Your sister sounds insecure, bottom line. If she has to tell you how much other people find her attractive, she might not really believe it herself. She does sound self-absorbed if she's talking to you about losing five vanity pounds when you are undergoing chemo and dealing with the side effects. I don't know if she is competing with you somehow, but she clearly has some hangups. <br />
One of the best things I learned was how to deal with people who made you crazy, whether they irritated you, enraged you, or whatever. I was told to have compassion for the other person since you can't change them - if you approach things from the compassion angle, perhaps it will be clearer (and perhaps less infuriating) that your sister is so insecure and has such a poor sense of self, she can't even snap out of it to think about others (which is pretty sad if you ask me). I don't know - maybe that can help diffuse things for you since you may not be able to get her to realize that there's more to life than how cute other people think she is. <br />
Compassion is surprisingly powerful - my friend's son was being bullied at school and he asked me what I thought he should do. I told him to invite the bully over for dinner. (My logic was that there must be a reason why this kid was such a rotten brat of a kid.) Anyway, the bully looked stunned upon receiving an invitation. He ended up declining the offer, but the bullying never happened again. There's often a sad reason why people behave in ways that turn us off. Try the compassion mindset. (I wish your sister would, but we can't make her, right? You could always try talking to her about this, but I don't know how that would fly.) Hope this helps!
I have had to deal with my sister who is so self-absorbed that she doesn't see anyone else. I have had to cut all ties with my sister because I was the "victim" for her. She would upset me so much because for so long I didn't understand why she would be so mean. My husband and I tolerated her and her husband's insults for years, trying to ignore them for family sake, but when she made my daughter's wedding all about her, that was the final straw. I am happier not having to deal with their drama, as it has made our lives so much easier. She can't change, but you can avoid interaction as much as possible so that you are happy. You, come first. Be healthy, be happy and enjoy your life.
I am 65 and my sister is 72. When our parents died, I gave her my part of their house to pay her since she had overseen their care, although they did have a live-in caretaker. Since then I have given her all of my part of the inheritance (over $200,000) to keep her afloat financially. Last night she mentioned that she was hurt that her name hadn't been on their safe deposit box which contained some broken watches and a gold tooth. I took them away and she hasn't seen them since. It's all I have left of them. I talk to her daily, listen to how she hates everything and everyone and wants Jesus to come back and end the world. Tonight she wants to sell her house and move closer to me. Some of these people who wrote have the best of intentions, but it's not like walking in your shoes. Let it go if you can and you love her; otherwise, let her go. Best wishes with your battle and your life.
I too have a sister who thinks the world revolves around her. If things don't go her way she is so mean and hurtful and thinks she is doing nothing wrong. I have since cut ties with her completely. She also has a pill addiction which just makes things worse. I think for my sake she is better off leaving me alone. All I can say is that it isn't easy since she is moving to my state and in my town. Why can't they just be happy and try to get along with people. Everybody in her neighborhood hates her and she wonders why. Its never her fault. I wouldn't be her friend if she weren't my sister and as far as love goes, not to sure about that either. What do you suggest I do?
Ask yourself this question: If I wasn't related to her, would I choose to spend time with her? If the answer is No, then limit how much time you spend with her. In my case, I have nothing to do with my sister. She has different values. My life is much easier now.
Set good boundaries. Decide how much you can listen to her and don't give more time than that. You also might consider honoring yourself and telling her how her self-talk makes you feel.
I think Jesus said it best: Forgive them.... for they know not what they do.<br />
Your sister hasn't walked in your shoes. She has her own way of seeing things. Yes, it sounds like she is annoying and I'm sure she gets on your last nerve. People like her always do. But I say just love her anyway. If she gets tiring, you don't have to keep listening to her prattle. Tell her you just can't listen anymore and try to engage her in a more interesting topic. <br />
My mom just passed away with cancer - she fought it for three years. I saw how tiring it was for her. She finally got to a point where she had to just tell her self-absorbed sister to go home after awhile. It was okay too. Her sister is in her late fifties now and she isn't ever going to change. She can't. Mom knew this but she loved her anyway and set her own boundaries as to how much of her company she could tolerate.<br />
Good luck and God Bless.
First is to try to understand what motivates a narcissistic person. Usually it is fear and lack of real self-love and worth. When you see that part, you can treat her with more compassion.
I think some of these people on here are so mean. Talk about selfish and Narcissistic... I would say that several of those have answered your question. Try to ignore the negative answers.<br />
I would have a talk with my sister and let her know the things that bother you. If it continues after a sisterly conversation, it that is even possible, then I would sit down and think about how you want to be living 5 years from now. Sometimes it is better to ask family to do their own thing unless they can be respectful of you when they are around you. I think you deserve respect don't you?? Take good care of yourself and try not to let her stress you out as it will make your physical issues worse. Keep yourself as strong as possible.<br />
Big Hugs... Mother CC
Ha! She sounds like my sister, who is fifteen! Damn, I was hoping she'd grow out of it. But if your sister is in her forties then it looks like I'm gonna be in same boat as you twenty years from now =[ Typically what I do when she is sitting around bragging about herself, I give her compliments because I know she is trying to make me feel bad about myself. She thinks I am jealous of her, which I am not, so I just compliment her to **** her off.
