Spank her little hands or her little butt -- kids are outta control due to non discipline and it only gets worse. Words don't work. I believe they respect you and authority when they know they'll get in trouble for disobeying or doing the wrong thing. Otherwise, you'll have an egotistical tyrant on your hands for the rest of their Life.
Of course, you must stand up and be a parent. Stop being her equal. It may be hard but not everything in life is going to be easy. And some things is worth fighting for.
Don't ever fear losing her love for disciplining her when you love her, would never think to hurt her (intentionally), you aren't afraid to say sorry/change when you are wrong, and/or would give your life for her. No one likes being disciplined in the moment, the reward of discipline comes later. By the time she has children, she will thank you.
Ultimately, it is then that you will reap the reward because she will understand, respect, and love you later for all of the discipline she received from you now. Because we, as loving parents, discipline those we love. That is just the way it is.
But if you do not step up and take your place as mother in her life now while she is young (at the best age to learn), later I fear she may not respect you at all.
I pray things work out for you and her. You are both worth it. :)
You don't tell her not to. You tell her :
"Go ahead. You can do it. I'm not telling you that you can't, you just may not like the consequences of your actions. Let me tell you what's going to happen, (fill in the blanks where it fits the scenario) if you do this, this is whats going to happen after wards (provide a consequence). It doesn't have to just be a punishment. Be creative.
This way you give her the freedom to make her own choices, so she is not defying you just to rebel your authority, but she is also being put in the position where she has to take accountability for her actions. If you keep this up, she will learn in the future to make the right choices ON HER OWN, without having to do so just because mommy or daddy says so. It will be because "hey if I do this then...this will happen. Hmm maybe I shouldn't do that." not because "oh I shouldn't do this because you tell me not too? Haha okay yea sure whatever."
Does this make sense?
It's a power play.
You will never earn a child or anyone's respect for that matter, by force. You may scare them enough to listen to you sometimes, but that will backfire quickly trust me. You need to lead by example.
She is testing you. And you are losing because you are telling or portraying that you have the power when you tell a child "NO you cant do that." When she responds with "Watch me" and does it anyway,She just proved you wrong. Now she has the power in this situation, because she just proved to you that you have no power over her choices. Which is true.
Now if you approach the same situation with a different logic you will get a completley different response.
"I don't want you to do that." or "you don't want to do that"
SHE may respond "well i want to" or "watch me"
"Okay go ahead. You can do that. Just wait and see what happens after wards"
Maybe she will, maybe she wont. If she does it anyway here is an optional response:
"Congratulations, you just lost TV for a week."
BE SURE TO STICK TO YOUR PUNISHMENT BY THE WAY!
Now she has no power. You didn't deny her the power to make her own choices, instead you showed her that she can make her own choices but she may not like what happens when she does. So she is left with the option to decide for herself whether or not she is willing to accept the consequences for her actions. If she doesn't like the consequence, she will think oh well I can do this but, I don't want to lost TV for a day or whatever your punishment is. Just make sure the punishment outweighs the reward.
This is the fault of most parents, they may not realize that they are reinforcing in their child's mind that they are powerless in these situations because they try and deny their child of free will.
Try it for a while, and see what works.
I hope I've helped. :)
It is not and wont be an overnight thing. But I would be willing to bet on it that you will start to see improvement.
Ya, easy stuff here, pull her away from the situation and you'll have to ignore all the complaining. she won't hate you... forever. give her a consequence if she does do that! For Example, if she wants to play somewhere she is not allowed,,, tell her that she won't be able to do this and that later in the day. simple stuff here!! (and i am not even a parent)
just where did she learned that?!.. ??