Sounds like the jealous type, those are the early warning signs of future abuse. Maybe umm find another boyfriend

Best Answer

The abuse has already came and gone. He's gotten better now.

Best Answer

Ouch - be careful very few abusers actually stop abusing. If a person has a vioplent and agrgessive abusive personality they never really stop doing it. Please be very careful

Best Answer

I have an escape plan if things go bad again. I'm prepared. I know you all think I am stupid. But I want to help him. No one has ever stayed in his life long enough to help, including his family. I want to be the one to show him, that I will never leave, and he can always lean on me and I will help him through whatever darkness he runs into.

Best Answer

dangerous, but your heart's in the right place, and it sounds like you're on top of things, just be careful and wary of the warning signs

Best Answer

Thank you.

Best Answer

Not stupid maybe blinded by love
It is a bad relationship - he is as others have said a control freak, what happens when he imagines that you are "looking" at a guy - or if you are five mins late coming back from the supermarket??? Get out NOW - please .

Best Answer

We don't go anywhere without each other. We are only apart right now because it is court ordered. The whole 8months of living together, we where away for only about 3 times. Besides when he was in jail and when I was in jail.

Best Answer

if there is a court order separating you then there is a problem. this is not a healthy relationship. he is controlling you and you are letting him. being there for someone sometimes means telling them that they are NOT allowed to treat you bad.

Best Answer

Uh...The court order has nothing to do with him. It has to do with I'm getting a felony...

Best Answer
6 More Responses

tell him to grow up ........and grow a pair.........................

Best Answer

But leaving him is something I don't want to do. I want to help him work on his problems. I want to get through them together.

Best Answer

he's lucky to have someone as committed as you, but be careful

Best Answer

I just don't want him to have to be alone. I've been alone my whole life, and I know its close to impossible to fix anything when you are all depressed from being abandoned

Best Answer

Listen Sweety , if you haven't noticed by now , all these commenters are negative. Follow your heart if you feel you need to be there for him go ahead and be there .. He's expecting you to leave like everybody else has already done. But once he gets threw his problems and that moment when everybody disappeared on him and he sees you on the other side of him supporting him 100% he'll trust you but no matter what no woman should EVER go through abuse thats where your going wrong because you didn't stop it .. I went through the same problem with the exception of abuse but I was in a relationship for a year and we both messed up in the relationship but then we looked past it and went &. Worked on our relationship so that we could make it better .. Every relationship has its struggles but only the strong survive so do what you feel is right and he's a lucky man for having you by his side hopefully he realizes this and you two can work passed whatever it is you need too look past 😘

Best Answer

him not trusting you is NOT love. if he needs to look at everything you do for him to be happy with you then he does not love you. i keep reading and i am really worried about you. helping someone is great but just because he has not hurt you in a period of time (very short period if ya'll have only been together 8 months) does not mean he won't hurt you again. and the next time you might not get up to be able to help him anymore.

Best Answer

I know it seems like I'm just some stupid immature girl. But I really know what I'm talking about when I say he won't do it again...

Best Answer

i don't think you are immature. or stupid. the girl part is probably pretty true :)
i have never been abused in a relationship. no one sticks around long with me. i have mostly been an observer when it comes to relationship. sometimes that is the best perspective. someone from the outside can see things that those involved can't. i just want you to be very careful. abusers rarely change. very very rarely. and if he does abuse you again, in ANY way, you need to leave. i know you want to prove to him that he can trust you but he has to be willing to trust you. abusers don't trust. you will never prove that to him.
please do be careful. no one can make the decision to leave him except you. and abusers do not like to let their victims go. he will make you feel like it's your fault and that you are the reason he is how he is. and will guilt you into coming back. or promise that he does love you and will never do it again.
i do think you are young. and youth comes with inexperience. that is not a bad thing, it just is. maybe if you talk to some women who have been where you are. see if you can find a group of abused women, tell them everything about your situation and listen to their experiences and see how you feel.
if you want to please add me. i would like to know how you are. to know that you are ok.
good luck to you sweetie.

Best Answer

Listen to what you're saying:<br />
<br />
He hasn't beaten me since November 17th. I haven't seen him in a little over a month. It is currently January 26th. Deduction: He's gone a little over a month without beating me, so he's doing much better. <br />
<br />
He has all of my passwords, e-mail addresses and phone numbers. He knows all my friends, where I'm at, who I'm with and why I'm there. Nothing I have is mine. He owns me. And I love him far more than I love myself.<br />
<br />
His accusations that I'm a lying ***** are forgivable, as are his beatings. If they weren't, I'd be gone. <br />
<br />
That's what you're saying. Follow your gut. You know what to do.

