i think growing up without a father had a big part to do with my lack of social skills, which leads to my insecurity of not knowing how to fit in with other male figures, which leads to a feeling of inadequacy, which goes on to low self esteem. Only child, single mother. I saw my dad maybe twice a year or so. But I feel as though i don't know how to be a man. I don't know how to do man things. sure is hard being in texas with all the macho guys who hunt, fish, talk sports and drive big trucks. i feel really insecure around men. I'm not at all gay. i just feel like i cannot relate to what most men enjoy. bleh. i'm working on it. I think my view of my father has almost become my view of God. Very uninvolved. so ...that's my answer and i'm sticking to it. =) first post.
Although my father died when i was young this sums me as quite neatly as well. Am 27 and really starting to see the effect of lack of male guidance in formative years. All the above you wrote really rang true.
Im suprised it is how i actually feel. I dont have any social skills im comfortable of being alone and listen to my ipod watch tv and im very eager to do something in my "boring" life. I never had a girlfriend but im not ugly there some girls that like me but im afraid to like them, but when i court someone i like it turns to a disaster. My father left me when i was born i did see him when i was 13 but i felt i've seen a strager i felt i didn't need him anymore.
I have a Daddy Complex...which can be fun at times ;)
What's a daddy complex Actually
I'm NOT sure how it affected MY personality; however when it came to ME dating, I sorta-kinda looked for a "father figure" in the guys that I dated! TAKE CARE!!!
i was raised with my father and he was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive, so i have low self esteem.<br />
i assume if you have at least one good parent things should be fine.
he died when i was 11. and the wonderful person that he was gave me so much inspiration. he was a popular singer and almost every time i sing, i thank him for my voice....and my patience, perserverance, and 'sunni' outlook on life.
Not at all. There was no effect on my personality having grown up without a father. Or maybe I am not aware of it, but nothing that I can see.
Growing up without a father was and still is hard . My father died when my mom was 8 months prego with me . I believe that it is effecting me today i am 18 years old I seem to push people away when I know thay they care about me . I can't stay in a relationship long without something turning me off about that person , I think ita a more deeper issue & I believe iys because I didn't have a father in my life to be there for me and to teach about things . Its hard on me because I never got to see my dad its hurts so deeply .
Distrust of other guys, sensitive to criticism, fear of strong willed (alpha) men, unable to show affection to other man (they might think i'm gay), being accused of being gay: I walk like my mother, no father around at all in my life. Being around so many women has feminized me somewhat and has made me more sensitive than most guys. Hard time at making friends, being poor in sports (catching, running, you name it), drug abuse at a young age. One that plagues me to this day: cannot find a balance between healthy self esteem and arrogance. In other words, i'm either seen as someone with low self esteem or someone with too much self esteem. Kids need their fathers. Especially boys.
