I understand your difficulty in forgiving your late husband, not only did he betray you but he is now gone and you can't work it out with him. I know because a very similar thing happened to me. My husband died suddenly right after I found out about some things he had done that he was hiding from me. It's been 2 and1/2 years since he passed and I am just now coming to terms with my mixed feelings about it. Time helps.
same case of mine it's really difficult in forgiving late husband, and he is undenial and can't work it out.
Might as well do it.. The only one you're hurting is yourself. Just remember enough so as to not be hurt by someone the same way.. Live, thats the best way to get back at the dead..
perspective helps. Think of all good things about him and keep them close. Think of all bad things and put them a million miles away. That should sort it out. Not forgotten just in perspective.
Dead one can never be punished, any bad features of that man are burried with his body in the grave.
So if you forgive him, his soul will remain in peace so be a generous woman to forgive your husband, that in future some one forgives you for your bad deed.
Forgiveness is part of your recovery ortherwise you will be carrying bitterness and anger around with you.
A counsellor will help you to do this.
Well...that's a difficult topic, but here's the honest answer, like him, just let it die. When he died, you should've just let it die with him. There's no point in being angry or upset over something that you can't change or get resolved. You may never know why it happened, but it happened and you can't change it...just let it die.
forgiveness will free you.
Don't hold onto it, Just let it go. Life is too short to dwell on the past, and let the past influence your future. Every day is a new day for a reason. Every day offers us the oppertunity to wake up and start our life out new. When something bad happens let it go or you may be miserable the rest of your life if you don't. What is the past is the past only as long as you are willing to let it be. I suggest to move forward and see what is around the next corner. Don't let yourselfe get stuck in the mud of yesterday....
"The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones"
But he's your husband, surely you would have shared some great memories with him, I'm sure he would've felt the pang of regret, he's dead there's nothing you can do to revive him and make him apologize, so you remember him as the guy you fell in love with and the guy you chose to say 'Yes' to.
my sympathies, can't imagine your pain. recently I was betrayed by a family member who is very close to me, the betrayals kept getting worse and worse, I kept uncovering more and more and I was in a cycle of pain and anger that felt like a whirlpool dragging me down to hell ( ok a little bit colourful here but that' s what i felt)
and then one day, after finding out yet some more bad news I realised my life felt like a movie, a novel a black comedy ( I love film noir) where the heroine is surrounded by every possible disaster, what else could possible go wrong?!!!!!!!!! a comedy of disasters! what else can this poor woman go through, I started to laugh outloud ( not bitterly, genuinely) and then , I realised, it really is like a movie , and this is the juicy middle part- what happens next? and I began to craft the rest of the story line, I found a "great" ending ( not a good one, this is MY story!) for myself and I"m working assiduously to make it come through.
so, your husband is dead, you've been blessed with more time on this earth. write the next bit of your story,
" she wept bitterly for days, her heart was broken and then one day she......................"
forget him for now, forgive him later if you think it's important ( and hell, it's not like he's going anywhere in a hurry!) right now, figure out the cool,fun, exciting part of the story- she retired and went to live in tahiti, etc etc go for gold , you still have the chance ,he's dead ;)
Your husband can't answer your questions anymore, so you will need to work out why he betrayed you in the first place. Be really honest - could you have done anything to prevent what happened? Did he really love you deep down, or was it just an arrangement of mutual convenience?
Don't get yourself down over it though - you can't take that anger anywhere, and it will just spoil your own life.
First, you need to decide that you want to forgive him. (Maybe you don't want to forgive him.)
Then forgive him.
When those are done then you can write him a letter.
Send it to him, you can either burn it and it will go to heaven, or you can bury it in the ground next to his grave. Do what you need to do.
He's dead. I would let it go.
UUUUUH, NEWS FLASH GRANDMA. IT DOESNT MATTER IF U FORGIVE HIM OR NOT, HEEEEEESSSEE DDDEEEAADDD!!!!
it's easier to forgive then forget.. no matter what anybody does to u or how bad it is.. forgive them.. u'll feel a lot better then u would holding on to it.
how did he betray you?