I grew up in an atheist family, and am one now.<br />
When I was 8, our dog Carmen died instantly when hit by a car.<br />
I was taken by Dad to see her body. <br />
I felt incredible grief and sadness. She was my friend.<br />
I watched as the bright eyes went dull and flies clustered there.<br />
I asked "Can she feel anything?"<br />
He said "No. There is no ability to feel anything at all in death. You could think of it as peace if you like."<br />
It planted deep into my core values.<br />
Many years later, in the midst of depression,<br />
it became the seed of desire for suicide.<br />
I nearly did succeed on one occasion, <br />
and have only recently discovered how to climb out of depression <br />
and really enjoy life as it is.<br />
<br />
I have discovered that thinking of self harm actually causes harm to one's immune system and the balance of neurotransmitters, harms emotional balance and well-being and deepens depression,<br />
literally self created PTSD.<br />
So suicide is not the right way to overcome emotional pain.<br />
The importance of death is that it makes life more precious and valuable while we have it,<br />
and boosts the motivation to nurture the well-being of life.<br />
If the facts of death are presented in the right way, I believe it does not have to have the same effect that it did on me. I know my father meant well. He could never have foreseen how it would effect me.

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There is no way that anyone will ever understand death. The best way to get over a fear of death is to understand that there is no controlling it, therefore no reason to worry. Why worry about something you cannot control? If you are an atheist then you should be even less afraid of what you have chosen to believe in.

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My daughter had similar reactions to death around the same age, and back then I was religious. I think most kids go through a period where they worry about death. It passes on its own, but a little reassurance of your love, listening to them answering some questions, and some happy distractions when/if it gets too much could help.

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Smart kid, try telling her the truth, that when you die your existence has ended.

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Well I think you can only understand death when you lose someone or something (like a pet you really love) to death.<br />
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I don't think it's worth explaining, it just has to be experienced in its own time in its own way.<br />
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For me, I had not talked with my father for many years because of some old grudge, but then I learned he recently had bypass surgery and maybe wasn't long for this world.<br />
<br />
I decided now was a time to write off that old grudge and see what I could salvage out of the relationship. I was never going to get "the big apology" I always thought I deserved.<br />
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As far as this relates to your daughter's anxiety, I think her being 10 yo, don't try to hard to explain it. Just try to get her mind onto something more pleasant in the present moment.

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Convert to agnosticism, you can't prove there is no afterlife.

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I tried, I couldn't lie to myself any longer about my true beliefs.

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Then you've adopted a religion that is as silly as the others but without the benefit of beliefs that comfort innocent ten year olds. Way to go, you're on your own.

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she is 10 she knows what death is... no need.

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Just because she knows what it is doesn't mean she understands it

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Nobody understands it.

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so yeah my grandmother tried to tell me about death and it was all a bunch of odd crazy talk. My parents didnt tell me about death and I was able to figure out about death and that my grandmother was nuts all by myself

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The concern is that it panicks her now that she has accepted the fact that there is no afterlife. Before she came to me with her firm standing on the subject, she kindof pretended. Sort of like older kids pretend to believe in Santa Clause because it makes Christmas better. Now that she has made her decison I can tell the idea of no afterlife is scaring her. She still stands firm behind her belief which shows me even more that she is ready to make the decision.

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I never had these problems sounds like somewhere down the line she got all screwed up with fantasy talk and she just needs time to work her way out of it and back to realism.

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Ask her what SHE thinks and feels about it, let her know what your thoughts and feelings are. Then give her time to figure it out and allow her opinion to be different if she chooses for it to be so. She will probably have several opinions before reaching adulthood.

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wait till she older, she is young , she can always change mind

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I would simply explore why she feels that way. Not criticize it. Maybe there is some reason that can then be understood and dealt with in a loving way.

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Just tell her that according to your belief she goes into the ground to be seen or heard no more, that's it folks, end of me!!! The worms crawl in the worms crawl out, and eventually there is nothing left, zip, zap, nothing.......COMPLETE END OF JESSICA'S DAUGHTER.

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Say that when you die, your energy gets passed on to other things, through the circle of life, so you don't really die. Just imagine, your energy will help a baby be born, youre pretty much being born again.

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A baby is created with all the energy it needs to be born.

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