G'MEN > WHAT IS ULTIMATELY GOING TO HELP THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER ??? & WHEN IS LAW GIVING A GOOD EAR TO 'THIS' FATHER - RATHER THAN GIVE HIM A KICK( FROM THIS *** !!!) FATHERS & DADS ALSO NEED JUSTICE DONE & ARE HUMANS TOO > NOT MANIMALS OR ANIMALES !!! AND WHAT ABOUT THE WOMAN (OR WOE-MAN ??? ) GIVING LOVE TO HER KIDS SHE THINKS SHE HAS GIVEN BIRTH - A L O N E !!! <br />
THE KIDS AT THE TIME OF THE DIVORCES IN THE FAMILY COURTS ARE RATHER STYMIED ; SORRY & AT A GREAT LOSS TO UNDERSTAND AS TO WHAT HAS GONE ULTIMATELY WRONG BETWEEN PAA & MAA !!! HOW THEY WISHED THEY COULD GET BOTH TOGETHER > IF NOT THE LAW OR THE ******* LAWYERS !!! <br />
AND ... IN THE EVENT A DIVORCE IS ON THE CARDS ... HOW ABT A QUICK THOUGHT GIVEN "TO A GOOD RECONCILIATION" BETWEEN MAN & WIFE > BCZ . OTHERWISE THE VILLIAN " STEP MOTHER OR THE STEP FATHER " WILL ENTER THE SCENE > TO THE UTTER DISGUST & CHAGRIN OF THE KIDS > SO THE KIDS MUST BEAR THE BRUNT OF THE STEP PARENTS - <br />
ON BOTH THE SIDES !!! AS SUCH , A PROPER RECONCILIATION IS A GOOD & A SURE CURE FOR THE FAMILY TO BE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN !!! BOTH THE PARENTS HAVE GOT TO THINK - FAST - ABT A GOOD RECONCILIATION - NOW OR NEVER !!! <br />
SO, I BELIEVE , GOOD FAMILY PSYCHOLOGISTS MUST GET & BE DEPLOYED TO ACT AS FAMILY COUNSELLORS TO BRING ABT A GOOD RECONCILIATION BETWEEN THE PARENTS & RENDER THE POOR KIDS RATHER RELIEVED HAPPY & A JOLLY GOOD LOT !!! SO, DECADES HAVE COME & GONE > BUT THE (HI) STORIES CONTINUE TO REPEAT > <br />
I AS A FATHER HAVE BEEN A BROKEN HEARTED MAN > KICKED OUT BY THE WOMAN SIMPLY BCZ. I WOULD NOT DO A SILLY JOB ANYWHERE !!! WELL, I HAVE MY OWN REASONS FOR THIS < > BESIDES OFOURSE THE JOB INSECURITY ; TOXIC BOSSES ; POOR PAYPACKETS & THE SILLY DOWNSIZING GOING ON ( WHY NOT TURN F/T JOBS TO P/T JOBS UNTIL CO. SITUATIONS IMPROVE& SO WHY ARE EMPLOYERS DOWNSIZING ??? THIS GOES TO PROVE THEIR OWN INCOMPETENCE, FAILURES , WEAKNESSES & BAD RECRUITMENT POLICIES !!! ) <br />
ULTIMATELY THEN ONLY 'PROVIDENCE ' CAN ALONE HELP BROKEN FAMILIES ( & BROKEN HEARTS) NOW > AM I RIGHT ??? <br />
SO, ALTHOUGH KIDS GROW UP WITHOUT A FATHER > SUCH FATHERS ARE NOT DEAD FOR THEIR OWN BIOLOGICAL KIDS > THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE FOR THEIR KIDS > THE ONLY PAIN THEY HAVE IS >>> KIDS FORSAKING THEIR FATHERS > ON ACCOUNT OF THE MOTHERS ATTITUDES & BEHAVIOURS !!! WHEN ARE THE JUDGES GOING TO UNDERSTAND THE ANGST , ANGUISH & THE ANNOYANCES OF MAN THE WEAKER SEX ??? IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO & BOTH THE HANDS ARE NEEDED FOR A GOOD CLAP !!!
Growing up without my father has been THE toughest thing in my life. I mean I consider myself a pretty strong person. I ve handled break ups, bad jobs, bad friends, bad situations, been responsible and more "manly" (high character) than so many guys I see wander around doing drugs and being arrogant just because their daddy is a rich man. But I haven't been able to handle the absence of father. <br />
Its probably because it is out my control... We can only truly control us not others. So until I find at least a mentor who can take even a TINY bit of interest in my problems growing up without a father I am just gonna have to "suck it up" and carry on. I even tried opening myself up to other men of my family but they are all busy with their own lives, their own families. It is after all how nature has designed it so its not their fault really for not reaching out to help me. <br />
I wish I could just go to a store and buy a dad or something and solve these problems because all the depression, anger, sorrow and hurt might turn me into a monster, I am afraid.
