She is 13 and she lives with her mother. We see her on weekends. Not only does she lie to her father about things I did not do, she lies to her mother about things that do not happen in my home! My husband always takes her side and we (hubby & I) are always fighting! What do I do? I should have stated that I have been in her life for the past 8 years. This is something that has been going on for over a year. I am disappointed with some of these answers.
cwmomof2boys cwmomof2boys 31-35, F 14 Answers Oct 1, 2008

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stop calling her names, this is a young girl who no doubt is un-happy about her parents breaking up, and even more un-happy at her dad remarrying.

she is going to react the only way she know how and not liking you is a common reaction.

as for thinking her dad should back you think again, he is her father, his daughter is always going to come before you because she is his child and that is how it should be.

as an adult you should have been aware of this and considered all of this before you got in a relationship with this man.

stop being spitful and look at this from all points of view.

i think its time you grew up and stopped being such a spoiled little miss.

i am not saying that his daughter is right either far from it, but i can understand why she is, this could be very hard for her to deal with as i said before.

the best thing you can do is back off, dont let her see it bothers you, you know the truth and that should be enough.

chances are if you act grown up about this, your partner will respect you for that, and might actually realise that not everything his daughter says is true, or he could already know that but feel that as he broke up from her mum, he owes it to her to understand her and how she might feel.

you should try doing the same.

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You can't. What you can do is not be home when the skid mark is at your house. Leave your husdand with her and let him do all the work of parenting while you are out.

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I feel your pain. My stepdaughter still lies about things and she is 19 years old. She has lived with us in CT since she's been 13 and her mother is barely in the picture living in FL who her husband. It is so frustrating my husband lets her get away with it still never any consequences. We have a daughter together and he is able to punish her. It really is sickening I wish I had an answer for you and people that wrote saying she disliked this kid is messed up. If you were never in this situation you need to shut up. How awful when your husband doesn't parent the same with all his children. His daughter swore me up and down Shen she first moved in my husband never said anything. I probably should have left a long time ago.

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The title that you used for your identity strikes as a very strong dislike towards a 13 year old. I agree with the other opinions above. From an adult perspective you'll probably looking at it as 'being lied on'. And of course no one likes to be lied on.

And from a 13 year old girl's perspective...well the age says it all. She's 13 and acting out in my opinion for a reason. To an adult it's perhaps for a no good reason but to a kid (and in my opinion) it's for a darn good reason. She doesn't have both parents anymore. She is asked in a silent way to automatically adjust to the living arrangements.

Has anyone ever sat down one on one to ask 'how she feels?' That would be a great first step. Of course I don't expect a 360 degree turn in one sitting but until she gains trust she may still act out. Sometimes I think adults under estimate kids tremendously. 'Sometimes' they act as if kid's thoughts or feelings don't matter but it does matter.

I would not to take the aggressive approach. Remember her age and her circumstance. I clearly see how the tables are going to turn on you. Well the tables already turned because you and your husband fight about the situation. The 13 year old just got her first goal accomplished. Do you really want to give her what she wants?

And no matter what, it sounds like the father is going to stand by his daughter. Which sounds like your approach to the sitatuion isn't appreciated by him 'especially' if you're calling her out of her name. You could be building a strong foundation for him to resent you later.

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She most likely not a compulsive lair , she probably see a sight lack of trust in your relationship , and trying to disrupt or encourage that distrust . Children from divorce , tend to be a little destructive when dealing with parents .

Strengthen your relationship with your spouse and include her .

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You have a problem. I watched allot of my girlfriends growing up accuse stepparents of allot of things. You need to also decided where your line in the sand is. How far will you let this child accuse you of things? The only way my friend Jennifer got caught in her lies was her stepfather hid a camera in the kitchen, and taped a weekend. You might have to do the same. But becareful luke broke up with her mom right after that...

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I agree with the first two answers but I think you need to sit her down and have an honest chat with her. Let her know how much you and her father love her but can't understand why she's making up stories and lying on you. Try to get her to confide in you and if you're really desperate hide a video camera or tape recorder to catch her.

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You can't. He must see it for himself. Don't let a 13 year old best you. She is coming from a place of hurt. You are grown, let it fall off you like rain.

You know the truth, so hold your head up, be strong, don't cave and stop caring what others might think.

If you force him to take sides he will always take the side of his daughter.

Guilt is the enemy here, not the girl.

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Don't let a child wind you up (easier said than done) you're the adult!

Talk to your husband and try to talk to her about why she's lying.

If all else fails, try to catch her out!

Good luck!

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Not a whole lot you can do. Just set your lines and don't deviate. Sounds very cliche, but playing people off against each other is usual (I won't say normal) in joint custody. This is a power game (darn shame her age is factoring in right now too). Don't play the game. If she lies, allow her to get caught in it. Make certain she understands that you are there for her in time of need, but you're not her playmate, or her toy. Explain that to your husband so he also understands your place. (Calmly and with her not there). Don't get dragged into the middle of the parent trap either. They need to communicate about tehir daughter. That doesn't have to include you as the go between.

Only time will sort this out, and only if she gets no encouragement to continue.

Good luck :D

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I don't think you can.

What's more important to you, the relationship you have with your husband? Or your judgment that your husband is not aware of your opinion of his daughter?

Attempting to sway his opinion is going to damage the relationship you have with him....or it will damage the relationship he has with her.

It's unfair for you to force him to choose. Besides, he may already be aware of his daughter's behavior and chooses to ignore it.

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This is a thirteen year old that believes and probably has good reason to believe that you tore her home up. She isnt a compulsive liar, if you call her that your just as bad as her. Your husband, and no i am not on her side, does the right thing by being on her side, i am very sorry to say this but she will always come first and formost before you because she is his daughter and he saw her grow up, he met you at a specific age. If he wasnt on her side, she would feel neglected. One day she will understand, for now grow up and be an adult and stop calling her names.

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I would recommend that you be a little more careful about what terms you throw around in this situation. To say that someone is a compulsive liar is to say that they have a psychological disorder that compells them to tell elaborate lies for no reason. It sounds to me more like your step daughter is telling lies in an attempt to manipulate various specific situations. Am I right? If so, that is not the nature of a compulsive liar. That is a manipulative little *****. :)

Be careful calling her a "liar" too because, if that word is to suggest that every word out of her mouth is a lie, then it is likely that she is not a liar. If it suggests that she has told a lie at some point, then it is likely that we are all "liars".

It might be better to focus your attention on the specific behaviour and/or the specific lies that were told when addressing your husband concerning your step daughter. It will not be helpful, in fact it will be hurtful, for you to use a harsh term like "compulsive liar" to describe his little girl. Just be prepared to unmask the specific lies and let him come to his own terms with her behavior.

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I have had the same experience for 20 years. I raised this child since she was 6 years old. She was deserted by her biological mother at age age 2. The trouble started when she was 13 and is still going on to this day. If you can get out, run. Don't wait until you are an old lady and have no options,

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