How do I deal with my husband's borderline racist family members?

I'm married to a wonderful man who has a father and uncles, cousins that are pretty stupid and insensitive when it comes to immigration matters. Today I received an email from my husband's uncle and the same email from my father in-law about some news article describing how an 11 year old girl shot some illegal aliens that were trying to get in her house while she was home alone blah, blah, which doesn't really offend me...they were up to no good, I don't care who you are you pay the price. But at the end of this email somebody inserted this line which offended me a great deal:

Thought for the day:

"Calling an illegal alien an 'undocumented immigrant' is like calling a drug dealer an 'unlicensed pharmacist'"

So right now I'm in the process of writting an email to both men and forward it to everyone, I want to keep it civil but make my point at the same time, I love everybody but I'm hispanic so this stuff offends me.

Posted 8 months ago

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woodinhouse

Best Answer

stop trying to control others, let them know you don't like the conversation, walk away when they start discussions you find wrong , but your not going to change anybody, just make people aware of your feeling and lead by example

Posted 8 months ago

Other 13 Answers to How do I deal with my husband's borderline racist family members?

arcaneamorous	Posted Mar 23rd, 2009 at 9:09AM That was very disrespectful! Its good that you're speaking up for yourself ..its like dealing with bullies..they pick on people most likely to not speak up..and I hope your husband also puts them in their place. Rated: +3Vote for this!
edgargeorge	Posted Mar 23rd, 2009 at 4:21AM I get ugly, political, hateful emails all the time from my father-in-law. I just delete them. I learned with in-laws a long time ago that it is "grace in all things." I WILL BE THE BETTER PERSON. In other words, you can argue with a fence all day long but, in the end, it will still be a fence, and by its nature it can never agree with you. You stand to win nothing by speaking up. So declare yourself the winner by being the better person, and preserve your sense of grace and courtesy. Rated: +2Vote for this!
BlueMoonWolfxxx	Posted Mar 23rd, 2009 at 9:13AM my ex's family is racist... my favorite was one Christmas the comment was made that one of the nephew's recent break up with a really lovely Hispanic woman was a good thing because "we don't need them foreigners in our family." I politely pointed out that I was a foreigner as well, being Canadian in the US. I was told that was different. Me and my big mouth ran with it. my honest question was "Oh? And why is that because I am whiter than you?" The nephew just about choked laughing but after that the comments slowed down a lot. Some times standing your ground politely is much more effective than raising hell. Rated: +2Vote for this!
waitingtoshine	Posted Mar 23rd, 2009 at 9:14AM I don't have an answer for you but I do understand. My boyfriend is hispanic and I am black. His family makes jokes that I find offensive . They say I act white and they're glad I'm not "that kind of black". We'll be outside on a sunny day and they'll say "you don't want to be darker do you?" So for now I just distance myself from them. They think I am just sensitive. I hope we both get an anwer to your question. Rated: +2Vote for this!
aileengein	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 2:46AM Well, speaking from someone who has had family in the klan and was raised up saying akia and non silba sed anthar, I can tell you that a racist has to change their own behavior, you cannot change it for them....The best thing for you to do is kindly let them know how you feel, and don't have alot to do with them. Make sure they only see a good side of you ,because if they ever get a glimpse of a bad side, they think they have their justification. Rated: +2Vote for this!
cdmcdm	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 3:11AM u go girl tell them what u think it's impotant to let them know how u feel Rated: +1Vote for this!
EBflea	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 2:50AM Gee, that sounds like it sucks. I understand your need to speak up about it, and I hope you can figure out something. Good luck Rated: +1Vote for this!
TouchMeNot	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 11:20AM Well some people have to see beyond who and what thye are. It takes time. I am married to a former KKK member that would once make racist remarks about anyone different than what he was. In my family we are a true melting pot of different cultures and religions. At one time my parents we racist against black people. At one family gathering my parents got up and apologized to all of us children and said their opinion of blacks were wrong and if any of us ever wanted to marry a black person they would be welcomed and accepted in to the family. It's nice to see your parents grow out of racism. My husband, the former KKK member, has come along way away from those teachings and has opened himself to accepting everyone as children of God and brothers and sisters. Rated: +1Vote for this!
COOLPENGUIN	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 8:54AM You keep your mouth shut unless you want to stir trouble! You can't change people to your liking and if you try, they will gang up on you and your husband and take their hatred out on you both! Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Rated: +1Vote for this!
tat2doc	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 6:47AM Sometimes you can't change ignorance or stupidity. Best you can do is tell them that you don't appreciate their comments or remarks and walk away if possible. If it continues when you're around, your husband should put a stop to it, or the others involved should be more considerate out of respect for you. If nothing happens and things stay the same, block the emails, tell your hubby that you don't care for their attitudes and throw the ball in his court. If he loves you he'll say something to them. Rated: +1Vote for this!
nightcolours	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 1:52AM I'm glad you're speaking up. I'm caucasian, but I have plenty of hispanic and african american friends, and I have a tough time dealing with people that are racist. I speak almost fluent spanish, and it's funny how people that speak spanish make fun of white people sometimes xD Too bad most white people are too ignorant to leanr another language other than english... I trry to defend my friends, but people still are disrespectful. I don't get why... But I really respect your for standing up to these people respectfully. I would like to see a copy of that e-mail someday and maybe forward it to every racist person I know as well :) Rated: +1Vote for this!
singer1960	Posted Mar 22nd, 2009 at 4:27PM I am sorry....I do not see the racist remake.......The remark seemed to be more along the lines of boarder security.....Not a particular type of race......Seems to me that you are the racist.....You assume that they were talking about Mexicans...What the e-mail was talking about was criminals....They were braking the law.....Or did you miss that part..... Rated: +1Vote for this!
4vrUnique	Posted Mar 23rd, 2009 at 4:25AM Give them a taste of their own medicine. Don't bother writing letters, that's a waste of your time & effort. Close minded people stay ignorant until they learn better. Very important, they have to want to learn & know better. You'll never be able to force your opinions onto them, just as you wouldn't change your beliefs to suit them. Rated: +1Vote for this!

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How do I deal with my husband's borderline racist family members?

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