I COULD NOT HELP BUT LEAVE- LEAVE U - BETE ... & LAW AS A BIG *** > HAD IT'S SAY ... SO, WHEN R LAWS DOING JUSTICE TO THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER - WHEN ??? ANYWAY BETE : I AM NOW MISSING - BUT NOT DEAD - & GONE & WILL LIVE 4 U LIKE YOUR OWN SHADOW > DONT LET A SILLY SEPARATION AFFECT YOU > BE A BIT WISE YOURSELF ... LET THE WORLD GO TOPSY TURVY ON ITS HEAD - WHO CARES - LISTEN TO YOUR HEART AS I HAVE ALSO BEEN DOING THIS ALL THESE YEARS - DONT LOSE YOUR BRAINS OR YOUR GUTS SIMPLY BCZ LAW AS AN *** HAD ITS OWN WAY > GIVE LAW A TIGHT KICK OF YOUR BOOT OUT THE BACKDOOR - WHEN IT COULD HAVE VERY WELL PAUSED TO GIVE A SOUND VERDICT IN FAVOUR OF YOUR WELFARE ALONGWITH YOUR MAA'S -GIVEN THE MIGRATION TO AUSTRALIA - WAS FOR THE GOOD OF ALL OF US !!! !!!
YES BETE ... AGAIN ... DONT LET MY ABSENCE HURT YOU ... AT ALL > SPEAK UP TO YOUR PAA AS YOU WILL TO YOUR MAA ... I AM & WAS ALWAYS THERE 4 U : LIKE YOUR OWN SHADOW : SO INSEPARABLE !!! SPEAK YOUR HEART OUT TO ME : YOU NEED NOT , NEED NOT GO TO A STORE TO 'BUY' A DAD > WHEN YOUR OWN DAD IS ALIVE & KICKING ... WHAT IF I WAS DEAD HAAANH ???
I AM QUITE ALIVE , WISENED , MATURER & STRONGER - & I DONT MISS A CHANCE TO JOKE ABT SUCH 'ONLY THE MOTHER' SITUATIONS !!! AND I LEFT YOU TO YOUR MOTHER > ONLY BCZ. ONLY BCZ YOU OTHERWISE > WOULD HAVE MISSED OUT ON "H E R " INSTEAD > SO MY DECISION WAS RIGHT IN YOUR INTERESTS ALONE - NOTHING ELSE MERE LAAL !!! SO, I BELIEVE,THIS REMAINS TO BE EXPRESSED & TOLD TO YOU > I LET THE EMOTIONS RULE RATHER THAN THE SILLY LOGIC OR WHAT U CALL " YUKTI VAAD " IN LEGAL TERMS ... SO NOW I AM A VERY SAD DAD BUT NOT A BAD DAD & YOU ARE WELCOME TO SPEAK YOUR HEART OUT TO ME VIA INSTANT EMAILS IF NOT PHONECALLS !!! !!! I AM THERE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU > WHERE R YOUR EMAILS -WHERE ??? DONT LET MUMMA ALONE RULE YOUR HEART - YES SHE HAS HAD HER CHANCES ALWAYS BUT THEN WHEN IS POOR DAD GETTING A CHANCE FOR HIS ONLY SON ???
