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We've been together for two years. Broke up in July and got back together a couple of weeks ago; I am taking things slowly. I respect his space and privacy, and don't want to over-analyze our situation. He rarely talks, and is very uncomfortable talking about his feelings. I focus on his actions rather than his words, but we end up miscommunicating this way. He said he loves me, likes spending time together, and texts me all the time. He is important to me and I want our relationship to work. Any advice?? Thanks!
sassyg1rl sassyg1rl 36-40, F 12 Answers Nov 17, 2012 in Romance & True Love

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Men are more oriented toward action and experience than words. Come up with some activities to share - that can give you both something to talk about afterwards. <br />
Don't think for a minute that you will ever change an introvert or a quiet person into an outgoing or talkative person. If he's a good listener and you like to babble on and on, you may have a perfect match! lol<br />
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Avoid emotional talk. If he's already said he loves you, trust that. Does he ever make you laugh? Do you give him "attaboys" when he does something for you?

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He makes me laugh a lot and I definitely use positive reinforcement.

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You need to tell him what you want him to communicate. How you want him to communicate it. Why it is important for him to communicate it.

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I have. He tells me that he doesn't like to talk. That he's really shy. Whenever he opens up a little to me it is amazing and I tell him so. :)

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It is going to take a while of repeated exposure to this sort of positive reinforcement to see the change you want.

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I seriously think he's hiding something depressing so just trick him into talking about his feelings then just go with the flow or just ask why he doesn't talk too much

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Write each other love notes. And you don't have to say something for it to be true. "You say it best when you say nothing at all."

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That's a tricky one....those types are often passive aggressive...which mean nothing but trouble..personally I can't stand that in any long term relationship, so when I see that...I move on. Though it may be compatible for you, thus ok...but the fact that your asking about it...is a red flag.

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He is not passive aggressive. My parents are, so I am very used to those kinds of ppl. He's 30 and I'm the only gf he's had because he is so shy.

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Have a think about what is making you unhappy with the way he is. Maybe you just need someone whose different. Trying to change a person is always going to fall flat on it's face. Try and live with him the way he is. It might not be his problem. It might be that you need someone different

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I don't want to change him, I love him like he is. I just don't want miscommunication to stand in our way.

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men more-so then women have trouble expressing their feelings so quietness can be expected but there are other things at play here that must be discussed so without to much pressure you have to find a time and place to talk things out.

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Need to understand how his mind works and maybe you should do things through actions and see how that goes? Talk about it to him about the communicating part and see what he suggests because you're finding it hard to understand him and relationships are all about communication

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If it's important to you that he communicates and is more outgoing, then he is not "the guy". Especially if you broke up and got back together. I'm guessing that you're settling, or you wouldn't be asking the question.

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I'm not settling. I was married to "the guy" for over 20 years and we had a fabulous marriage until he got brain damage and left me (not kidding)several years ago. Relationships take work but are worth the effort.

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I never meant to upset you. You originally said you were together 2 years, not 20, and you left out the part about his brain damage. My opinion was based on what little info you gave originally.

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I'm not upset, they are two different guys. My ex-husband has a very different personality due to his TBI and has a new wife that he is compatible with. My point was that I know better than to settle because I've been a long-term relationship. My bf doesn't have a brain injury....he's just quiet. :)

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