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How can I celebrate Christmas for kids when everything reminds me of last year when I found out he was cheating?

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Asked By: saidanddone 36-40, F  5 months ago

I hate Christmas now! I'm not shopping and I don't want a tree. I feel so sad for the kids though. But what am I supposed to do? Should I fake being a happy family?

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    Best Answer (Chosen By Asker):

    DisorderlyCyn - 41-45 years old - female

    Posted by DisorderlyCyn Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:18PM

    Yes you need to suck it up, put on your big girl panties and avoid showing your unhappiness for your children. You don't have to be Mary Sunshine but you can be attentive to them and enjoy their happiness. All that stress is not good for children and it will stick with them for the rest of their lives in all sorts of ways.

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  1. saidanddone - 36-40 years old - female

    Reply by saidanddone Dec 7th, 2012 at 6:33PM

    I don't want to damage them for life or anything but I remember plenty of Holidays when I got a ton of presents and my parents were so phony and my Dad was a real jerk and everyone was so unhappy! I would have given anything just to have a happy family but my Mom thought she could make us happy with a bunch of presents.

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  2. DisorderlyCyn - 41-45 years old - female

    Reply by DisorderlyCyn Dec 7th, 2012 at 11:21PM

    If you can't successfully act happy for your children knowing it's Christmas then you're not practicing good parenting. I'm sorry but you just shouldn't do that to them. Don't make excuses for being pouty. Get over your disappointment that things have changed in a bad way for them. Put it aside, lock it away, do what you have to do to appreciate the joy you find in your children and whatever else hasn't done you wrong. It's not faking it. It's putting them first and giving them what they need. You can pout later if you still feel you must.

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11 Answers to "How can I celebrate Christmas for kids when everything reminds me of last year when I found out he was cheating?"

  1. daviesgirl - 41-45 years old - female

    Posted by daviesgirl Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:12PM

    You have to pretend to be happy if only for the kids.
    Look on it as a positive. You are celebrating being free of this cheater, living life how YOU want it and doing the best YOU possibly can for your kids. It is him who has lost out on family life and you need to make yours better and stronger.

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  2. saidanddone - 36-40 years old - female

    Reply by saidanddone Dec 7th, 2012 at 6:30PM

    I'm not free from him. He's still here but we're not talking. We can't even afford to be separated. How pathetic! I wish I could fake like I'm happy. I'm just so down now that I don't care about anything.

    Like (1)

  3. DisorderlyCyn - 41-45 years old - female

    Reply by DisorderlyCyn Dec 7th, 2012 at 11:25PM

    Have you talked to anyone about it? Like a counselor/therapist? You would really do well with some support. Do your kids know he cheated? They just really don't need to know that stuff, I'm sure you know. I always heard it in my family and I know the damage it does to kids.

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  4. karma14 - 51-55 years old

    Posted by karma14 Dec 8th, 2012 at 3:29PM

    I found out my ex cheated on the October- and couldnt possibly fake a happy family christmas-BUT- made it a different christmas, and it was a great . they can spend time with their dad and his family for part of the day- and then with you for another part. They will know you are no longer "together" but that they are still loved by both of you. Go to family, go out for dinner or have friends round, keep busy and you Will enjoy, and yes, better to discover now about his cheating ways and begin a new chapter. good luck,all the advise is well meant. x

    Like (1)

  5. mrssgt - 41-45 years old - female

    Posted by mrssgt Dec 7th, 2012 at 6:24PM

    fake it honey......have a great x-mas & dont let him wreck it for the kids...but especially for YOU!!!!!!!!!! time to make x-mas & all other times fun & happy :) best of luck....

    Like (1)

  6. benetal - 70+ years old

    Posted by benetal Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:16PM

    Last year is gone and tomorrow hasn't happened yet. The only time that makes sense is to-day. Enjoy your kids100% and give yourself something wonderful. HUGS

    Like (1)

  7. caithness - 51-55 years old - female

    Posted by caithness Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:12PM

    You HAVE to fake it. do not ruin christmas for any kid because YOU made a bad choice in men. Get over it and make it good for the kids.

    Like (1)

  8. Sadandsulkingpuppy - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by Sadandsulkingpuppy Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:11PM

    Your kids are gonna have to understand being a mother is very stressful more so when you're having issues with your spouse! Perhaps there is something else you and the kids can do?!

    Like (1)

  9. Thekidsmom - 36-40 years old - female

    Posted by Thekidsmom Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:11PM

    You just answered your own question. For the kids. Stop being selfish. I know its hard and it hurts. But, this is for them...not him, or you. Think of THEM.

    Like (1)

  10. blonde2521 - 41-45 years old - female

    Posted by blonde2521 Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:10PM

    do it for your children, they are the most important people in your life right now. never mind him. throw all your energies into them...

    Like (1)

  11. psilence29 - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by psilence29 Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:10PM

    I would say try your best, or they'll remember Christmas as a time of glum sadness.

    Like (1)

  12. oncemoor - 41-45 years old - male

    Posted by oncemoor Dec 7th, 2012 at 4:10PM

    Because Christmas isn't about you.. it is about your kids. Are you kidding me here?

    Like (1)

  13. saidanddone - 36-40 years old - female

    Reply by saidanddone Dec 7th, 2012 at 6:52PM

    It's not like that. I don't care about me. I'm just trying to sort out this mess.

    Like (1)

  14. oncemoor - 41-45 years old - male

    Reply by oncemoor Dec 7th, 2012 at 7:02PM

    Sorry I get a bit sensitive about kids and Christmas and Mothers in general. My Father died when I was a 11 and my mother had a terrible life working two waitress jobs to just to make things work. But she never let that steal our childhood and always put us first even though she was dying inside (literally she had cancer). And to this day, I remember my mother with the utmost respect and love. She was a person that was dealt a crappy hand but never let it effect our lives. So I would say for your kids sake you need to suck it up and one day they will understand your pain and appreciate what you did. If not they will be sitting on a couch one day explaining why their parents were the cause of all their failures.

    Like (1)

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