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kimlost kimlost 18-21, F 3 Answers Jun 15, 2013 in Family Struggles

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Whenever I hear someone say they want to tell someone something "nicely," what they really mean is that they want to tell someone something that this person will not want to hear and they want some magical way they can phrase it so that the person will not get angry and will do what they want (or, in this case, refrain from doing what they usually do). This never works. The truth is, no matter how nice you are, if your grandma likes to talk about this stuff, and she is in the habit of doing so, she will go on doing it no matter what you say. You could bring up other subjects just to let her know there are other things you two could discuss, but if she likes to talk/complain/gossip about all that bad stuff in your family, then she will.<br />
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It might be better to recognize that, at her age, she is unlikely to change or even want to change. You might consider shortening your visits with her to the amount of time you can stand to hear this depressing stuff. Or visit less frequently. Just consider it the price you pay for having a relationship with her and, if she is an otherwise good grandma, I'd advise you to just put up with it. But limit the time! Also, while you listen, try to think of it as a sort of family situation comedy, kind of like My Name is Earl. Don't laugh, but keep a smile inside your head as you listen.

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with a swift punch to the throat.

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how horrible.

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I do try my best.

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maybe she just needs someone to talk to. does it really hurt you to spare the time to listen?

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I've been listening to her for three days and she gets annoyed with me when I have nothing to say, and she guilt trips me...

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You're right, though...

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lol... i just spent the last hour listening to my mom talk about my gay uncle and my brother.... it's not always fun, but i know that one day she won't be around, and i'd give anything to have her complain at me again. ;)) just grit your teeth and smile. ;))

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Make a list of things to say that will make her feel you are listening and that you care. Memorize them or carry them on an index card in your pocket and glance at the card now and then. Then she will have the proper response.

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