Best Answer

Well, for the first time in my life I kinda see it how it really is...But I still want to help him. I know this is all bad. I know he has done some ****** up things. But no one ever deserves total abandonment.

Best Answer

He would do anything for me. I understand all of what you are saying. And it is honestly very helpful. I agree that he needs help. Counseling, possibly meds. But I feel I should stay with him to help him through this. So he doesn't get it in his head that everyone is out to hurt him. That is what brings up his anger. He gets scared. He needs to learn to handle his anger in a healthy way. Thank you so very much for your advice.

Best Answer

run run run run like hell and don't stop

Best Answer

You're a fool to stay with this guy!!! He's a control freak! Can't you see that??? Run! Run! Run away and never look back!!!<br />
<br />
Never, and I repeat never, give your passwords to anyone! You prove your trustworthiness by your actions. You need to be yourself, not what others want you to be. If anyone can't trust you then so be it and forget about them! Simple as that! You're a wimp if you bend over backwards to prove your trust and loyalty to a person who can see only what they want to see. Forget this guy, leave him, trust me on this. He will NEVER trust you! The mere act of him checking up on you is solid proof of that!

Best Answer

Can no one give me any other advice besides leave him? I love this boy. I want to be with him. I just want to help him see that its only him I love, and I'm not going to do anything to hurt him.

Best Answer

You're stupid to stay with him!!! I'm 55 years old and have tons of experience on this issue. Leave him or get off of EP.

Best Answer

Well if you have experience with this issue can you give me some good advice without being a **** and calling me stupid? This is all pretty ******* irritating, SOMEONE GIVE ME SOMETHING OTHER THAN LEAVE HIM. ****, I can handle myself. Abuse isn't the issue I brought forward here anyways. I'm just talking about learning to trust.

Best Answer

If you want lies, go some where else. You will get only the truth (and sometimes jokes) here on EP. If you were my daughter, I'd ground you for at least a month and forbid you to see this boy. I'm trying to get you angry intentionally. You need to understand that we know much more than you do. If we all tell you to leave him, then that is what you MUST do! I'm sorry that it's not what you wanted to hear, but it's what you NEED to hear. How do your parents feel about this boy???

Best Answer

My parents know he needs help. But my mother loves him like he is hers. She wants to help him too. They have had their ups and downs with him. But they see that no matter what they do, they won't stop me from being with him, so they just want to help in any way possible. They understand all that is going on. They love me, and they love him.

Best Answer

Oh boy, and I say that in a very worried tone. It appears that your parents are weak-willed and you're strong-willed. They're not trying to help him because they like him, but rather because you refuse to leave this kid and they want to make life as least painful as they can. What I hate about teens is that they think they know everything, but they are sorely mistaken. I know because my son is 18. I tell him all about life and he refuses to heed my advice. Some people are destined to fall on their own faces and make their own mistakes to learn life's lessons the hard way. It looks like you're that type. I'm trying to give you valuable advice and yet you shun me like I know nothing. It insults us adults. Do what you want and soon you'll learn that I was telling you the honest truth. Then I'll smile and say "I told you so!" Here's my last attempt to help you. If you want to do the right thing then go ahead and help this boy but do not accept him as your boyfriend. Be his friend and don't get intimate withi him. Find yourself a boy who is a gentleman and will treat you with respect and adoration. He's out there somewhere, and it's not the boy you're talking about in here. I truly wish you luck. Please heed my words. Thanks in advance. :)

Best Answer

First of all. I'm not saying any thing to bring upon offence to any adults. I'm 18, I can make my own choices. I choose him. He has changed. And he shows me all the time. He doesn't yell at me anymore, he doesn't do anything violent at all. My father is proof people can change. 10 years of beating the **** out of my mom, 10 years of trying to kill her, and now he has been with a woman for 15 years, and has NEVER laid a hand on her. He changed. And so can my boyfriend.

