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today was a great example. i got my 13yr old daughter some new clothes. 2 tops that I knew she would love that got a thanks, some trousers that she barely even looked at and she needed new school skirts but that just descended into a big bout of complaining even though they were the only ones I could get
LittleRedShoes LittleRedShoes 31-35 14 Answers Oct 4, 2011

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My son was doing this too wanted new shoes every month, so I took all his electronics away n took him to our local wish closet (free stuff for the needy) an dropped all the cloths he thought was uncool off there n let him pick his new shoes from there. Now he does house work to keep his electronics an understands how lucky he is when we buy him nice things. If he complains I take him back to the wish closet n we trade stuff we have for what he needs. (n none of it is new)

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First of all, thirteen year old kids complain about everything and anything so don't take it too personally.<br />
Second, children can only compare what they are now experiencing to whatever they have known in their lives. I can remember how, back in the 1950s, our parents (baby boomers) would get extremely angry and even bitterly depressed because we kids did not understand what hard work, struggle and tough times were all about. They had grown up in the depression and had gotten through, or even fought in, WWII. We, on the other hand, had grown up in the prosperous 1950s and we could not relate to their tales of walking through the snow to school with no lunch. Kids only know what they know.<br />
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You have two basic choices here: You can accept that your kids will not be grateful or appreciate what is normal for them; it is simply what they expect. Eventually, when they grow up, twenty years from now and have gone through the rigors of a job and having a spouse and kids, they will express some appreciation, most likely. But not now.<br />
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Or... you can make it quite a bit tougher for them right now so they will have something to which to compare their usual existence. You could decide to go on a long primitive camping trip or send them to one of those Outward Bound programs for the summer. Or you could decide to cut way back on things and give them a bigger allowance so they can buy their own stuff but could not ask you for any money or stuff. I kow a father who, back in the 1970s, told his kids that he had gotten his salary cut in half and that the house needed to be seriously bug bombed and they could not afford the motel for a week so they woud have to camp out in a huge army tent in the backyard. It was a struggle but fun and his kids learned a lot from the experience. Another father I know took his kids with him to a foreign country where people were very poor and they spent a year there. Very educational. You could also insist that, to earn their alowance, they have to volunteer one half day a week for an organization that helps desperately poor people.<br />
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Good luck. I don't know what I would do in your place but I do think it would be a good idea to do one of the other of the above suggestions, rather than keep on complaining about their arrogance and lack of appreciation.

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Kids rarely understand how lucky they are. What happens is that they become adults, shoulder all that responsibility, and then realize how lucky they were.

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I sent my young'n to Mexico. I know that wouldn't be a good idea now that things down there are out of control with the drug wars and such. But she went down and stayed with a host family. She couldn't put her toilet paper down the toilet. There were no McDonalds on the corner, and clothes could be bought but there wasn't alot of money out there. Her hosts introduced her to people not as "well off" as them and it really hit home to her.....so she said.

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I am a teen, and trust me, this is a VERY hard subject. Us teens don't really know what we want, except that we want new, and in the loop things. thats not saying you need to buy your kids stuff, but keep things like that in mind. try to be as involved as you can in their lives when growing up, and trust me, youll make a connection that will last a life time.

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The more I had to do for myself, the more I appreciated what others had done for me. Then when I was in the Army, I learned to appreciate everything about the freedom of civilian life that we have. I have never forgotten that. It's a process.

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Stop buying them stuff - make them do chores - and pay them ----- Hey why are you drinking my milk -- You got milk money go get your own ---|||| Oh it's like that now is it ||| --- yep

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Don't give a lecture, she probably won't listen, kids never do. I'd take all the clothes back and tell her that until she earns half of the cost, she can't have them. Then have her do chores like laundry or mopping to earn the money.

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Tried that with my children. There seems to be no way. Only time will let them see and know that.<br />
So sad...

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maybe just wait til she is grown and has children of her own and then when she complains about it say 'now you know it felt for me'?

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Sadly true! We never get thanked until they are grown and on their own...

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