It's the only thing that triggers jealous feelings in me. I had a bad previous experience (got cheated on) with my first boyfriend and have reapeated a pattern of insecurity ever since. My partner's previous emotional closeness and commitment makes me feel threatened. I want to change it, I don't know where to start. I don't want it to hurt my current relationship. Help please!
BeautifulMathGirl BeautifulMathGirl 22-25, F 8 Answers Jul 31, 2010

Your Response


I experienced the same thing you are going through. First and foremost, talk to him. Explain to him (calmly...ok...with a little emotion ;) ) how his continuing contact with his ex is effecting you. Explain to him where these feelings are coming from. Then ask him that in order for a relationship to work there needs to be trust between both partners, and that you feel that he needs to stop/cut all ties with her. If he argues and won't...there will be 100x worse heartache in the future if you don't end it then. But you have to remember I'm coming from my experience, but look at your situation rationally and see if it's worth the time and energy.

I wish you the best of luck! :)

Best Answer

I understand how you feel - as I have wrecked relationships by being jealous and possessive! But has he REALLY given you any reason to be as yet?? I don't agree with some of these comments. You cannot expect ANYone in a relationship to have contact with ONLY you! People do not 'own' people! This is how the dramas start - you need Trust in a relationship and self-esteem and if you have these things then it would not be an issue in the first place. No Trust - No Relationship: Its as simple as that.

Jealousy stems from insecurity - so the problem lies with you more then him. YOU need to learn how to trust again as,like you said,you have been hurt in the past. Tell him this and that his behaviour hurts you - if he's being honest and telling you about his meetings with her I think you are pretty safe.

But he needs to know and help you with this issue by not making it worse as well and - if he truly cares about you,he should be happy to do this.

I have been friends with my first bf for years! There is NOTHING between us anymore, but he has always been there for me when not everyone has been, and so I like to keep in touch from time to time - he has had bitchy girlfriends who have had a problem with it and so things didn't work out between them because of that! If I ever got a chance to I would tell them off - One was so pathetic she text me from the UK - He's in Australia by the way,they 'met' online-Nothing more - telling me she'd

'appreciate it if I left her boyfriend alone' I was like: "Listen you stupid fat ugly British cow - You are a million miles away from him,you don't even 'Know' him,who the hell do you think you are?! I knew him first anyway so f*** off!" What a stupid and immature thing to do - text a complete stranger and say that type of crap! I mean What did she think she was going to do from a thousand miles away?!

And what's this ' men and women only contact each other for sex' crap?! That's a bit old fashioned I think - I prefer male company to women's as women are bitchy and backstabbing and my ex prefered female company as he was not into 'guy stuff' like sports etc - and so did not really know what to talk about around guys!

Best Answer

Accept it or don't. The how can only be answered by you.

Best Answer

been there, done that. Do what I do, tell him that if he wants to be with u he cant have contact with his ex. Or go kick his ex's a**

Best Answer

it's cool to be cool with your exes and maybe txt them to see how they are when your in a relationship but be careful when guys have actual friendships with their exes, it might be instictual jealousy

Best Answer

Related Questions