How can I get the guts to stand up to my family now that I'm old enough to make my own decisions? Please read details!
I'm very family-oriented, and I respect my parents, but I am an adult now (21 years old) and can make my own decisions. I've met a guy online and have been talking to him for a few months now. We really would like to start dating, but I'm really nervous about it because of how my family would react and I don't want to have to lie about how I met him, etc. My sister and mom already found out that I've been talking to someone online and think that I'm a liar since I won't talk about it, and that I'm desperate for a relationship since I talk to people online, which isn't the case at all. I can't help how I met the guy!
I feel like I'm trapped with this issue since I still live at home and can't afford to move out. I want to do something for myself and make myself happy, but not at the expense of my family hating me.
13 Answers to "How can I get the guts to stand up to my family now that I'm old enough to make my own decisions? Please read details!"
Posted by Trackcoachred Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:14PM
Sit down with your parents and have an honest conversation. Start with your mom and dad and not in front of your siblings. Explain to them how you feel, but approach the conversation with an open mind. in order for them to have your respect at 21, they must have demonstrated some wisdom and discretion to you. Being adult isn't just about making your own decisions, it's about taking on the responsibility of those decisions. I think you may be surprised at how well a conversation with your parents will go if you approach it like the responsible young lady you appear to be. Good luck.
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Reply by mrmoose1947 Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:20PM
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Posted by gullibledave Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:10PM
Always follow your guts. Do not bow to outside pressure.
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Posted by nakednfree Sep 16th, 2012 at 5:29PM
My parents are deceased so I will speak freely. My parents were protective of me when I was growing up. I was their only child. When I met girls and liked them I brought them home with me. My parents met all of them but they never said they "liked" any of them.
I am the only one left so I have to make my own decisions now.
Tell your folks you want to talk to them about something VERY important to you. If they will listen to you and take the time to "hear" what you say tell them how you met your guy and how you feel about him AND how he feels about you. If they hear honestly how you feel and they are the kind of parents I think they are they will want to meet him for themselves. If they want to meet him invite him to come to visit. It is only after they meet him and have a chance to hear for themselves how he feels about you that they can really say if they like him and would be OK if you and he started dating.
The important thing here is that your parents lay aside their desires for your life and hear from you first hand what you want for your life. My parents never did that for me and in some ways it made my dating and romantic life very difficult.
I hope this gives you some guidance and a different perspective of how to talk to them about you want for your life!
Good luck young lady!
Your friend,
Nakednfree
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Posted by Kayakker Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:26PM
Depends on how your folks see this relationship.... if you are happy then go with the dating... be honest ya mum may think your hiding online with a married man...
This desperate issue has nothing to do with it... you are allowed to have feelings for some one...
Just be respectful to your family and they should respect your decisions...
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Posted by Boodaddy Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:23PM
Would they really care how you met if the person is a good person who will treat you well? Or is it that they do not think you should be dating someone you found your self? As sad as it is for me to save this sometimes we have to make decisions for ourselves because at the end of the day your parents will pass away your siblings will find mates of their own and move on and do you want to be alone or with someone you are not happy with?
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Reply by GuitarGirl19 Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:31PM
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Reply by nakednfree Sep 16th, 2012 at 5:22PM
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Posted by ASGKPFG Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:15PM
I guess it depends on which you want more. Do you want to be with this guy? Or do you want to make your family happy? Being with this guy even if your family doesn't approve doesn't mean you hate them or that they'll hate you. It means that you're making your own decisions for yourself, since after all this is your life.
And since they're family, I would think they would love you and support you no matter what your decisions are. That's what family is for. ^_^
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Posted by misseymoo Sep 17th, 2012 at 10:51AM
I would hate to actively encourage you to be deceitful, as this wouldonly breed more mistrust. You are an adult now- capable of making your own decisions, but your family probably still see you as a teenager!
they obviously dont know much about social networking and have listened to all of the horror stories and are scared for you. You have to prove to them that you are mature and responsible and are not taking this lightly. best to play in down and let them know there is nothing to be concerned about.
Agree to meet him if you want to, but take every safety precausion- meet in a public place, let people know where you are, have emergency numbers on speed dial and check in ever hour to let soemone know you are okay. leave alone and have transport home immediaitely available.
Be mature in how you deal with it and the fuss will soon die down, I'm sure!
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Posted by Slantload Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:59PM
If you truely, can't afford to move out, at 21 years of age, you need a change, in your lifestyle, or your short term expections, of your living standards.
You should be that they worry about you. They may not approve of what you propose, but they will not hate you for it. Be extremly careful. They don't put 21 year olds on milk cartons.
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Reply by GuitarGirl19 Sep 16th, 2012 at 5:02PM
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Posted by mrfurls Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:57PM
If you're old enough to make your own decisions, then you're old enough to stand up to them. Plain. And. Simple.
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Reply by Slantload Sep 16th, 2012 at 5:00PM
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Reply by mrfurls Sep 16th, 2012 at 5:03PM
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Posted by TheBoyWonder Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:52PM
Personally I think you need to meet him first and see if you have any real life chemistry - sometimes it doesnt happen - Im not belittling what you have Im just saying, no point opening up to your family if you dont know if its going to happen or not.
Then if you meet and things still feel the same, then you need to sit down with your parents, no point avoiding the issue it will just stress you out, and to be honest, its not something you can keep secret for long.
One of my best friends married someone he met online, sometimes it works out. Just protect yourself in the first case, i have met a couple of people off the internet in real life that seemed awesome and turned out to be nutcases lol.
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Posted by SophiesSecretRoom Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:13PM
Hey :)
ses, and I am sure they will be fine.
Well, firstly, it's nice you have found someone you really like and care for, I am real happy for you ;)
Secondly, you have kind of answered your own question. You're 21 and old enough to make your own decisions. Yes, you still live at home, but living at home doesn't mean you pass control of your life to your parents. It just means you live there. Some people live with their parents at 30, but I doubt the run past potential dates with their parents before they agree to date them :)
Older people don't trust the Internet - they read the media, the news and watch those TV shows about how the Internet is full of horrible, sadistic sexual murderers and think that's all it is. They just don't understand that out of the possible 2% idiots, there are some nice people online.
I think you just need to reassure them. If you want to start to date, if it's online, you can't really get into any danger. The only issue is when you meet. So, if you get to that stage, agree to meet in a public place and tell your mom that for the first time, you'd take a friend or even your sister or someone, so you wouldn't be alone. Also, let them meet him. It would put their mind at rest.
I don't think you need to move out and I doubt they hate you. I think they will just be concerned, so put their mind at rest, explain you're being sensible and covering all ba
For the record, I met my gf online and we are very happy, she's actually moving in soon. So, you just need to be sensible
Good luck x
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Reply by GuitarGirl19 Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:22PM
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Reply by SophiesSecretRoom Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:29PM
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Posted by burstin2go Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:10PM
Hmmm. You are a mature person and must make your own decisions. One of life's lessons is that you 'cannot please all of the people, all of the time'. Weigh up where your future lies - are you always going to put what others think above your own values? By all means take advice and heed it, if it is good, but don't let other people's perceptions rule your life.
Pick the right moment to tell your family that you are going to date someone you met online. Don't hide it - they'll find out anyway. If you have been taking to the guy for along time he probably is genuine and they should respect your wishes to meet him.
Good luck, too
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Posted by DAVEY200011 Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:10PM
It is tough - ask them to reserve judgement until they meet him
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Reply by GuitarGirl19 Sep 16th, 2012 at 4:24PM
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