Best Answer

That changes things! Knowing about your family helps me to undersand you better. I can see why you're into this type of guy now. I still don't agree with you going out with this guy but there's nothing I can do to change your mind. My career advice for your is to consider going into the counseling field to help people. You seem like a helper type. So my advice about this guy and his trust issues is to change all your passwords and financial accounts so that he no longer has access to any of them. Why? Because he needs to learn to trust you at face value, as you are, the way the rest of us trust anyone we love. If he can't trust you at your word, then he DOES NOT love you. If he doesn't love you, why stay with him? If you want him to be normal, treat him like a normal person. Don't give him too much rope or he'll hang himself, if you get my meaning.

Best Answer
5 More Responses

Having read all the comments and your replies <br />
<br />
And with only that to go on my gut feeling is to say <br />
<br />
GET OUT - GET SOMEWHERE SAFE and find a new life with a decent guy

Best Answer

But I am safe. You see, he hasn't done it in a really long time. He has honestly gotten better. I just want to show him i'm trustable.

Best Answer

Are youtrying to persuade me of that or perhaps persuade yourself that that is true.
Please trust me - a leoprd does nto change its spots. He may not have been abusive for a while, btu he clearly has isues, and you are suffering. That is not a normal relationship, it can only get worse.
Please - I know you love him, but make some plans and get out ASAP
Really - I have seen abusive families close hand - they NEVER change

Best Answer

My family was abusive. Every single one of them changed. I know its possible

Best Answer

OK you know best - maybe
be careful and be safe !

Best Answer
1 More Response

You can't. This is his problem...not yours. Sounds very controlling..and that is not good. It will only get worse as time goes on. I'm sorry.

Best Answer

Its honestly gotten a little better. A lot of our other problems have almost completely stopped(well as far as I know cuz I haven't seen him in a little over a month)

Best Answer

Ok...justification is good too...I guess. ; /

Best Answer

If he doesn't trust you it's a cr@p relationship imo. <br />
Why is he so untrusting? Is he up to something himself?<br />
<br />
I'm not trying to be harsh but people like that make me very suspicious.

Best Answer

They make me suspicious too. My mom always told me that my dad would accuse her of cheating, but be doing it himself when she wasn't. So whenever he is so untrusting, I feel that he is hiding something from me, then I get scared. Usually when I'm jealous of something, or I am dealing with my insecurities, I just hold it in. I don't want him to think I'm doing something bad when I'm not, so I don't normally like to talk about the bad feelings I get sometimes.

Best Answer

Cause he's a controlling insecure loser who will never trust you. Anyone who is incapable of trusting you or gets jealous over things that haven't even happened when you haven't even done anything to deserve them to worry is not worth being with. Most likely his issues will be the downfall of your relationship.

Best Answer

He isn't a loser. But yes, controlling is something he is. We have been working on it for awhile now. Its just sometimes it gets pretty ugly. At the moment, we can't even see each other, but I just need some advice on how to talk to him about these issues, and how to handle them for when we live together again.

Best Answer

don't make that mistake, if it already gets ugly sometimes, multiply that times ten and that's where you're headed with this troubled young man

Best Answer

But how can I help him? He is in counseling I think. Well he says he is, but I don't see how he ever goes when he is always texting me...This is really a lot to take in. I'm not as scared of him as I was before, but all these comments are kinda bringing my fear back...

Best Answer

you know if you operate a chainsaw, you have to be a little afraid of it to respect what it's capable of. I'm not trying to scare you, but I've seen this story unfold time and time again

Best Answer
1 More Response

My bf has done this to me a lot too. It's a guilty concience

Best Answer

Your bf is insecure and lacks self confidence

Best Answer

I've had similar experience with trust issues except in my relAtionship it was emotional, not physical abuse. Everyone I tried to get advice from told me to leave him and that wasn't the answer I was looking for. The anger is his problem and he probably learned it from a parent. The only way to help him is to help yourself. Be assertive, stand up for your rights, show him how you use kind words to express negative feelings. Be confident that you are trustworthy and loyal and he will see it too. But holding your feelings in will make the suspicions and all constructive communication go to ****. discuss your feelings openly as much as You possibly can, tell him if you feel suspicious and explain why and show him how you deal with It in a heAlthy way. its possible for you guys to work things out but it will be hard and take a long time and It is not likely. Sometimes relationships like this need a miracle. I suggest Jesus. He is an outstanding example of how to be understanding and forgiving and loving. My boyfriend has made tremendous progress but i still can't say with confidence that he will trust me no matter what. If your bf lays a hand on you, the only way he will find help is if you show him there are consequences by leaving him.

Best Answer

Related Questions