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My instincts are strong and I usually find out things like him flirting with women at the bar or on the phone. When I confront him, his answers are always.. its nothing; we were just talking etc To him - some things are better left unsaid and so I think, he'd rather lie than tell me the truth! Until he does, I cant live in peace.. the issues keep repeating in my mind and it leaves me feeling insecure not knowing what exactly happened or perhaps didn't happen. I cant come to peace with it until I get a straight answer! Please advise what I should do? I just want to know the truth..
LadyComplex LadyComplex 31-35, F 23 Answers Feb 28, 2010

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You can’t. The point here is that something’s wrong with the relationship such that he tells you lies so he does not have to face the consequences with you. He may not like something in the relationship and is looking elsewhere rather than deal directly with the issue. Btw, there are many types of lies. There’s Bluffing, Puffery, Exaggeration, Fabrication, Confabulation, Noble lie, White lie, Compliments and false reassurances, Jocose lie, Lies-to-children, Emergency lie, Misleading/Dissembling, Contextual lie, Lying by omission, Lying by obsolete signage, Officious lie, Lying in trade, Lying through your teeth, Perjury, Barefaced lie, the Big Lie, etc… Everyone lies. <br />
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All relationships are about responding or reacting to one another; they don’t occur in a vacuum. One person does a specific something (behavior, says something, etc…) that is perceived acceptable or unacceptable according to the values of the other person – so that person responds to that, then the first person responds or reacts to that and so on. Until a negative feedback loop is created. I think you get the picture. So it’s not about lying, it’s about the relationship. When you solve the original problem with the relationship, the lying stops. Otherwise, there are plenty of other men who are ready to show you respect, love you for who you really are and can show you a bright future. If the original problem with the relationship isn’t resolved,<br />
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Leave.

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you can't get him to do anything he doesn't want to.<br />
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you're better off getting different "him" if you really are asking this stuff.<br />
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goodluck

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The way you described him, he acts really impolite, rude and lacks a serious interest in your relationship. End the relationship.

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You can't get someone to tell you the truth. The truth doesn't work that way. If you believe he's lying, he most likely is. You shouldn't ignore your intuition. You have it for a reason hunny.

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You won't likely be able to get the truth, trust your gut. If you can get a privet eye and have him fallowed/taped, get pics, or someone he doesn't know who is willing to fallow him... Maybe even get soft ware that allows you to snoop on phone, text, Ims, email, ect... Or just let it go. I have been in this type of situation and it sucks, I didn't like what I found out when it came to my husband, good luck. I hope you have better luck then I have. He shouldn't even be flirting with anyone but you, I can't stand this type of thing. Lying about it is even worse...

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just ask but why do u worry so much ....usually when you dont trust the other and this is wat it is all about..its because you dont trust yourself so much so u project this onto ur partner...learn to let things go.

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Well..in my experience...if there is something he thinks you want to know, that he isnt talking or telling about, he will be worried he will be in trouble, he wont open up, so you have to reassure you arent going to be mad, you will understand...so then when he tells you the truth, you cant pounce and be mad......:)...just saying..if this is something you really want to know..? Will it help? Will it hurt? Ask yourself those things first...if all is well, why open up a can of worms?...if all is not well, why open up a can of worms?:)

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You cant. Go on....

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WHY WORRY???<br />
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Life is TOO short!<br />
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D I V O R C E ...HIM!!

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COMMUNICATE, BUT FIRST KILL THE E G O

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You don't really want the truth you want a different man.

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balls in a vice always seems to work.

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Hot pokers... branding irons....???<br />
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Wait till he falls asleep then put his left hand in warm water. Old wives tale... that is supposed to get him to tell the truth like talking in his sleep.<br />
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Never cared that much for truth to go to all that trouble to test it. :)

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these are red flags. this is your instincts telling you that he is not trustworthy. if you really want to save yoursefl some heartache, you need to make an exit plan to get out of this relationship because i'm betting you that this is the tip of the iceberg. think about what's is going on that you probably don't know.<br />
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i was in a relationship with someone like you describe and my only regret about leaving him is that i didnt get out sooner.

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Ask him to. You cant force him to if he doesnt want to.

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Ask him to tell the truth. He will say either the truth or a lie. You then have the choice to take it or leave it.

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I wish I knew the answer to that..if you find out, let me know.

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