I limit the time i spend with her . My mom says Oh , we use to be close , that was when I could trust you, I am thinking to myself. she is still my mom and I love her but I honestly don't like her enough to be friends with her because she is so selfish. So she is mom but she is not a friend and I don't offer her friendship , I save my friendship for people I can trust. and keep our relationship strictly mom and daughter.
I know its a late post but thought i would offer some advice, I grew up with selfish lazy parents, taking everything they can from me and giving nothing in return, they destroyed my self confidence and I grew up wishing i was dead, after leaving home I worked hard and started studying which lead to uni and I pushed myself through uni and eventually started earning decent money, these days I have nothing to do with them (they still try to ask for 'favors') anyway try to focus on making your life better, use the hatred for them as motivation to work hard for a better life
I heard if your family doesn't treat you well Love Them From A Distance. Limit your interactions but in a friendly way. And remember who she is not about you! My mother has been a good example of how I don't want to be, so I've learned something from her. Sometimes speaking your truth can just go in one ear and out the other so discern if it's really worth the it, you'll know.
Ashley, is this you, honey? Are you talking about mom? LOL...sounds like the same situation my daughter is in with her mother. Her mother GROUNDED HER for a WEEK because she went to Easter brunch with my side of the family...mind you, while her mother was WORKING THAT DAY...not because she was left home alone. That's a true, mean ***** of a mother.<br />
How does my daughter (16 years old) deal with it? She avoids conflict, lets her mother vent even when she is being totally mean and tries to let things blow over by saying nothing at all while her mother vents.<br />
However, you are much older...an adult yourself. You need to confront mom and tell her clearly WHY you feel that she is selfish, self-centered and mean. Give her SPECIFIC EXAMPLES (at the last party, you did such-and-such). Don't generalize...be specific. Tell her how that makes you feel, how it makes others feel and let her know that others agree with you (assuming they DO agree). Tell her that makes you NOT want to spend time with her and that as she grows older, things will only get worse, as she has even less patience than now. Tell her you are going to give her some space to THINK ABOUT what you have told her...and that when she is ready to make a change, that she should contact you at that time. THEN....whatever you do, DO NOT CONTACT HER AT ALL. It is CRUCIAL that she make the first contact, that she "bl<x>inks first," showing that she is perhaps ready to deal with some changes. But if she just pays you lip service and doesn't change, give her another reminder...discuss the previous time you chatted about this...and again, give her the silent treatment until she indicates she will change. If she doesn't change, CALL HER ON THE BLUFF and hang up on her. Make sure she STICKS TO HER WORD. If she is ANY KIND OF MOTHER AT ALL AND LOVES HER CHILD (you), then she will do whatever it takes to not lose contact with you entirely. Trust me...it's like a poker game...DO NOT bl<x>ink FIRST! Hold your ground. She may TEST YOU...DO NOT FAIL!<br />
Good luck.<br />
Hello my name is China and my mother is soooo mean and evil. Always have been and will always be. 6 months ago I got laid off from my contract job but I have my unemployment and I still pay all the bills. Everything is in my name and I'm always broke after paying everything which includes her cell phone bill. The cable is getting ready to get cut off only because I didn't have enough money to pay the whole bill but I gave them what I had. She blew everything out of proportion calling me all kinds of names cursing me out saying how I'm good for nothing. Her credit is horrible if it hadn't been for me she would basically have nothing which includes a place to live. I was doing okay with the bills but she needed a new care and she didn't have enough money for a down payment so I gave her my whole check and that's how I got behind on the bills. When she had my baby sister 6 yrs ago she couldn't afford daycare so I had to stay home and take care of the baby and even then she would always complain about how I'm not taking care of her baby correct when I was. I can't ask her for anything because she puts up a fight and honestly I only ask for about $15 bucks for gas, yet she wants me to take my sister to school and pick her up. I've been looking for a job a lot and I haven't had any luck. I'm surgery this week and I doubt she'll take me or pick me up. Not to mention she curses me in front of family and friends. I really really really really hate her!
