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ilovedrac ilovedrac 22-25, F 25 Answers Mar 23, 2012

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wow to the people who say they will never change ! about 50% of them won't and the other 50% will ! people make mistake's ...you are going to judge someone because they went to jail ? and to the women who got ****** over by there bf's who did go in jail well if the relationship wasn't good before he went then you won't make a difference ! my man has been in almost 2 year's now and we were perfect before he went people make mistake's ..that's life get over it ! i know a lot of people who went and changed there life's once they got out ! so don't always judge a book by it's cover ! you people are perfect right ? .. wrong NO ONE is perfect ! pft ...just because you had a bad experience with someone in jail does not mean every one of them is the same !

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Be careful. Every prisoner I've ever heard of only keeps a girlfriend while they are prison so that they have a connection to the outside world. Someone who can bring them blue jeans, cigarettes and other goodies that they can sell in prison. Everyone of these guys dumped this girl for another one once they were released.

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my relationship is not about that. i appreciate what you are saying but i know that he is not like that. our relationship is on another level.

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That's what they said too. Just telling you from experience and knowledge, be careful.

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Oh my goodness, so many ignorant, uninformed opinions. Have you been there?

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So is mine. I stand by you

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The fact that you have your freedom and he is in prison and you still consider him your fiance is proof enough.

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thanks.

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Honestly, just be there for him. Send him letters and cards, packages, personal photos, talk on the phone and visit whenever possible. Tell him you love him. Be encouraging, positive, tell him you're always thinking about him, you're praying for him and ask how things are for him.<br />
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Prison is an incredibly stressful situation and if he starts acting strange, it can be any one of a number of things. Be sure to be an active listener when he wants to talk, and if he's not ready to talk then don't press him.<br />
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The rules are pretty strict, follow them to the letter so that he doesn't catch any flak from any staff or other inmates, that'll make it easier on him, too. <br />
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Hopefully he'll be home soon. Best of luck to you.

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thanks i really appreciate the advice. you're right it is a very stressful place for him and well the only thing i can do is try to make his time a lot easier right? anyway thanks!

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Personalized Crossword Puzzle, Message on a letter with glow in the dark nail polish, get out of jail free monopoly card, 20 questions, a sticky note with cute message he can carry around in his pocket.

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Nobody should be negative against people they do not know. people go to jail everyday who do not deserve to be there or deserve a second chance. the fact you people are being so negative makes you ugly inside and hateful. Kharma is a *****. Treat others as you want to be treated. and carriehurley great ideas i will use them:}

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Lol i was reading this an noticed your name haha yes I gave good ideas lol

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Lol u like them ideas

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Hi mines started when i became a penpal to prisoners im verry spiritual and its been a year now that this guy and i feel in love he is all i ever think of .i believe god put us together for a reason .I write him everyday and send cards then he ask me to marrie him.I do want to marrie him i havent think of any other man i waiting for him ..well i think iam .it like he is my soul mate and he is mys I know so much about him he send me his court sc<x>ripts so i will know he is true and honest the thing is he is in there for something he didnt do.and i never met him because he is in california and im in nj .im on ssd and cant aford to go see him .we talk on the phone alot .i know he keeps telling me that once i get things together i can come out and see i him .Latly I been really thinking about this and if he will ever get out and im wasting my time in love with someone i may never see..I believe we are ling. On a wish and a prayer.I need more but I dont want to hurt him .I dont judge people on what ever they did he is paying his time .He already been there 13 years .anyone can help will be appreciated im just tired of crying ever night because i do love him but i cant help him .there has to be someone that can take his case and help him..God Bless

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You are in school for Christ's sake. Who are you to say that the people who have spent their valuable time trying to help you from their own experience had any less of a valuable relationship than you do, it only proves to those writing to attempt to help you personally that you are too naïve to be carrying on with this relationship, and that you will regret the choice in future. It may not be what you want to hear, but surely so many people with similar experience can not be wrong.

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My fiancé is prison for 11 yrs and its so hard convincing him I love him and will wait for him, we just need to tell them all the time we love them write to them I write every day and he rings 2 or 3 times a day I play his favourite songs in the background little things like that make his day, he listens to smooth radio on a night, so I send in request's for him all the time it helps but hes scared of losing me but I love him and will wait x

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Well what I do is write him a letter or small note every single day, sometimes more than one, with the date and time on it, just letting him know how I'm feeling or what I've been up to and just to let him know I'm thinking of him and that I love him. And of course visit when possible and phone calls and making sure he knows I'm home every night. lol. My husband definitely feels secure and loved. And send new pictures whenever you can.