As yourself this question about your sister, her comments, insensitivies & etc<br />
If today was my last day on earth would it matter? Heck no!<br />
Embrace her and your differences you could learn a lot. Who she is allows you to be you. Honor that & be thankful.<br />
I wish you warrior strength in you battle against yourself & cancer!
My sister drives me nuts too, she is so demanding but I do love her and she has a good heart. I try to be patient and let her talk about her self and then she can feel better. It can be emotional. I think the best thing is to just let her be herself and you be yourself and make good times together, that you will always remember. Life is too short to be getting annoyed with each other though sometimes family can try yr patience.
Just do what i do with my sister. Ignore the comments and come to the understanding that she is the one with the issue. My sister had always been jealous of my sucess and made me feel bad because of it. I know it is hard, life is too short to be eaten away with resentment like that towards your sister. Wishing you the best of luck and health with your cancer battle.
If you don't like your sister, try to spend as little time with her as possible. Life's too short to spend with people you dislike.
to be brutally honest .you are the one who has the attitude problem.your attitude to your sister is very ungodly.accept her for who she is and find a space in your heart to enjoy with her what she enjoys.even if your sister is envious of your sucees and you noticed that ,the wise thing to do is to make her feel like a part owner of the house.welcome her into the home and let her knw she is free to come in and go anytime.your husband comment is very sad and it is traceable to your unwillingness to acept thatyour sister is different fro you.the bible says those who compare themselves with themselves are foolish.stop hold a devilish pity party for yourself and both of you enjoy life.her success must be your sucees and her joys must also be yours.thats what families are for.wish i can cane ou real bad.
After all her raving about herself, ask her this:<br />
"But, are you happy?"<br />
and walk away from the conversation. leave her with that concept to ponder. She needs constant affirmations, so don't give her any, except that one question. You should return to your own affairs, and continue to live fully. She is a big girl now and can fend for herself.<br />
As for all the cheap seat psychology jargon already posted here, forget that crap (with the exception of the first one). Too many people like to think they are clever, just like your sister, and post the most absurd rubbish.<br />
You can't change her, but you can change the way you interact with her.
It sounds like you are both insecure. Try leading by good example...even when she's not looking. Love her anyway and love yourself too. I must say...be encouraging and avoid furthering conversations that make you defensive/insecure/angry. The things about my sister that **** me off are the things I worked so hard in my life to overcome...but I do realize I'm only pissed 'cause I love her. You need to focus on your health and happiness foremost. You both are looking for validation and support, she just isn't going about it a healthy way. Try telling her how much she means to you and what worth you see in her besides her outer beauty, maybe her actions could be out of fear of losing you...Who knows. Commuincate without "attacking" and see where it leads.
I was very angry with my mother for a very long time because of past mistakes and my feelings that she is shallow, self absorbed, and immature. One day I realized through discussion with good friends that although our personalities and ideals differ, those traits in her that I despise so much can be found rght here in myself.<br />
When we find we are having judgmental and critical feelings of others, we can look upon this opportunity to look deeper into ourselves for self reflection. <br />
Ask yourself: Why do I feel so strongly about my sister? Why do her actions affect me in this way? <br />
THe best way to heal yourself from these damaging feelings is through self reflection, forgiveness, and compassion.
I am only 20 and my sister is 25, but she has that too (it runs in the family). After watching my mom struggle with her my entire life, I found the best way to deal with her was to show her that you don't care to lose her out of your life and to ignore her attention seeking ("blood sucking" as I call it). This sounds hard, especially if you are older than us. Please don't take my advice unless you are ready to do it. I saw my mom waste her life on my dad, then my sister. There is no way to satisfy these people unless you "threaten" them (slavery is freedom?).<br />
Here are some examples: <br />
- When she tries to brag about how great she is, I turn the TV up and fully ignore her<br />
- When she puts up a fight on every birthday (mine or Moms), I ignore it and don't acknowledge her birthday either<br />
- When she says "We are not talking" I say "Sweet" or "Good"<br />
The bottom line is that everything these people do is for attention, not giving them that attention will stop them. <br />
Answering her with her own weapons would work too and (probably) leave her speechless. She does it because she knows she can get away with it. <br />
Either way, best you can do is ignore her negativity and don't let it get to you. Don't take her seriously and be ready for her to "ignore you because you didn't walk on egg shells for her".<br />
Personally, I think I've established a stable "power balance" between my sister and I. Narcissistic people are really obsessed with power (and "seductiveness"). If you are willing to "fight" for power with your sister, you really have to show NO weakness and NO nerve. <br />
Even in this post, you are defending yourself by saying how you volunteer. You should not have to defend yourself. If your sister is really narcissistic, you are not the problem, no matter how she spins it. And she will be creative about putting all the blame on you.<br />
I advise you read up on Narcissistic personality disorder. It's ba<x>sed on insecurities and family (parent?) relations. Even if you end up cutting ties with her, you'll know it was not your fault. But, I think it's never too late to establish a power equality in your relationship. I actually spent years helping my mom deal with her and it got better. I am sure my sister wants me in her life but not at cost of her ego, and I would assume yours too.<br />
By the way, this might sound crazy but I think cancer might be caused by stress and such "blood sucking". Don't let her upset you and it'll take a good toll on your health. <br />
Best of luck!