Its the most difficult thing in the world to have a mean ***** for a mother. I think a lot of nasty women are motivated to get married and have children so they can control them and vent their hostility on them. They can be the victim, ignore the person and at the same time have an audience that will always love them. Just remember it's only biology that makes you love your mother. It doesn't mean she's special or good. Any one can reproduce. My mother is a self-centered victim all the time. She could care less about me really but I keep thinking what a retarded way to be and it just adds more misery to the world. It hurts a lot, many of these women (and men) should have never been parents but remember you are your own person and you can add joy to this earth and give good and love to so many things including animals. This will make your life special and you can see you mother for what she is, just a human being that created negativity on this planet. That's not something you want to do.
lol You are hilarious. i'm laughing like crazy because my mother drives me nuts daily. I wanted to jump out the window the other day just hearing her mouth on me.
My mom leaves town on my birthday for a vacation every year. This weekend, in fact. I just tell myself that she loves me, but she loves herself more.
You know my mother? I just avoid her as much as possible and thank god everyday I'm not like her. My mother is frickin nuts.
Be glad that you are not like her.
I dont have an answer guys but wanted to ask advice ...long story short ...my mum left my dad when i was 4 and my sister was 5 ...my dads fault (although he is a great dad ...generous ...kind ...loving in his own way...( not an emotional guy but does his best ) ...he made a mistake is all ). Anyway my mum met someone else who is also a good guy but had a **** load of debt ...my mum did work hard but only ever to pay my step dads debts ...my sister was always spoilt ..not a prob for me a such ....my mum had a son with my stepdad ...good kid but spoilt as **** . Anyway years have passed and my bro and sis got whatever they wanted all they had to do was ask ....while i was left with litterally nothing ....i was always cast to the side ...never even given food from age 14 while my bro and sis were provided with everything litterally. Anyway im now 26 and still my sis and bro get whatever they want at a drop of a hat .....all this time ive let it slide thinking that when i need my rents the most they would back me up and help me ....i was wrong ....i was in afinancial crisis ...not my own fault but am happy to take it on the chin ....i lost home asked for help ...was told to get lost ....2 weeks later it turns out my sis is evicted from her home for substance abuse and growing canabis ....they welcomed her home with open arms... ...i stopped speaking to my mum altogether after that....now she is hassling me saying that the one in the wrong fornot speaking to her for nonreason even tho i have explained the situation to her ...what do i do .... shes my mum ....but i hate the way she has treated me. Just to be clear i was a good kid ...did the typical naughty things as a kid but was never in trouble with the police or anything like that ...always did ok in school amd worked to pay for myself to get an honours degree ...so i dont think its me thats done anything wrong ....all i can think is that she resents me as my fathers son if u get me ....like im being punished for my dads indescretion ...even tho it was a one time mistake ...why does she treat me like this ...i was always their for her when she needed me on numorous occasions yet now im thrown to the wolves
My mother always told me two things. "your a failure", and " I will always put myself before you." She always kept to her word till this day. I was abandoned as a baby an even in my teenage years. Its like basically growing up without a mother. She never showed any sign of affection, she says picking me up from school shows love. She always runs late. I make my own food, an I do everything for myself now in days all because she never grew up. She never made the transition of being a 13 to a mother. I keep telling myself to stay strong, an in the future I will never have to hear from her ever again. Its her fault not mine if we point fingers here. Its sad and selfish of me to feel sorry for myself, but I do anyways. I will never grow up feeling emotional okay..
I am an only child 63 years of age and my mother who is 92 years is in an aged care facility for the past 12 months after my father passed away at 88. She has always been very controlling and self-centered but I never realised how much until my father passed on. I am having to deal with health issues and she cannot show any empathy. I used to visit her weekly for an hour but now with my health I find her very draining so I see her once a fortnight for half an hour which she doesnt seem to want to accept that I am doing what is best for my health. She complains to me about she not happy in the aged care because she has nothing to do as she doesnt like to sit for long periods of time. I have explained to her that she cannot rely on me and that she needs to accept her life in the aged care. Finding it hard to cope with her.
selfish selfish and more selfish thats my mom
LaughingSun I wish I knew the answer to that one. If you find it, please pass it on.
be happy she's into herself and not constantly meddling into your life
omg . I totally feel your pain , my mother always and yes i mean ALWAYS yells at me. Shes so embarrassing but at the same time - she cares for us kinda =/ <br />
and its always me that she yells at goshh . Im not really close to her i guess , but still its a feeling of neglection ..
i will only say this. some mothers can go months without talking to their adult kid. they can also only give lip-service to any grievances a daughter may mention. so we see other a few times a year.
they say you can't choose your family. but you can definitely choose whether you let them in your life or not.
I sort of have this problem too. I keep away from her or limit the time we spend together. It works rather than trying to find out why she is crazy. She just is!