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I have read every answer on here and agree with the 1st one and the lady that is married and was an inmate herself, I to have been in jail and when I got out my man went in a month later he will be in for at least a year or more I hope less and he's been in for 5 months now, it is very hard there is not a minute that goes by that I don't think about him, I am on probation & my PO won't write me permission to go see him so it is very hard, I love him with all my heart and will wait for him I don't care if it is 30 days, months or years I will be by his side. I write him a letter every night and a poem in every letter… he says that is his favorite thing about them other then when I write about what I'm going to do to him when he gets out, I send sexy pics and listen to him when he calls, I try not to tell him anything negative unless he hears something in my voice. Be positive girl if your love is true it will onlyake your bond stronger. I hope the best for you I know it's hard I have been on both sides of the fence. Just be honest not only to him but to yourself as well.<br />
Dee Smiley

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I read the response about you being "stupid" for loving and being engaged to someone in jail. I completely disagree! I was with my boyfriend for 3 years before something horrible happened and now hes in jail. I love him and I cant imagine being with anyone else. I dont want anyone else. Im waiting for him no matter how long it takes. The best thing to do is to continue to write to him. I see my Fiance every 2 weeks and its killer so I couldnt imagine being 4 1/2 hours away from him. Just always talk to him and tell him you love him and if you don't you should write to him! My man said letters mean the world to him and he loves just being about to read them when he gets depressed. Writing helps a lot a lot. [For both of us! I carry his letters in my purse at all time]<br />
Goodluck!

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@ilovedrac- As a wife of an inmate this life is not easy- but it also doesnt have to be hard. Trust yourself ,your relationship and be strong. This life is not ideal and not for every one but if you choose to continue loving then stand on that with both feet! Yes, anything can happen and sometimes things dont work out how we planned but cross that bridge when you get there,You love, you learn and you move on but until then keep loving, keep smiling, keep believing and keep the faith. Let him see you living your life to the fullest. He loves you and thats what he wants to see- his love happy, not sad! Share everything that you see with him in pictures like hes right there with you. Write him, send jokes, write sexy alter ego stories, let him choose books you both will read and talk about, pray together, use this time to build a solid foundation for your future together. Talk about the hard stuff and the challenges that will come and have a date night.. where you guys have dirty phone sex! I guess what im saying is that the only limits that apply are the ones we put on ourselves. God bless you and your heart, know that what ever way this goes.... you will be better for it!<br />
Continue loving!<br />
Faithfully.......Mrs. Clark ( forever) Smile

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I'm going through the same thing but the difference between you and me is that i meet him after he got in jail .. i really don't know what to do to show him how i feel for him. He says i deserve better but even if i do i don't want anybody else but him ..

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@lalyyo6- i meet mine in there also 6yrs ago. We built a friendship slowly. Trust needed to be earned on both sides. We communicate open and honestly even if it hurts. Show him that you care while you live your life. dont stop living loving and being happy, that creates a feeling of guilt for them. If he thinks you deserve better - he may be telling you the truth so concintrate on building a friendship and all the rest will fall into place. Be good to you and a good friend to him and teach him by example how to be a good to himself. Show him with your consistancy and care that hes worth it.

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Hon, that is a very good question, and shows that you're willing to do anything for the man you love. Don't listen to all the crappy answers that some of the idiots on here have posted. <br />
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I can sort of identify, not that the man I love is in prison, but he has been in situations where everyone says he's not going to change, when they really don't know what he's going through, his motives and reasons for things he does. He is really a good man, extremely caring, kind, gentle and tender, and has made me a better person by teaching me things that no body else cared about me enough to teach me... But Hon, just be there for your man. That is one of the most important things. Tell him that you're not going to give up on your relationship, no matter how difficult things get. You say your love for each other is true and real, well then, no amount of fire or trials will destroy it, rather, it will make it stronger. Years from now, you'll look back and know that you've been made stronger through it all. Write him letters, and keep them all in a bundle, and when you visit, give them to him. If you can, give him phone calls. Every time you see him, let him talk, you just listen. If he doesn't want to talk, then just BE there. It won't be awkward, coz you love him. Or, if there is nothing to say, just touch his hand and tell him that you love him. He will have moments when he might seem reclusive and withdrawn from you. It's not you, it's just the stress and pressure that he would be experiencing. Be strong for him, and even when you feel down, don't show him. Two "down" people is never a good combination. Even in long periods of time when you have no contact, it is helping HIM when you help yourself to stay healthy, in a positive fr<x>ame of mind, and keep reminding yourself how much you love him. <br />
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Do you have much contact with him?<br />
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I'm saying all this from my own personal experiences, so I hope that this might help you a little bit. I wish you and your fiance all the very best.

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i dont visit him as often because he is 4.5 hours away and my car isnt that great to go up there all the time. but i do talk to him over the phone everyday. i really do appreciate the advice and i think it will deff. help me out. thank you very much!

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By giving him back his ring and telling him it is over ! <br />
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What is wrong with you? Fiance' in PRISON !!! <br />
You want to marry a person who will NEVER have a good job because of his police and prison record? <br />
He will never be able to support the family like any normal person would due to his past.<br />
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We do not even know what he is in for and it really makes no difference. <br />
He is a convicted criminal and you want to be with him? <br />
That is sad, very very sad. I feel sorry for you because you are not thinking clearly for your own future. You are listening to his lies and how much he loves you and all that crap.<br />
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Girl, I want to see you eat a plate full of love and tell me how full you get. <br />
You will starve because LOVE won't buy groceries !!!

