You must first see that he get's help to get off of whatever drug he is addicted too.
The drugs are the one controlling him now if he is addicted.
He will do anything to keep it alive, to keep using.
You have to attack the drug like it is an enemy, because it is. Once he is clean for some time the forgiveness will become more possible.
Forgiveness for an addict is the foundation of a codependant relationship. Instead of worrying about how to forgive an addict spouse, maybe you could spend the exact same amount of time getting help for yourself as what you need is to get yourself safe and clearheaded and figure out which boundaries you will set for the loser and what rules you will both be following from now on
Lots of great input! I am a recovering Alcoholic and I agree with most of what I read for your awnsers.I fully agree that its a family problem. I would tell you to remember that he is sick and this should be considered.The things we do when we are sick may not be the same things we would choose to do if we were well.Addiction is a very powerful thing and is not easily overcome.The pain caused by it must outweigh the pleasure comming from it to even consider change. To forgive him is to alow you to accept that it happend not that you agree with it or that you approve of it but to free you from it.It is for your peace of mind and to help you move forward.It really has nothing to do with him and won't effect him in any way.Seek some advise from people that deal with addiction on a daily basis.
Don't force yourself to if you're not ready. Remember, anger is a sign that changes need to be made so if you're still angry with him, then use that anger to improve the situation between you and your husband. If you declare forgiveness when you're still angry, chances are that anger will just keep on manifesting in other ways and may even make things worse.
What you can forgive right now is yourself. Part of you may also be secretly angry with what you've contributed to the problem. If you can't do that right now, then the next best thing to do is to find reasons why and ways how you can change what you've been doing wrong in context with your husband's addiction.
It's a good thing that you want to forgive your husband because that means you love him that much. But you have to find reasons and ways to love yourself first. Hope this helps.
To forgive is for yourself..it is not for him. It is so that you can move forward. Forgiveness does not mean that you trust someone again. Forgiveness does not mean that you even speak to someone who has done something horrible. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself first and to the other person second. Forgiveness does not have a timefr
What do you do now? If he doesn't agree to get help, then you cannot let him take you down with him. This is a disease and he is not himself. You deserve happiness in this life too. YOU alone cannot help him with this. You can be there for him and support him emotionally. HE is the only one who can choose to recover.
Alot of truth spoken here. But here is one I must add. The addict needs help and may never change without help. The spouse is very sick also for choosing the addict. We may leave the addict. But need to seek help. We may find another person who does not take drugs. But the attitude and behavior may still be there.And maybe that person is more reliable cause he has a job. But is there true feelings of healthy living? So I would say forgive yourself first. And then see if he is seeking help. Its a family disease. And people around us have been affected.
I wish you Joy, Pease and self love
After having, not one, but two drug addicted husbands (which I eventually woke up and got rid of)(and yes I was very naive!), I am wondering why you feel the need to forgive them?
Your anger is highly appropriate. Addicts are terminally selfish. You will never matter as much as whatever they use to numb their pain.
It isn't personal. Their need/s addictions have nothing to do with you. It is all about them.
If you need to forgive, it should be for yourself, not for them.
I found a modicum of forgiveness, when I realized that my beloved addicts were broken in a way they couldn't fix, and that it was my responsibility to myself, my children, and them, to get away from their profoundly damaging behavior.
Once I accepted that they simply cannot change, then I was free of the tyranny of hope.
I left and after healing blindspots in myself, I have found a real, true companion-one who is not an addict.
I hope you find the same!
you most likely have many reasons to be angry,but forgiveness is a divine gift,I reccommend it highly.what can you do to inform yourself and help inspire him to make the nessesary change?most addicts won't choose healthier patterns untill confronted with dire consequences-and I know of whence I speak.my addictions took a terrible toll on those who cared for and believed in me,gradually I'm believing in my self and learning to undo some of the selfish blunders of my past...depending on what he's using,and how,he may benefit most from residential detox of some sort with outpatient followup-this takes time,effort,and energy.but can be achieved by even the most seemingly hopeless(again,this is me)get honest with yourself and try to look for solutions rather than dwell in resentment,anyone is capable of change and a second chance at a first class life,I'm doing it,day by day and one baffling experience at a time.you've got support if you look for it and so does he,just gotta walk through the pain that is the price of admission for this new way of life.good luck.