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I've been with him 10 years and my kids hate him and me now. My son doesn't even want me at his graduation. They hate him because he's not patient with them, and because of our rocky relationship. He's been out of work since '09, we've fought before, and he's cheated, but he's trying to do better. He thinks the kids are brats and need to respect him. I agree; they don't have to like him, but he's my partner and they need to understand that. They left after my husband and son got into a fight. My son says it was because my husband called my daughter a b**** and slapped her. My husband denies slapping her and said my son swung first. I don't know what to do. I'm pregnant with my husband's child and want a happy family. My kids want nothing to do with the baby.
DILove DILove 41-45, F 16 Answers Apr 12 in Parenting & Family

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your husband is a brat and he's not respectful of your children or you... moreover he's a cheat and he's leaching off you... why stay married to him??? I don't blame your children for disliking him at all.

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ps: he needs to keep his hands of your daughter... as if calling her the B word wasn't bad enough. open your eyes woman.

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He says he didn't hit her though.

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he's a liar... most cheats usually are liars.. FYI... he's using you... you need to wake up :/

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But he already admitted to everything else, why lie about that?

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you think he admitted to everything else... tell me.. did he admit this stuff after you already caught him doing ****? he hasn't admitted Everything... far from it... he probly even talks **** about you behind your back as well... just like he does about your kids... if you want your children to respect your spouse.. maybe you should have gotten a respectable spouse... as it is you took his side over theirs... you have done your children an injustice. smh... don't ask or expect them to respect such a rude and unreasonable and selfish hateful self serving slanderous person... open your eyes... *sigh*

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But I can't just leave after everything I've been through with him and he is sorry.

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he's not sorry... he's a liar... and you can and you SHOULD leave such a person... they say love is blind.. I guess you love him... but he doesn't love you he is using you... :/ and you are destroying your family and your previous children's lives because if his lies... this is not a good thing.

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Using me for what?

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5 More Responses

I'm siding with the kids. Sorry. (And I've been married to a man who wasn't my children's father so it's not that. You pick your children first.)

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Side note, they'll come around to the baby eventually. ..if they still have a relationship with you after you basically swept them aside for some strange man who isn't related. Husbands come and go. Children are forever.

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They haven't spoken to me in a year and don't live with me; I know my kids and whether they're serious or not and they are not joking about this. I didn't sweep them aside, they chose to leave.

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I understand you know them. But, yes, you swept them aside when youchose to stay with a man who not only called your daughter a b**** but hit one of them. You showed them you no longer care enough for them to protect them. That man comes first to you. Those children whom you grew inside you whom you protected with your own body until they could take their first breath, you allow a man with whom you share no more than a bed, to push away the love that you held apart for only them. And, in their eyes, undoubtedly, you are replacing them, with his child. I would walk away too. I wouldn't respect your husband if I were them. I probably wouldn't repspect you for asking it of me if I were them.

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Ok your kids haven't spoken to you in over a year? Omg that speaks volumes about how bad a mother you must have been to them! I think they might just be as pissed at you as they are at him maybe even more so with you because you chose him over them! To me as a loving parent and father I can never choose a woman over my 2 boys!
I tell every woman that I go out with now that I'm recently divorced that I'm not going to pick a woman over my boys ever. I think that you have to make some important changes in your own life before your kids will be able to have a meaningful relationship with you period! Fix you first!

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I could not have said that any better myself ! I totally agree with your thoughts on this also..

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He sounds a bit like my dad. It's hard to respect someone who does nothing to earn your respect.

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But we're the parents and they're the children; respect should be there from the start.

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I imagine that respect usually is there to begin with, in most parent-child relationships. The problems begin when someone does something to cause a loss of respect. it can be hard to regain respect for someone who's lost it before.

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Kids are pretty good judges of character. My ex-husband hit my son, his step son. It was at that point I realized I was with the wrong man. I agree that children need to be polite and respect their elders, but I also believe that grown ups need to earn the respect. I had just had my second son (his biological son). We are now separated and I worry about how he will treat his biological son when he is older. I will put a gun to his head if he ever abuses him.

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Is your husband their biological father? If not... they owe him nothing.

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No, but he's the only father they've ever had.

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It would be nice if they believed that. Blood is thicker than water when they get older.

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Why would you say they owe him nothing?

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Well, to be completely honest, your husband sounds like a complete jerk. He's cheated and reportedly hit your daughter and called her a b!tch. I don't know about you but if my dad ever did that I wouldn't want him anywhere near me and I guarantee you wouldn't either.

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You get the respect that you give. Kinda hard to respect a man that will not take a job to help support his family! Just because he is the "man" of the family does not earn him automatic respect.

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Its not up to you. Unfortunately its all on him. I've been having the same issues with my kids. Hubby took it upon himself to start daddy daughter dates. Actually a book with the very same title. He kept it up for a while and the girls really seemed to enjoy it. But, he's been sick the past month and slowly I see them resenting him. <br />
I've tried everything. But he is who he is and kids are smart enough to know.

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Ultimately you can't it is very much his job to try and be flexible enough to make the connection with them himself! You could ask your children to really try hard and be flexible him also but ultimately it's up to him not you and not them! Is the husband very flexible with you? Just curious?

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By "flexible" you mean....?

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Well to me flexible in relationship terms means you are a pretty giving person and not to hard headed or stubborn most of the time you keep an open mind to the differences between yourself and others closest to you..does that explain it for you?

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Okay, then no he's not flexible.

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He has to work on that and you have to tell him it won't ever work unless he lightens up a little and tries to put himself in there shoes sometimes..how is he with you?

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Now he's great.

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2 More Responses

The child is their baby brother or sister. They need to see the child as the relationship to come....<br />
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That sounds like a lot to handle. You have courage speaking out and doing your best to hold everything together, but the truth is, that you can't control other peoples feelings. The relationships between your husband and his children are their own individual relationships. <br />
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I would writing a letter out about your feelings to each person involved and sitting down with each person individually. <br />
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Respect isn't something to be demanded in my opinion. And if any respect is to be gained out of this, it's self respect and then a healing within the family.<br />
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I don't believe in hatred, but I do believe in suffering. <br />
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Do your best to love everyone individually and all else will be made apparent to each one involved.<br />
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Also, finally, remember to always love yourself. How can you love anyone else if you don't love yourself? Not saying that you don't, but from what I gather, you made need to give yourself a hug too.<br />
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Light and Love <3<br />
Miranda

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I don't like what I'm reading there at all. Next.

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