she has the power to do it herself, if she really wants to. stay out of it.
Tell her you don't want to hear it anymore (but in a nice way) and that you have your own problems. You do have them, don't you?
It is not something you can help with, unless she specifically asks you to do something. She has to make the decision to leave on her own.
Well,if their relationship is not good,that will mess her kids up also.Either way,it will affect them.
her kids won't be screwed up if she leaves him... they would be screwed up from seeing what they see at home.. if she loves her self n if she loves her kids.. then she needs to get out.. n get out now! help her make a plan.. it's not always easy just getting up n leave.. she has to have a plan n fall thru with it. tell her to pack some clothes of hers n the kids and leave them at ur house.. that way there isn't a chance of him finding them.. then one day when he is at work.. tell her to get the kids from school and just leave! she has to go somewhere he won't find them n explain the best way she can to her kids what is going on..
Her courage to leave will wax and wane till an impetus appears. You could be that impetus if you arranged to be conspicuously discovered having an affair with the jerk, but you'd be saving her at the cost of your friendship. Such a selfless sacrifice!
I also think you shouldn't be involved directly... Just let her know you're there for her. As for kids, that depends. Like in my case, both me and my brother were the ones to encourage my mom to get a divorce from my dad. And other than making me not want to trust any men or ever fall in love, it hasn't really affected us. Again it's a decision a family should make for themselves. I really disliked it when my uncles wanted to have their opinions as well. That's why supporting her emotionally (and may be even financially) is all you should do.
NEVER get involved in married people's problems. you won't win. ever.
First, by supporting her. Let her know that you care, that you love her, that you are there for her.
As to the kids, KEEP THEM OUT OF THE LINE OF FIRE!!!! Do not use them as pawns in a divorce battle, do not trash talk about the hubby to them, do not make them into little messengers between Mommy and hubby.
Let the kids know that they are loved. Explain to them that the divorce is NOT their fault. Listen to their fears and work to resolve them. Try to keep them on a regular, familiar schedule.
Honestly, no matter what happens, the divorce is going to affect the kids. But by keeping them out of the line of fire, talking and listening to them, you can minimize the damage.
Good luck and best wishes!
can you really? i don't know...convince her of how controlling he is and explain why it is bad and why she should leave, and how she can do it?