& IF ONLY MUMMA REALISED THAT JOBS ARE NOT THERE FOR A LIFETIME (ARE THEY ???) & AS THERE IS NO JOB SECURITY ANYWHERE > SHOW ME WHERE > & GIVEN THESE BLOODY JOB REALITIES > IT IS FAR FAR BETTER TO BE JOBLESS & BE YOUR OWN BOSS & ENJOY THE TIMES OF YOUR LIFE > RATHER FRUITFULLY THAN AT A 9 - 5 JOB !!! THERE ARE SO MANY DADS ... BUSIEST... WORKING FROM HOME RATHER THAN DOING THE TRADITIONAL CLERICAL "NAUKREE" ( LAKEER KE FAKEER & KOLHU KE BAYL !!!) BETE I HAPPEN TO BE DOING QUITE WELL WITHOUT A JOB NOW > & HAVE SEEN OFFICE LIFE QUITE CLOSELY > I KNOW WHAT ANDHAA - DUNDHEE THERE IS @ WORK >>> EVERYWHERE > THERE IS DOWNSIZING ; DISGUISED UNEMPLOYMENT ( JOBS > BUT NO REAL WORK @ WORK !!! ) EVERY BLOODY CLERK ATTENDS WORK 'TO TOE THE LINE' & 'EXPAND THEIR WORK TO FILL UP THE DAYS HOURS' > YEARS TOGETHER > CALLED THE PARKINSONS LAW > THEIR SALARY METERS AREALWAYS "ON" !
BUT GETTING PAID & LIVE A DISHONEST LIFE DOES NOT MATCH MY TEMPERAMENT ( I WILL NEVER GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP ) !!!
( SOMEONE HERE HAS REMARKED : NO JOB -
NO MONEY- NO WORRIES > HOW TRUE !!! ) BUT PLZ DONT GET ME WRONG > BE A GOOD ASSET TO YOUR FIRM & BE AN ASSSSALL VISHWA VALEEE & SHOW THEM YOU MATTER > IN THEIR BEST INTERESTS & DONT LOSE YOUR COOL AT ALL AT THE POLI'TICKING' > THIS WILL NEVER GO > RATHER BE PRODUCTIVE & PAUSE TO THINK > & TO DECIDE TO WORK SMARTER (USE BRAINS) RATHER THAN HARDER ( USE ONLY BRAWN LIKE LABOUR UNIONS !!! ) SO , NOW I HOPE YOU KNOW YOUR DAD RATHER IN GOOD LIGHT & NOT FRET & FUME LIKE YOUR MOTHER > LEAVE THE PAST BEHIND > & LOOK FWD TO A NEW DAY > EVERYDAY > & DONT PLEASE (ONLY) HUMANS BUT DO WHAT WILL PLEASE ALLAH ALMIGHTY > THIS IS THE WAY TO LIVE LIKE A TRUE MOMIN & U LIVE ON EARTH FOR 70 YEARS > & SO SHD. DO WHATEVER THAT WILL SERVE YOU IN THE FINAL DAYS OF AAKHEERAT !!! JOBS ARE IMPORTANT BUT WHAT IF THIS INVOLVES (MY) VICTIMISATION ,ME PERSECUTED , COMMUNALLY HATED, FACE MALICE & JEALOUSIES FROM ANYGODDAMN PERSON > WHO ARE RIGHTLY CALLED "TOXIC" PEOPLE @ WORK HERE !!! HOW CAN I SURVIVE ALL THIS ... YEARS IN & YEARS OUT > THOUGH BEING SO GOOD @ WORK & BEING THE MOST PRODUCTIVE & HAVING PRACTISED "KAIZEN" @ WORK (CONTINOUS IMPROVEMENT !!! )
PLZ DO NOT LET THIS AFFECT YOU ONE BIT :
I HAVE EXPRESSED MY SORE EXPERIENCES WHAT YOU & MUMMA HAVE MISSED OUT ON ALL THESE YEARS !!! OKAY FINE PLZ FORGIVE ME & BE MY FRIENDLY TEDDY : YOU WILL ISNT IT BETE ??? I AM SO CALLED DIVORCED BUT NOT DEAD > HERE & NOW EVERY ******* LAW LOSES OUT BADLY & I EMERGE QUITE VICTORIOUS FROM THIS SILLY BATLE OF HAVES & HAVE NOTS !!! LOVE YOUR DAD >>>NOW !!!
