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I lost my grandma in September of this year and this will be the first Christmas without her. I'm actually dreading Christmas whereas everyone else like friends are looking forward to it. I don't know how i'm going to cope with Christmas this year because the weeks that lead up to it feel like they're getting even more difficult. I'm not really coping as well as i want to be at the moment. Please all i ask for is some advice and support and no negative feedback:( xx
deexx deexx 13-15, F 7 Answers Dec 11, 2012 in Health

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These are the hard times, especially the first. I wondered how I would cope that first Christmas after I lost my wife and, for the most part, I ignored the Christmas experience. My daughter and I spent the day together just eating chocolate and watching whatever on the tv. For the next year their are going to be loads of events and special days that you will need to face for the first time without your grandma. I would like to say that it gets better, time is a great healer and all that but I can't. It's close to eight years for me and I can still find tears coming from nowhere.

We cope because we have to!

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it'll be hard, but she will not want you being sad, try have a good time

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I lost my best friend a few years ago, and then one of my grandparents died two days after X-mas, so I can really empathize. It's still really difficult; some days are a lot worse than others. Honestly, this might be cold comfort, but in time things do get (somewhat) easier: we're just wired that way. Here is maybe the best piece of advice I've ever received: Don't feel like sh!t for feeling like sh!t when you feel like sh!t. Take it one day at a time and try not to isolate yourself.

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Hey, Yeah first christmas without her is going to be really difficult. I've heard that advice before hate feeling like sh!t it's horrible xx

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Well there is no easy way to deal with it honestly. My mom died when I was 12 and that Christmas was by far the worst but I did try to remember her in spirit, and how much she loved Christmas helped me a little bit. Mostly it just takes time and patience with yourself to be able to let their death go and be able to smile in their memories instead of crying or being depressed. Just remember Christmas time is a time for family, love, and togetherness. I'm sure she will be with you in spirit so give it your best!

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Its good to allow yourself to feel what you feel but at the same time dont "milk it" because you dont want natural emotions to become habbit. When the day is finally here (christmas) Focus on whats happening around you. Cry if you desire but if you dont want to cry you dont need to, whether it be on christmas or any other day and if one day you feel a nothing-ness let it be let it rest, fore it shall melt away. In your daily life see the nice things the day brings you, and enjoy them. Your grandma is not here to enjoy them now but she had her time and place to and would like for you to find your own joys until the day your turn to die appears.

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Thank you for your reply to my question. I agree I let myself feel how im feeling instead of avoiding it because I've been told lots of times that it makes things worse if you bottle things up and avoid feelings xx

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you are grieving for a loved one



............. and the first anniversaries, such as christmas, their birthday, your birthday..... will be painfully sad.



my suggestion.... allow yourself to do what YOU need to do. so, if you need to cry... do it, don't fight it.... the tears will stop and the sadness will pass..... if you try to suppress it.... it will only make it worse.



also, allow your self to enjoy christmas as much as you feel able to and have as much fun as you feel able to..... grief makes us juggle our feelings, from one to another.... and we all do it differently. above all trust yourself to find a way forward.



the awful sadness will give way to happy memories of her and how she was.... you will still miss her.... but not in the terrible painful way that you will feel at the beginning.



respect to you and thank you for sharing your loss.



from robbie

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Thank you Robbie. Some family members and also teachers at my school told me that its okay to cry. The grieving process is one long difficult journey which can sometimes feel like its never going to end. The pain from grief is so bad it's hard to express in words. Just miss my grandma lots :( xx

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grandmas are special..... their loss is never easy, whatever your age. you are right that grief feelslike it is never going to end.... and then unexpectedly, one day you will realise that the pain is gone. talk about her when you feel able to, cry when you need to... and ignore anyone who says you should be over it by now.... we all grieve at different speeds, in different ways. take care, be kind to your heart whilst it is hurting. robbie

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