Resolved Question

How do I deal with all the chaos of emotions I am having because my husband is at war?

First, acknowledge that this IS your life right now. You don't have to like it that your husband is at war, but you have to handle it.

Don't indulge yourself with too much wishing for what you wanted to be happening at this point in your life.

Take stock of what is going right. Do you have a husband that loves you? children? food? shelter? friends? Practice gratitude. (there are a lot of books, websites about this topic.)

Build an abundant, full life for your husband and you to share when he comes home. Parent your children well. Create an extended family around yourself -- friends, church friends, work friends. (be aware that your husband won't be able to jump in feet first when he arrives home -- don't be hurt by this. Give him space and opportunity to acclimate himself to civilian life. Start helping him now by writing letters that describe the opportunities for good that you're building into your life and what his role can be to share in those opportunities.)

When your mind is swimming, sit at the table with a tablet of paper. Right down every word that comes into your mind. They don't have to make sense together, just write them down. You may find that a small worry that you can address and fix has triggered a painful or chaotic memory. That memory can sometimes be so big and overwhelming that the present is lost. Figure out what is happening in the present that makes you feel like you did in the past. Use what you learned from the past to help yourself handle the present more successfully. Talking out loud to a counselor can sometimes make the difference as well. Somehow hearing yourself say what's on your mind helps you get to the next step.

Don't forget that you deserve a good life. Despite the world's situation, you deserve a good life. Make the very best of what you have available.

Sometimes, when I'm at my wit's end, I remind myself that my actions teach my children (and those around me) how to behave. I have a mantra in my head - "what would I want my daughter to do when she is faced with this situation in her own life" - and then I proceed with the demonstration. Somehow I can find the strength to teach her even when I can't find the will to carry on for myself.

Pray daily. Pray for peace, pray for strength, pray for acceptance, pray that your enemies are blinded to your weakness and your faults, pray that what is good and talented and right about you is visible to those around you, and pray that your life be an example of what is right with the world.

God bless you at this trying time.