It takes time, but it's mostly a matter of making each choice in the way *you* feel most comfortable with (and not giving in to peer pressure, or the media, or any other outside distractions). As time goes on, the pattern of your choices will come to define you.

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iam 53 and have no peers

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Then the chances are you already have a personality, without knowing it. But the rest of the advice holds: so long as you consistently make the choices that seem right to you, your personality will become clear.

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You have one. Your just being reserved intentionally trying to impress someone.

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my being so reserved turns people off

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reservations are not bad. some people like them. shy and quiet can be sexy

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I stole mine, and love it!

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Try Growing one.

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