How can I forget someone I miss blind? Any practical suggestions for when intrusive thoughts come into my head?
I'm gay. Was having a connection with a straight guy. When he found out about me he said he could stay friends and keep in touch. He disappeared ever since. I miss him soooooo much it's killing me. How can I erase this experience? or its painful recollection I mean
4 Answers to "How can I forget someone I miss blind? Any practical suggestions for when intrusive thoughts come into my head?"
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The unfortunate answer is that you can't forget someone that was ever important to you either in a good way or bad. It's just a sad fact of humanity that people that impact our lives one way or the other stick to us forever. However I must tell you that this isn't always a bad thing. Life is so subjective and even a bad experience can be reinterpreted as a good one.
I'm having a hard time like you are with this even now, but I've decided to take this approach as I'm just a systematic person by nature. I've chosen to turn this in to something positive in my life because I need more positives in general. You can give it a shot if you think this approach will work for you.
First of all if you're truly just hung up on this person badly it's likely because you don't have too many options to turn to. Your support network might not be what it should be. This is my personal situation and I'm willing to bet you might be able to relate to this? I think you could use a distraction from the intrusive memories by focusing your energy in to meeting new people, hanging out with old friends or family. Keeping BUSY will be your saving grace.
Once you build a support network you will be in such a greater place to think of old connections in a new way. You'll have people to turn to in need and you'll feel so secure that you'll be able to think back on this person that was important to you but instead of dwelling on the negatives, you'll be able to be thankful for their presence on your life because without them, you wouldn't be who you are right now.
That will come naturally though. Without people to support you you'll always be so focused on the negatives because they're still more of a loss than a gain to you.
I hope I'm making some sense to you, but I do wish you the best of luck. I know it won't be easy but don't focus on forgetting them. Focus on turning them in to something positive in your life and use it as motivation to meet some really incredible people.Like (3)
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Thanks so much for taking the time to answer me. What scares me is that I have met other gay guys, and some of them claim to be interested in me, but they're nothing like this guy. What he gave me in terms of companionship, of offering me everything about himself, of being there and open, making me feel loved and sought after, nobody else had given me that before. Maybe it's because this is what men offer to women? I don't know, but the question puzzles me... Could a gay man love me in the same way? I do agree with fostering a larger support question and making myself busy. Also interacting here and helping others is pretty helpful, but when the bolts of his memory come crawling back, there seems to be no escape, I just dwell on it and pine away. I will try to sort myself out, though, thanks for your helpful words!
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Your situation is pretty tough for anyone. It's likely that if he truly didn't know you were gay that he became worried and tried to cut ties before things got strange for him. I don't know to what extent he "offered everything" to you but I'm pretty sure you already know that another gay guy can absolutely do the same for you and more. A man who is truly straight will not be able to give you everything a gay man could. Sex for example might be physically pleasing, but it also is an act that two people can only do at their most vulnerable. You wouldn't be able to do this with someone who's straight. I highly suggest you meet other gay guys and see what's out there. You might be surprised by what you find. As for the straight guy, you can just write him a letter or email explaining your feelings. I do hope though that he has no reason to feel threatened by you in terms of emotions. If he really is able to be purely a good friend to you and nothing more and that you won't get too attached to him in a way that you can't simply be a friend to him, then I suggest you express this in your letter. I'd be very frank with him and ask for the same in return. It will be up to him to reply to your message, but if he doesn't reply then at least you can say you've done everything you can do and he's made his decision. At least then you can begin healing. Don't forget all he's done for you though, just remember them at times when you're in a better place in your life. You definitely will remember him in a sad way until you get more of a support network. Like I said, at this very moment, he's more of a loss for you than a gain. This will change as time goes on and you make more connections.
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Honestly you just have to give it time. I'm gay myself and have had that exact experience happen to me. It hurts now and it will still sting later but life moves on. Try and find something that will distract you with laughter and make you happy. it will get easier after a few months. If he tries to come back into your life it probably will never be the same. You will remember how hurt he made you feel and it will tarnish you friendship.
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1 thing avoid seeing the other person... make yourself busy, and I mean busy, start some project that gives you pleasure so you can occupy your days and your mind even when you are off from work and give time, it cures it all , yes it does.
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Best Answer (Chosen By Asker):
Posted by michelle585 Aug 22nd, 2012 at 11:30PM
I'm sorry you are in pain. Those kind of experiences really suck (to be blunt). There are several thing you can do, but mostly take care of yourself. What have you done for yourself today? You deserve to be treated well, have nice things, enjoy yourself. Focus on yourself and what you are currently doing, and your thoughts will stay away from him. If thoughts of him creep back into your head, pray for him, say something nice, think of a positive interaction instead of replaying the negative. I find it helpful to pray, "bless him, change me" as I can only know the reasons for my own actions. Lastly, this experience is part of your life journey, and over time it will become a smaller and smaller part. Accept it with grace, there is a lesson (one or more) to be learned from it that will help you later in life. Erasing it would take away an opportunity for personal growth. Continue expressing your feelings as well. It is part of the grieving and healing process. Yes, it is painful now, but you can get through this painful time and be stronger for it. As with all things, "this too, shall pass." Best wishes mark! :o)
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Reply by lonelyrangermark Aug 23rd, 2012 at 12:19AM
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