Post
Is this even possible? Of all the books I read, questions I asked on here, the common answer is to cut off all contact to detach from the emotional connection I have with my ex. I know its something I have to do so I can start moving on and taking care of myself. But a big part of me still cares so much about knowing where he is and what he's doing and if he misses me and I want him to continue to contact me if he wanted/needed to. I guess Im still hoping that by keeping my doors open, he'd realise that he wants to get back together with me after I've given him the time and space that he needed to work out his issues. I feel like if I cut off all contact with him, he'll forget about me and another girl will reap off all of what I have worked for to help him become what he is now. he's been my only serious relationship and a very long one, spent most of my 20s with him and now im on my 30s and have no idea how to start a new relationship (with him or anyone else). please help me.
batforlashes batforlashes 26-30, F 16 Answers Dec 17, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

He was not a project , and treating him as one most like ended the relationship ,and will result the same on the next . If there should be a project , it should start with you .

Best Answer

No you cant. It wont work. Try and move on and if things are to work out they will work out. Give it time, let your heart hurt, take love if it finds you but dont waste time on trying to make someone love you. Life it too short and you never know what tomorrow will bring.<br />
Good luck.....<br />
If there are some "issues" regarding anything he did to you emotionally or physically then get out and stay out. You dont want to be "one of those girls" on the news.

Best Answer

No you can't be friends with him..that's the bottom line

Best Answer

Excuses. Its over . You cant be friends with someone that you have broken up with because you are looking for more and he isnt. Face it and move on to better.

Best Answer

I faced a similar emotional challenge that went on for nearly a decade. Through the years I tried my best to maintain some kind of friendship or I don't know... any kind of healthy relationship possible with my ex. We were on again off again in our relationship for a few years and that didn't work out for the long haul... I guess I let time take it's course and the romantic relationship died. He was always important to me after the final breakup though, he still is (even though now he has since passed away.) There were times that we felt comfortable with each other and could just be there for one another though we had separate lives. There were other times though where I had to pull myself back for a while and make sure that I kept in mind to look out for my own self and my feelings and not put myself too far out on the line. I couldn't control my love for this guy but I could work on controlling what I was going to DO about it. I hope that makes some sense and maybe even helps possibly. Good luck in finding the answers you need.

Best Answer

Cut him off now....Later, work on being friends. The emotional attachment is still there. It's hard to be friends, soon after an emotional break-up.

Best Answer

No, it is not possible to move on whith your life and try to hold on to his. For whaterer reason, good or bad, you are no longer a part of his life. Let him go so your hurts can heal. Until that happens, You are stuck in the past. Let him find a woman who "reaps the benefits". You will, with what you have learned, find a man who already has those qualities. Don't sell yourself short. You can have a bright future ahead of you IF you let go of the past. You no longer have a relationship with your ex; don't pretend you do. You have so much to offer to someone else. Don't waste it on him.

Best Answer

I don't really think it can be done effectively.<br />
<br />
If I were in your position I would just reconcile to myself the fact that Life has turned out the way it has; that he is just another human being with whom you spent part of your life; but that as it turns out the time to part as shown by his actions has come, and now its time for you to begin a new chapter of your own life. I wouldn't worry too much about how to make a new relationship (if in truth you do want one) - it will come along in due course if that's your life-pattern.<br />
<br />
I hope that doesn't sound un-compassionate - I do tend to take the "long view" and to be rather unemotional about things... Good fortune to you, anyway!

Best Answer

An ex should be an ex. If you can't avoid seeing him, then by all means be polite to him. But if you can avoid seeing him, you should do. It's just easier for both of you in the long term, and you will need to move on eventually.

Best Answer

If he abused you, disrespected you as a human being, then he is not worthy of your time. You may forgive him but you as a human being deserve better. <br />
<br />
<br />
If it was money, kids, minor or semi major issues you can overcome, then yes if you feel you need that connection then yes, keep your channels open. Learn to forgive and move forward with a friendship. <br />
<br />
<br />
The only time I would personally remove anyone from my life completely-<br />
<br />
-Pain to my life, soul, my family or friends & my mind<br />
-If it an Unhealthy relationship (again pain)<br />
-Disrespectful, threatens or harms me or anyone <br />
-Just plain Negative. <br />
<br />
<br />
Hope this may help. Enjoy your journey.

Best Answer

Sweetheart if you stay friends with this guy you will be even more clueless later when he doesn't come running back.... Men admire independent strong women if you love him and want to draw him back, I would cut off ties but still talk if he calls. Most important take care of yourself have fun live life.... Make friendships you never had, you will realize something quickly. That your boy loves you and appreciates you and your new found confidence, or that you don't need him for comfort and many men think you are beautiful. He may not even know how to treat a deserving women. Holding onto the "hard work" you put into him is a way to trick yourself to stay where is comfortable.... I tried to stay "friends" for 3 years, I can tell you that it would be rare to have a humble and caring enough guy to not take advantage of your love. The one I waited for was extremely manipulative..... If your not sure what to do just try being friends first but don't let him degrade you! Its most important to do what feels right..... But this is what I would do.... Good luck! :-)

Best Answer

I like cassandras answer.a fool will lose tomorrow, holding on to yesterday. move on in a way that lets him know he made a huge mistake letting go of a jewel like you. you will find a better, more enduring love.

Best Answer

I'm kind of in the same situation as you. I am friends with my first boyfriend and it works but in the beginning of the friendship after we broke up I wanted to know where he was and I looked for any clue that he missed me when we were together and stuff like that. I also thought that if I gave him enough space he might come back but now I realize that, even though it's like a dagger in my heart when he talks about other girls that he likes, he was not meant for me. everyone has someone who is meant for them and the ones who break our hearts are there to teach us. I wish you the best.

Best Answer

Im sorry too that you are going thru this, that pain is a hard one to have, with it being a long time that you were together, its hard to think of your life without him within it, do you think that keeping him there even on the phone could be like a safety blanket as you have not known life without him being there for a long while?<br />
cutting completely when you love/loved deaply is a hard thing to do, but for you to go forward i think maybe its better to do that rather than wait in the hope that one day he may want to come back... dont place your life on hold, waiting for a phone to ring or the door to go ... <br />
I hope that things work out for you I know this time is a hard time, take care and as acidite has said, everything will work out the way it is meant to be..<br />
<br />
best wishes

Best Answer

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, it sounds heart wrenching. It seems like you care so much about this guy and would do anything to see him well and happy, but I think that maybe you should put some of that effort into making yourself happy. It's up to him to decide where to go from here, you shouldn't have to draw a map out for him and hope he comes back to you. It's hard to have a part of both worlds with what you decribed above, but you do what you have to do. Make it known that you have been a part of his life for a long time and that you will always be there if he ever needs you. Concentrate now on just being happy, everthing will work out the way it is meant to be. Best wishes to you...

Best Answer

Related Questions