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love is not measured by the amount of money he makes u stupid person, and my future will not be hurt because of him. i am in school and i am going to make the best of my future, just because i love a man who made a mistake doesn't make me stupid. the heart can't help who it loves and yes you are right love doesn't buy groceries but like i told you i have a future with or without him and i choose to have him in it! so you can do me a big favor and not reply if you aren't gonna help. this is suppose to be a place where people can go to find help, have someone to talk to, not where they get told what to do because it's what society says we should do! regardless of what you and many others have to say i still choose to be with him.

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You are right this is a place where you can get help.
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NOW because the help is telling you something that you do not want to hear then you are saying it is WRONG and should never say anything that you do not agree with.
THAT IS CHILDISH.
If you cannot take an opposing opinion then DO NOT ASK !

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Why do you think that forcing an ignorant opinion is helpful. Let the forum-yes my man is in prison too and I am in college-help her and stop being a butthead. Go help someone else - if you can.

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How rude. Felons get good jobs. And can have a great life. What an ignorant pig you are!

Girl trust me. There are wonderful opportunities for people of all walks in life.

Love your man. Be his rock.

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Sorry hun....been there stayed w a guy for 3 years.... when he got out... stayed with him another year. NO CHANGE! If he loves you he will let you live your life. I am not judging and it isn't like he is away at war. He broke the law what ever it may be and remember your future with his record will always be an issue. You have deep sympathy for him, you feel bad for him, you love him in a different way. You MISS him. There isn't many ways to show him you "Love him" when they are locked up. When he is depressed, he takes it out on you. He is trying to survive day by day with his thoughts. he will get jealous, he will push away. You can stay his friend and love him from a far. Still write, possibly visit, but honest you are holding yourself back. And for him to hold on to you and have you suffer for his actions isn't fair. <br />
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I wish you luck, but just realize you are better off.

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thanks for the advice but i have heard that plenty of times. i do appreciate it but its my choice to stay, i have also been with my man for 3years. i have seen the change in him, i know he has a lot more to do but he is making progress and thats all that matters to me. my relationship with him is a lot more meaningful then 99% of the ones out here. i know him inside and out just as he knows me inside and out, we dont sit here and talk about meaning less things and its not all cotton candy with us, we talk about things that have meaning, our desires and goals in life and how to accomplish them. he teaches me how to prioritize my life, set goals and how to accomplish them in a timely manner, he has taught me how to manage my money, the is a great man even thow he made a great mistake in his life doesnt mean he is a bad person. everyone makes mistakes and no one is different. just cuz one sin looks worse than another doesnt make it worse. to God a liar is just as bad as a murderer so dont be so quick to judge not every one who is a criminal is the same. just cuz one person doesnt change doesnt mean the next person cant.

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You're personal opinion does not make you or your man an expert. I maintain that each personal opinion is different and that they have the right to ride out this experience.

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Good for you girl.

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Send him a card at least weekly and ask him to reply every card you sent. ;-)

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It's probably help him to get through the day..

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thanks and trust me it does help him when he gets mail weekly

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Sorry to hear then.

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its okay thanks thow

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Bring him a jar of vasoline

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dont be another idiot sayin slick **** out the mouth thats not what im askin the question for its a fucken serious question!

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I am sorry that people are being jerks. I'm fairly new to this site and I hate it when you ask a serious question and people ar Aholes about it. Anyway, if you really want this to work then tell him, be there for him when he needs you, and all the times that he doesn't. Did you know him before jail? If you did than this is hard for you, but not as hard as it could be. You knew the kind of person he was and maybe still is. What crime did he commit? Was it as serious as murder or something simpler? If you didn't meet him until AFTER the sentencing, well, you could still tell him how you feel but you want to know everything. Life as an open book. If he truly loves you, he shouldn't have a problem spilling. How hard is he willing to try to be with you? I'm fifteen and dumb as a brick when it comes to experience... But I want to try and help anyway. That's why you asked the question, right?

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dont worry about it, its something im gonna deal with forever, even when he gets out people are still gonna talk trash and say he's gonna end up leaving me so it really doesnt bother me as much as it used to. i did know him before he went to jail but not that well. we mainly got to know each other after he was locked up. we started writing letters, the phone calls and eventually i ended up going to visit often. then we ended up starting to date. he is in prison for aggrevated batter with a deadly weapon. and trust me i know him very well, i know things about him that his mother doesnt know, things that other girls he has been with dont know, i know him almost as good as he knows his self. you dont seem to be too dumb if u ask me you seem a lot smarter then the dumb fuckz on here. anyway thanks for the advice sweetie!

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Jerk

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Don't become pregnant while his incarcerated?

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im not.

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If you keep it that way he'll be very thankful. Probably need to bring him smokes for barter money.

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smoking was banned september 1st 2011

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Not much else other than be there when he gets out if you really love him. If not, cut bait and bolt then.

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ill always be here for him thats for certain. anyways thanks.

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stash drugs into you,he'll love that

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dont be a ****** ******* you idiot this a serious question you dumb ****.

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People can be idiots. I am waiting for my man too and I wouldn't listen to the ignoramuses on here. It is nice to see some good he artful replies, however.

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