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mjlover1958 mjlover1958 13-15, F 10 Answers Oct 1, 2012 in Self Harm

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My therapist has had me start tapping when I start getting the urge but your problem may be different from mine. My daughter does it because she wants to hurt herself. She wants to feel pain to block out emotional pain. There's a different approach to hers than mine, which is to halt an episode of derealization. It's the only way I know how to stop it but I'm working on tapping my wrist with a pen. I have added watching a short video of myself while I tap to remind myself I'm me. My daughter would have a different plan. <br />
Either way it goes, you need someone to listen and help you work out why you do it. Only then can you get started healing. Until then you'll struggle. Have you considered a counselor at school? There are suicide hotlines with people who will talk to you and help you when you're fighting, but they can only do so much. Sometimes having someone to talk to helps though.<br />
You're welcome to add me and ask any questions. I've been doing this for about 25 years.

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Kudos to you for doing what you need to do to get help.

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You could contact your school counselor to talk to your parents and/or find you someone or a program that can help you.

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My parents know I do it. I have told them. But they wont get me any help and I honestly dont know why. I just dont know what to do.

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I still think another adult you can trust would be a good idea. They could help you find the help you need.

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My 17 year old brother knows, if he is considered an adult. He is the only one that I trust, but I dont want to throw this on him. He is in the army, and has so much more to worry about. I dont know what I do. I need help, and I understand that I do, but I just dont know how to get it. I mean, I love your suggestions and all, but I dont feel so comfortable getting help that way in particular.

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call 911 and tell them you want to commit suicide. they will send you to a mental help facility and get you some treatment

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That is obviously not the solution. I cant just call the cops and say I want to commit suicide. Because I dont. I just want help with my addiction, not locked up because Im suicidal.

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i understand completely, i was just thinking of a way you could get to actually see a doctor or therapist. if you are in school, why cant you talk to your school counselor about it, and maybe she can help you out, otherwise i dont see any other option if your parents wont help you at all. do you have a suicide or teen help hotline in your town? try calling in to one if there is one available.

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Thank you for the advice. Thank you so much&lt;3

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you are very welcome. i have had similar issues growing up and i had to seek help on m y own. if there is anything i can do to help you let me know, okay?

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Of course! And Thanks for understanding.

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Walk into a hospital someplace and tell the nurse that you cut yourself frequently...see what happens next.

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Yeah, like I am actually going to do that. I dont think that is a good solution, but thank you for your suggestion. At least you gave some sort of advice. I appreciate that so much.

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Then you don't want to get help yet. When you decide that you do, there are places for you to go.

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Of course I want to get help... I just dont want to do it that way.

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I don't think you do.
You know the path.
You just refuse to walk it.

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How can you say I dont want to get the help I need?? You dont even understand. You are wrong on so many levels. Of course I want to get the help, and yeah, I know the path. I dont refuse to walk it.. Im afraid to walk it.

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Fear stops us all from getting what we need or want. Are you afraid of what people will say? They will say she was strong enough to get help when she needed it. Are you afraid of being dependent on others? We ALL are dependent on each other. You want to be in control of yourself at all times... Fine. Be in control of yourself enough to let someone else help you. You can not be in control of everything until you have the capacity to allow someone else to have control. That is true control of ones self.

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Well, Im afraid. Ok? Thats all I can say about it, because I dont know any other way to describe it. Im just afraid of everything.

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I understand that. I am here for you. You have nothing to fear from me. Perhaps if you wish to talk sometime, we can meet in a chat room of your choosing.

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I am not afraid of you. Im just afraid. Of everything. Of being judged for trying to get help. Im afraid that I'll be the talk and the topic of everyone's conversation. Im afraid that my family will actually care, and I don't want them to. I mean, they haven't been there my whole life, and if I try to reach out and get help, then they will actually care, and I don't want that.

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You do have a predicament... kinda like getting caught in a pickle between second and third base...Why are you pushing your family away?

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Kind of, I guess you could say that. And I am pushing my family away because I feel uncomfortable around them. They never cared about anything else in my life, and I don't want them to start now. I guess I am just used to being on my own, you know? So I honestly don't them to care.. If any of that made sense?

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Certainly. You are afraid that if you even openn the door just a crack to let them in, they won't come. That would hurt you deeply and you want to avoid that at all cost. So you deny them the chance to hurt you by keeping them at arms lenght. I have done it myself...
Unfortunately, Family goes deeper than that.
The warmth and acceptance you truely crave, is only available once you trust someone else enough to let them in.
Unless you come from a family full of violence and rage, your folks will not hurt you intentionally, particularly if you ask them for assistance.

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Well, you are talking to a girl who comes from a family of violence and rage. I am not joking, either. I don't want them to care. If they do, then it would be awkward for me, and I just don't want that. I like keeping them away and distancing myself from them.

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What about Aunts and Uncles? Cousins you are close too??? You must have someone you can talk to...A religious figure or teacher?

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I just signed on to encourage you again to get help. Take a friend to your guidance counselor with you, if you need to. Your counselor has probably dealt with worse things, and he or she won't be disappointed in you. Counselors go into that career because they want to help! <br />
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Your life is important! You shouldn't have to be so unhappy. Get some help now, and someday you'll look back on this and wonder why you didn't do it sooner!

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They know about it. They just refuse to get me any help.

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Call your local mental health center, or a crisis hot line, they will be able to get you the help you need.

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I dont think I have the guts to do that ... Im scared.

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I know it's scary, but you really do have the inner strength to do it. Once you do, you'll be surprised at how easy it really was. Please, please get the help you need. Life will be so much better when you begin to heal.

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But im so scared. I am afraid that ill be judged and people will just think im mental or crazy. whatever. i dont want all that attention! i dont want my family to be talking about me behind my back, and spreading the word that i sit in my room and cut myself.. i dont think i could handle it..

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If you are having to cut, then they might already be doing some of those things you fear. Conquer your fear, it will be one more positive thing in your life. Don't worry about what others think, remember that great saying, Those that matter won't mind, those that mind, don't matter.

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Yeah, I dont think so... I am so scared. I cant explain how scared i am.

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Been there, I know it's scary, but if you have the will to ask here for help, the next step is actually easier than you think. Call the crisis hot line, they will talk to you without needing your name or anything. They are trained in helping. Just please talk to someone.

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The hotline. They wont make me tell them my name or anything like that.. They will just talk to me about getting help and help me. Promise?

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The ones I know about will ask for your first name just so that they can talk to you. They will be very understanding and helpful, please trust me. They only want to help and by law can not give any information to anyone you don't approve before hand. Please just call them.

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Thank you, I'll let you know when I call them. Thanks!

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You don't need counselling, just don't do it. Being depressed is one thing but cutting yourself is unnecessary.

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Excuse Me?How can You say Any one dont need counseling?You are Doctor who.....

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When you do it, it feels necessary. It's not just a matter of not doing it. It's a struggle every single time. It's an addiction.

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You are wrong in so many ways, you dont even understand. Depression is one thing, thats right. But cutting yourself? No, you're theory on that one is WRONG. In so many ways. Telling someone who self harms not to cut themselves, is pointless. It doesnt work. And just to let you know, I cut myself because I dont know anything else. I dont know any other way. I go through a lot of things, and cutting myself is a release. You wouldnt understand because you are obviously too quick to judge. You need to learn the truth behind some situations before you go and attempt to make your point. Your comment is unnecessary. You dont know anything about self harming, and you have made that clear.

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Thank you !

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