How can I help in getting my boyfriend's 4 daughters (ages 24, 31, 33 and 42) to accept me and my 21 year old daughter?
People have told me; "Wait until they get older." Well, how much older? They are now 24, 31, 33 and 42 and STILL have not accepted me, nor my 21 year old daughter who is a sweetheart and has done nothing wrong. She's in grad school and very involved with musical theater and working with the special needs population. "The daughter's" lives have been a real struggle, due to their Mom's dysfunctions.The only answer I can come up with is jealousy. Sad because our 3 year old relationship has been in limbo since his four daughters have shunned my daughter and I. At this rate, I'm guessing it won't be until I'm in the grave and we'll have a marriage in heaven! Any input would be much appreciated. Thank you and the best of luck.
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10 Answers to "How can I help in getting my boyfriend's 4 daughters (ages 24, 31, 33 and 42) to accept me and my 21 year old daughter?"
Posted by PoetLover Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:46AM
You can't get them to accept you, they are old enough to make their own decisions, and they already made up their minds about you, and nothing or no one will change it. The good part is that they are old enough to leave, and get a life of their own.
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Posted by Shoreboy Feb 15th, 2013 at 12:03PM
You can't. Just be yourself and they will eventually come to accept you. Understand that the 'acceptance' may not be exactly what you had in mind and will almost certainly vary from one to the other amongst them. Remember that these 'kids' were all adults when you and your beau started your relationship. Don't try to force some kind of relationship amongst them. Just let your daughter try to create an amicable relationship with them (particularly the 24 and 30 something ones) and let that go. One way to help 'break the ice' amongst the girls? Plan a party for your beau (B-day would be good) and have your daughter be a major part of the party planning asking her and the 24 year old to 'team up' to plan the party. Might work...
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Posted by WizGeezer Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:53AM
They were counting on their father's inheritance to bail them out. You and your daughter spoiled their plan. Or they don't approve of you having a physical relationship with their father without marriage if they're religious. Or they think your boyfriend should reunite with their beloved mother. Why doesn't your boyfriend just ask them what their problem is? There's no way we can guess without any information.
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Posted by fishsweeper Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:52AM
That's terrible! Those daughters aren't Living with him, are they? You'll just have to hang in there and be kind to them. Dysfunctional people or people who had to live with a parent like that can be a problem.
I was really lucky. My husband's kids lived with his ex, who was manic depressive, and they were happy to have a sane woman in their lives. My step-son still lives with his mother, but my step-daughter had lived with us for years.
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Posted by avibot Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:50AM
thing is.. you can live your life happily without that, validation. it's just a matter of how we think
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Posted by Sadandsulkingpuppy Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:49AM
Continue being nice!
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Posted by BATOVN Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:49AM
YOU...cannot make them accept you. at those ages its time for THEM to realize....dad has a chance and a RIGHT to be happy and they need to be cordial and friendly even if they never call you "mom"...if youre being kind and your daughter is being friendly....and making the effort to be accomidating to them....then dads selfish lil kids need to grow up. I mean REALLY???????42????.....life moves on and their father has the right to be happy and enjoy lfe.....if you are unable to wind them then the two of you need to sit down and discuss together how to handle it...BUT HE needs to be the one to lay it out for his kids and you need to lay it all on the table to your daughter
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Posted by FlowingDragon Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:48AM
well just be super-nice
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Posted by misplacedheart Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:48AM
I'm 21 soo i shall give my limited opinion I think that you just have to both be your self you can't rush them into trusting you maybe explain that your not trying to take over the role of their mother becauseee i can tell you thats what they will be thinking.
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Posted by attybea Feb 15th, 2013 at 11:45AM
good luck
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