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Seems it doesnt matter what I say his ex has him so worked up it seems there is nothing I can say to get him back. Every time I think things are getting better I am just kidding myself. Thought things were going so much better but now seems they are worse than ever and that scares me. I cant be with him at night and I know that is the worst time for him. I just hope he at least has the sense to not do anything stupid at night as he is alone with his 4 children and I would like to think that he wouldnt want them waking up to him hurt or worse. Also wondering if me having upset about the things he says and does is selfish. I know he is hurting and I know I'm not enough for anyone to stick around for so shouldnt upset me especially if he cant stick around for his kids. I hate that what his ex says means more than what I say and some things that get said hurt me but I cant talk about these things with any one. Makes me feel alone and empty
LittleRedShoes LittleRedShoes 31-35 5 Answers Jan 18, 2012

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What does he say that upsets you? You said you couldnt talk about some things with anyone, why is that? Sorry but might help people give you an answer. As for meaning more, its easier to believe the bad stuff, sad but true. Also your partner saying good things is expected it like your mum saying you are good looking, maybe he needs to hear things from elsewhere.

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I'm having the same problem with my fiance. I just keep reminding myself it is ok for me to feel upset at the things he says to me. I'm alowed to have feelings too. I just try to get him to sit and talk to me about the issue untill we get to the root of the problem. Then I try to help him get thru it. Sometimes getting someone to identify the root problem and helping them to see it and work on it is all the support they need. Especially for men because men are typically taught at a young age that men don't cry and don't have problems to talk about. My fiance is comming around and getting better, but it did take some work from me to get him talking. Patients and understanding is necessary. Don't ever think his ex is definately the root problem. She could just be an excuse to allow himself to be angry. Something else could be bothering him and he may not even know it. Hope this helps.

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Tell him to grow a pair and get over it..People that talk about life isn't worth living is just wanting attention, he has a girlfriend why care about an ex? He has a roof over his head.....Food in his belly.. As harsh as it sounds, You should probably leave him. Tell him you cant take all the nights worrying if he is going to hurt himself it's too emotionally draining for you.

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He cares about the ex because they have children together and everytime she comes to visit the children she shouts at him and blames him for everything so now he feels worthless and that he shouldnt be around for anyone as she has him convinced he ruins everything

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He should care about the children, Not the ex. Tell him to stop being selfish and think of all the people in his life hes hurting,

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I just worry if I do that he will just push me away and get worse and maybe do something stupid. Just want to help him but guess he needs to help himself

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One thing I have learned with people like this, Because I have a friend of 5 years and everyday he tells me he wants to die (I couldn't take it anymore and I ended the friendship) That you can't make them better, They want to bring you down with them, It's better to cut ties, if you think he truely will hurt himself call the authorities and move on with your life, You cant be his super woman. Only he can change himself.

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I think you need to move on because my attention span isn't long enough to evaluate this scenio. <br />
Can you leave him?

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I dont want to split up with him I want to get him better but I cant see how to do that

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