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How can we both be so heartless and selfish?

after a year of hearing, i hate you, get out, and living on an emotional rollercoaster, i decided to call her bluff. now she wants me back. i dont think i love her anymore, but she swears she still loves me. we have a 5 month old son. i'm willing to pay out for all they'll both ever need, because i can't take the pain of seeing him grow up with parents who hate each other. what am i supposed to do....
Posted 11 months ago
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Therapy, and hard work on your relationship. For both of you.
Posted 11 months ago

Other 8 Answers to How can we both be so heartless and selfish?


Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM
Calling her bluff was apparently a shock....but she did ask for it. Just remember that at one time you did love her and you have a child to be concerned about now. So is it worth it to give it one more try? Perhaps it is but only you can decide that......
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Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM
Your son is 5 months old and needs 2 parents but if that is impossible I would advise you to move out. Fighting only causes tension in a child and he is not to blame for you and her not getting along. Where there is no love nothing works so if you feel its gone, take a break and try to work it out apart if you can. If you do this keep seeing your child and loving him because it will be very important to him later if you decide not to go back with eachother. The both of you made him and its your responsibility to let him know that you may not love eachother but the both of you DO love him.
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Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM
You and your partner have had this brand new human being in your lives for just five months. Emotions are probably still running high from the big changes that are going on in your lives. Factor in some money worries and post-partum depression, and you're facing some serious emotional and communication challenges that a lot of new parents go through. It's worth it to try some counseling before splitting up. Your son is not likely to remember this part of his life, and taking the chance that you'll be able to work it out has a pretty good risk:reward ratio.
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Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM
Just be the best father you can be to your son, try to maintain cordial relations with his mom, and move on with your life. By the sound of it, you're both better off looking for other people to love.
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Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM
firstly, i think you have to ask yourself what it is you really want... Personally, i don't think i could stay with someone who ever told me they ahted me or wanted me to get out. Best of luck. :)
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Posted Dec 1st, 2008 at 7:05PM
I am proud you walked out.
Some time when you walked out will help and see if you really wanted each other.

I walked a way for 3 months it helped us lot.

We don't have kids.

And in pereson all most year.
but with each talking for 4 years.

But it did us good.
We relised we love each other.
We treat each other better.

Go luck to you.

Some time it don't work out .
I feel even you try.
Some time it don't work.

if you need to talk you can get hold of me.

Lashanda
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Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM
If you are both on the same wavelength with this- go for it- be together, but it will take supernatural prayer and discipline to never EVER fall into negativity and catch yourself every single moment you do and put a stop to it. Have a zero tolerance for it- and cultivate an atmosphere of kindness and love in your home and in every interaction.

You can do it if you really want to- the cost is steep at first because it takes a TON of effort to change, but once you get over the threshold you will look back and say you were glad you did.

I do not know what problems you faced in the past with each other, but whatever they were, they will come back like demons to haunt you- take this into account and be prepared- and every time it happens, feel the shame of blowing up or whatever way you react to it, let it go again and again and again- never stop forgiving yourself and your partner- eventually this cycle will stop and you will mature.

If this is really what you want, take a leap. I and other people like me who believe in people like you will be rooting for you.

You can do it!


Duana
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Posted Feb 5th, 2009 at 5:58PM
If you feel like it will never ever work again then don't bother putting yourself on that rollercoaster again cuz you are jux going to be in for another ride but if you feel lik there is a chance then you should do what "rusted" said...you can still be a good parent your son will love you no matter what...
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