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my bf's mom is overbearing, she calls like 9 times a day, & wants him with her all the time, she doesn't like me anymore, even though she was the one who set us up sort of, she is manipulative, money obsessed, & only thinks of herself. she doesn't care about how her son feels as long as she gets what she wants. & lately she's been saying things to him that make me think she doesn't want me around anymore so she can have him to herself, I served my purpose & now it's time to get rid of me, you see. he moved to my town to be with me, & she lives here too. I think that's why she put us in contact, hoping it would get him here. her life partner just died, she was going to leave him but then he got sick & she stayed to get a inheritance, but now he's gone & she has tons of free time & is using it all to bug us, she uses the guilt card saying she's lonely & grieving, but she could care less, she only cries when she is around people for attention! how can I get her to stop doing this?
Lithriel Lithriel 26-30, F 9 Answers Aug 1, 2011

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I'm sorry, I don't have any answers for you nor any suggestions that haven't already been said. I do, however, send you my deepest sympathy. I do know what it is like to try & deal with a person who is determined to have it their way. Perhaps try a bit of reverse psychology on her. Start smothering her with attention, not a minutes peace. Stay in her face consistently and always agree with everything she says. Some people do these kind of things for attention. That's really all I have.

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thats a good idea, but I think being around her that much would drive me insane, not to mention that my tongue would probably fall out if I were to agree with her, lol.

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This is not your job, Anything that needs to be done to set boundaries with his mother is your boyfriend's job. There is, I am sorry to say, nothing you can do that will make any difference.<br />
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There is a rule for this kind of situation: Any time anyone connected with your lover treats you badly or does things to make your relationship difficult, it is exactly the same as if your lover did it. He is responsible. After all, if he did not allow it, it would not be happening. And, while we're at it, how did you come to find out she has been saying things about you that show she doesn't want you around anymore? I am assuming he told you--why would he do that if he wanted a happy, peaceful relationship with you? Why would he tell you something that makes you feel less secure? Either he is telling you this as a hint that he agrees with his mother but is using her as his excuse to end the relationship, or he is telling you this to vent his own feelings of frustration. He should not be telling you any of this. He should be telling his mother.<br />
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If it were me, I would give her a period of time to mourn (a week? a month?) and then draw the line at her over-involvement in your life. Tell your boyfriend that if he wants to be involved with her, he will have to do it himself, without you, at her house. Expect him to choose her over you. In a way, he already has.

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he tells her to back off but it doesn't go through her thick ****.ing scull, she just keeps bugging us. he's yelled at her, talked to her calmly, tried everything he/we can think of aside from cutting her out of his life completely. he won't do that. he did it when he was younger. cut her out of his life for years, but he has a lot of guilt over that. he says he just wants to be a good son. he gets so frustrated with her too, thats why he tells me the things she says, to vent. we vent to each other. I hope one of two things happens, either she calms down and backs off, or he tells her to fuc.k off. I think if she keeps it up, eventually he'll either tell her to go to hell, or we'll have to move. but she's tried to interfere with his relationships before, and he doesn't let her push him and his lover apart, so that does comfort me a bit. but I just want peace with the man I love.

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Its called murder. KIDDING! I swear! No, first thing is sit down and have a talk with the bf. Then once everybody is calm you and him have a sit down with the mother and explain the problem and your feelings clearly. Try to find a solution that works for all parties involved. However, at the end of the day duct tape and a chair works too. Kidding again!

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he's tried to talk to her calmly, but she pulls the martyr act and then acts like the talk never happened. she just does what she wants and doesn't care how we feel.

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It's HIS responsibility to make her stop. Not yours. You will be the villianeven more than you are now if you try.

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Sounds like she has a co-dependency disorder. Maybe google it to double check if it matches up.

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I work at mental health, so I know about co dependency, and this isn't it. it's selfishness and sanctimony. everything is all about her, all the time!

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Just remember, if you marry him,, you're stuck with HER too, the rest of your life.

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I may loathe her, but I love and adore her son. I just hate the way she treats him. I don't understand why he treats her good even though she's so bad to him. he says he just wants to be a good son. he's too loyal for his own damn good sometimes.

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give her some muffins

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sit with your bf,look deep in his eyes and tell him this.He has to grow up.

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then he would have to call me .
&lt;=====

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trust me, him being grown up isn't the issue. it's much deeper than that.

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