deserve you!
Shout louder than he does - tell him you not his puppet and if he abuses you ... oh boy ... he WILL sleep tonight and then you LAMBASE him with the biggest frying pan you have in your kitchen and if cops come ... profess you did it in self defence! ... it works ...
First do not believe what he says about you . Good you know what he is doing. Be strong do not fight back cause you will never win. Just tell him what you feel in a calm and cool maner Walk away and even leave for awhile if he does not change. I was in that situation and because I handled it wrong my life fell apart. I would fit with him and of course everything he did wrong was because of me, made me look bad to the family (when he was the jerk) I just got worse then he left Me? and I really felt like a loser
Hmm. Difficult. Remember who you are, dont listen to him if he puts you down. Know who you are, believe that you have the strenght to do so, and be carefull. I dont know your husband, but I do know that emotional abuse, easily turns into physical abuse.
It always starts inside first. Research all you can about building up inner strength dealing with abuse. It'll help you in the long run.