YES ... NOW THAT I HAVE MADE MYSELF CEAR ALBA LET ME TELL YOU WHY WE WANTED YOU WITH YOUR MUMMA TO MIGRATE TO AUSTRALIA > YES THOUGHTS MUST BE GIVEN TO THE BREAD > BUT THIS MIGRATION WAS NOT FOR BREAD ALONE > IT WAS FOR
" T H E - C A K E S "
THAT ALL WHITES PROMISE TO THEIR NATIONS POPULATIONS ; THEY OFFER GOOD HEALTH CARE & NUTRITION TO ALL THEIR SUBJECTS & OFCOURSE ENJOY STRONG CURRENCIES TOO > MASHA ALLAH !!! GOD BLESS THE QUEEN &THE ENTIRE ROYAL FAMILY > AMEN ! (ONLY IF GANDHI HAD LEASED OUT INDIA FOR SAY 99 YEARS TO THE BRITISHERS IN 1947 ,INDIA WOULD HAVE BEEN ANOTHER HONGKONG BY NOW !!! )
SO BETE, I BELIEVE, MUMMA WAS NOT A CHILD NOT TO 'GRASP' WHAT WE WANTED HER TO LISTEN SO EARNESTLY & SO PASSIONATELY > AT THE FAMILY COURT > SHE STUCK TO HER GUNS" & WE ON OUR PART ALSO SUFFERED BIG SETBACKS DUE TO THIS ADAMANT BEHAVIOUR > OUR CASE WAS CALLED " RESTITUTION OF CONJUGAL RIGHTS" & AS SUCH , WE WERE PARDONED FROM THE ALIMONY THAT WAS PAYABLE TO MUMMA !!!
SO NOW WE MUST NOT LET YOU GO YOUR WAYS > WE MUST NOW UNDERSTAND & TAKE IT RATHER EASY & NOT ACT ' IN ANYWAY UNKIND ' TOWARDS THE MOTHER OF MY CHILD >
SO WE HAVE NOW TAKEN TO SAMAJHDAARI & WE ARE QUITE A WORRIED LOT ABT. THE PLIGHT OF THE UNFORTUNATE MOTHER & "OUR" CHILD & ACT IN THE BEST INTERESTS OF BOTH OF YOUR WELFARE & WELL BEING > BCZ IT IS NOW OUR MORAL OBLIGATION TO SUPPORT YOU BOTH > FINANCIALLY FIRST ; EMOTIONALLY NEXT ; & WE ALWAYS LOOK FWD TO SOME GRATITUDE FROM YOU FOR THIS !!! ALTHOUGH , I AM NOT DOING A PAID JOB (AS THIS NEEDS GOOD JOB EXPERIENCE FROM WITHIN AUSTRALIA ) > I AM GETTING HELP FROM THE GOVT HERE THAT INTURN HELPS ME TO HELP YOU > IF NOT A FLOWER > A PETAL !!! AND BETE , WHEN YOU FOUND OUT > OTHERS WERE BUSY WITH THEIR OWN LIVES > YOU COULD WELL HAVE GIVEN THEM A DAMN & TURNED TO YOUR M B A FATHER > WHO WOULD HAVE GIVEN ANSWERS TO ALL - ALL YOUR DILEMMAS , WORRIES & WHATEVER PROBLEMS YOU FACED THERE @ HOME > FOR INSTANCE > I WOULD HAVE MENTORED YOU & SO ADVISED YOU TO BE A SELF MADE MAN & RATHER HELP YOURSELF OUT !!! I RECALL HAVING TOLD YOU TO BE YOUR OWN GURU ;
I HAVE SENT YOU SO MANY INSPIRATION CARDS & BOOKS TO LEARN FROM THEM ISNT IT ??? AND FOR LOVE > I WAS THERE TO SEND YOU MY KISSES & HUGS & WORDS OF COMFORT & SOLACE TO YOU ALWAYS !!!
