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I'm worried that my mother in law will never let my boyfriend and I have a normal life. My boyfriend used to live with her, but since he moved out and moved in with me, I have noticed how emotionally dependent she is. I know that it will take time for her to adjust herself to living on her own (she is divorced; she also has a daughter but she moved to another city), but it has been eight months now and my boyfriend still needs to visit her twice a week on his days off to bring her grocery shopping and take her to the hairdressers, even though she has a car and could do those things on her own. His mom is depressed and has no friends, so I understand why he is so worried about her, but it ends up that we don't spend much time together because he has always something planned with her at least twice a week. Recently we have been talking about getting married, but he shocked me by saying that his mom wanted to design my engagement ring! How can I deal with someone that controlling?
littlemissdesperate littlemissdesperate 31-35 6 Answers Mar 13 in Dating & Relationships

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ever see that show bates motel? his mom is dependent on him and he hasn't cut the cord. She can move on and shes knows it, she dosent want to lose her baby boy, as for the ring, forget that $hit, you say NO. message me if u want for more advice, take it or leave it

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Thank you so much for the advice. I haven't watched this series yet, but I will. About the ring, I have already said no, but it shocked me that he thinks this is a brilliant idea. He also said that she already has the whole wedding planned! It feels that he just wants to make his mom happy, and I will always have a second place in his life.

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Your MIL doesn't sound depressed; she sounds manipulative. I'm going through the same thing right now. (Except we've been married 7 months, together for 6 1/2 years, and lived together for 5 1/2 years.) <br />
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If I could do the whole thing over, I would have insisted on boundaries long ago. Does she have a driver's license? Or know how the bus system works? If yes to either, she's perfectly capable of getting her own groceries and getting herself to her hair appointments. <br />
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I recommend doing some reading on enmeshed men and manipulative mothers (in law). Their relationship is not normal, nor is their relationship fair to you. Please-- think long and hard about your wants in life. My MIL started off just wanting to talk to my husband at odd hours of the day/night, and now she's trying to destroy our marriage. Please, arm yourself with knowledge, and knowing that you probably won't ever be able to fully extract him from your clutches, decide whether this is a relationship you want. <br />
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Best of luck to you!

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Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me; you are absolutely right. My boyfriend's mom is manipulative to a point that she insists on being in the room when her daughter gives birth, yet her daughter has already told her that she only wants her husband in the room and no one else. Her son-in-law can't stand her, and the more I get to know her, the more I understand why. She does have a driver's license and live not far away from her hairdresser's, but she always wants to organise my boyfriend's life around her own. He had a couple of days off recently, but told me that he was not going to tell her that he was off work, otherwise she would try to find things for him to do for her around the house! I love him more than life, but am so scared that I won't be able to cope with this whole situation. I will look for the books you suggested, and re-read the good advice I received here. Thank you!

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Be strong, insistent, straight forward and hold your ground when explaining to her that you're an item with her son & not her! Put a stop to it now or else you 3 will be a constant pain to each other in the future.

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Thank you for your advice. I will try to be more assertive, but I am starting to think that he is also co-dependent as much as she is. I am afraid I will be seen as the b**** who nags and tries to be in between mother and son!

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If you marry this guy, you're in for a lifetime of dealing with his mommy, her depression, and their dependence on each other. Watch Bates Motel or better yet, Psycho the movie.

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You are so right; he is as co-dependent as she is. I will watch both!

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Make her respect you. Either force her to see you are the stronger ***** in the yard or just get along with her. She's basically marking her territory and you have to deal with it.

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Thank you for the advice. I agree. I have been more passive-aggressive with her but I have noticed that it doesn't work; I have to be more assertive and speak up my mind. It just annoys me that my bf lets her do what she wants, so that he can have an easy life with her, and I am supposed to accept everything and compromise!

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**** that. Let nothing pass. You are the one in charge now.

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Tell your husband that you need his support. It' your way or the highway.

Good luck :) I think you will need it.

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Thank you for your advice. I am afraid of talking to him about his mom because he gets easily offended and instantly goes against me. The "mom" subject is a real taboo in my relationship with him. I am so scared of what the future will bring because he pretty much put her first in everything.

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You be extra careful :) As you see. You are getting some helpful advise..

So many relationships die because of mother in laws..

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