AND EVERYBODY HERE SAYS : THAT ALI COULD WELL HAVE STUDIED IN AUSTRALIA ; BECOME A CITZEN OF AUSTRALIA ; GOT A JOB ; A HOME ; AND A WIFE & WOULD BY NOW HAD HIS OWN KIDS !!!
BUT YOU WERE QUITE ZIDDI THEN : HOWEVER NO WORRIES NOW - YOU HAVE A GOOD U S QLFN & ARE A U S GRAD > THAT NOBODY CAN DENY > IN A WAY THIS WILL ACT IN YOUR FAVOUR NOW > ALHAMDO LILLAH !!! BUT YOU HAVE THE LOAN TO REPAY !!! SO WE ARE TRYING OUR BEST TO GET YOU HERE A S A P BETE !!!
DONT FEEL LET DOWN ;DONT FEEL YOU ARE ALONE ; DONT SEEK OTHERS HELP : RATHER HELP YOURSELF & BE A WELL BRED ADULT & NOT A MONSTER > YOU WILL FACE DISCRIMINATION , COMMUNAL HATRED ETC ETC > BUT THIS IS THE SILLY WORLD AROUND YOU > CAN YIOU CHANGE IT OR CAN YOUR TEACHERS CHANGE IT FOR THAT MATTER ??? NO NO NO !!! NOBODY CAN DO THIS > SO , IT IS BETTER WE IGNORE THE WORLD AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE & TURN TO OUR LIFE TRAJECTORY & IT IS BEST WE MIND OUR OWN BUSINESS & LET THE WORLD BE AS IT MAY !!! WE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AS SUCH : & AS LONG AS WE ARE HONEST WE HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR BETE ALBA !!! GOT IT !!!
i grew up without my father though he says i've visited him a couple of times at different points in my life but i was never actually raised by him,i was pratly raised by my step father but never had that father-son experience and was never taught how to ba a man,which inturn had me growing up with insecurities which is not having any kind of social skills,not knowing the difference between right or wrong,and when ever i get mad or depressed i supress it in,everything i know now i had to found out for myself, to this day i still have those insecurities but i've learned how to work around them though it doesn't work all the time
"I believe that I developed insecurities that at times manifested as over agressiveness, and sometimes over sensitivity to disapproval."<br />
Yep, Im also a victim of that. My insecurities grew so rampant without guidance or control that I pushed the woman I loved further away. Ironically, I told myself to be better than my father who left me and my mom for someone else.. but the thought of disapproval from my partner screwed it all up =(
I believe I would not have been dressed in dresses when I was very young. I would not have learned how to make a woman happy as a woman. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with us lesbians. We are soft, sweet and calm. We don't hurt our partner. I may not have the same things as a woman.But I am a woman. I will be a woman until I die. I will make my partner as happy as I possibly can, Anyway I can. Why because I like to. I am not a slave. I am a woman. I was lucky. All 14 woman (one at a time) in my family showed me about the love of a woman for another woman.And more.
I think not having a real "dad" in my life is the reason for my aggressionand depression... but.. everything in this world has a reason... so..someday i will find out y i lived the childhood that i did
idk never n still dont think about him.
My name is michael and I am 16 years old. My father stole all my moms money, stole her car, and left her 2 weeks before I was born. I have never seen him and never wish too. I hope he is dead. Because of his absence, I suffer from severe depression, anxiety, and an have no self confidence. My mom and I struggle to get by every month. Her health is getting worse and worse and once she is gone I will have nowhere to go. I can no longer deal with my life anymore. I plan on killing myself after I finish writing this. I want this to be a reminder to all fathers out there. This is the effect you have on your children. I am living proof. Well was living proof. Thank you for listening. Have a wonderful life.
Hey! I hope you didn't go through with it!
You're only 16 and have so much ahead of you.
You have to know that not having a dad is not the end of the world. You don't need his **** influence on your life any way. You're better without it.
Your mum need you now as well so stay strong. If you're still at school talk to someone
I hope you're ok