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He thinks he is undeserving of love ....but he is not.
hadyourchance hadyourchance 31-35, F 31 Answers Dec 8, 2012 in Community

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It will take time. Maybe he's been told in the past that he'll never be good enough for anyone to love him. Be there for him - always be honest - be patient.

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you cant, he has to do that on his own

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That's discouraging.

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don't marry him- he'll drive you nuts when this sh1t turns to jealosy

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Didn't think about that.

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Men put their BEST foot forward in courtship--after marriage makes it safe for them to let it ALL out

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patiently, but he has some issues to work on for himself.

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Very hard, it's a struggle you can't get inside his head. Take tiny steps.

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Tell him over and over again until he gets it.

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I already sound like a broken record.

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Eventually it should sink in. Why do you think he's so insecure?

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?

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bless your heart.

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The only people I've ever heard tell me they were undeserving of my love were cheating on me behind my back. Literally, it happened every single time. Guilt is a serious issue. Even if this is not the case for you, which I sincerely do hope that it is not, you can't expect to change him. It will take time, patience, years perhaps - and the whole "in your face reminders" are very unlikely to work - they just remind him of how he feels about himself right now. He has to learn for himself to let go of his past and his insecurities, shining a bright light on the problem isn't going to help speed up that process.

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I've been very patient & never force anything. I don't want to change him...I love him just as he is. I want him to feel the love. That's all.

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Is that all? You said it yourself, "I already sound like a broken record." I'm not talking about "forcing", I'm talking about actions speak louder than words. And the fact that your comment is phrased the way it is.. "How do I get a such and such man to realize such and such" is implying that you want to change the way he sees himself. Only he can do that.

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you can't. he has to be willing to change.

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I do not think you can ever do that..

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:(

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A very wise woman, Maya Angelou, once said, if a man tells you something about himself...believe it.<br />
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I tried to do the same thing. I thought if I just kept loving him that he would see that what I said was true - that I would always love him, and I'd always be there for him. <br />
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I will never know for sure, but I now think he just said it to reel me in and keep me. I'm pretty sure he is a master at manipulation. Now that we've broken up for good he is sending dbl. messages. <br />
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He sent me a movie to download after no communication in 6 ? months, and gave me a time limit before he would cancel the download. Then he wished me Happy Holidays. He also said he didn't want to talk. and goodbye. See? It's confusing. <br />
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Next time? Believe what he tells you. If he tells you he's a jerk or an @ss, do not doubt what he says, Even if he sounds like he's joking - he is telling you the truth.<br />
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And I hate to say it, if he says he's insecure and then brags about something - he is over compensating and over inflating. That's what insecure men do to cover up that insecurity. And be careful, he will eventually believe what he's been saying and you then cannot challenge this overinflated mindset. <br />
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The funny thing is, everyone has met someone like this and can see right thru them. It's obvious exactly what this person is doing, so it winds up that the only person he has convinced ? is himself.<br />
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The sad thing is - you can fall in love with him, and fall deeply - but he will never trust you. Insecurity means - ' I don't trust anyone - I will get hurt'. You can't have love without trust so the only thing you can trust is - you will get your heart broken. <br />
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I should have left at the first clue - they will give you clues - but I hung in there just positive my love would make the difference in his life. Which is just what he wants you to do, to think - whether he's conscious of it or not.<br />
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I wish I had some way to convince you, and save the pain I've had from loving someone that may not be able to love me back, someone who really has no idea about what love is. Let him be and find someone that can return your love. Get off that one-way street.

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Wish I would've heard that 1.5 yrs ago before I fell for him. :(

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dont be with an insecure man. it wont be good for you

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With consistency, patience and a little room to grow. :)

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not likely to happen

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He probably IS undeserving of your love, and you just don't see it yet.

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Good luck

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You can't,only he can do it. He need to work on his "Self-Esteem".

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Time, reassurance, and love. (ok, as a male, I have to recommend an occasional bj helps too.)

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Don't presume you can change anybody.

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Don't want to change him. I love him just how he is. I only want him to understand.

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Is he turning down offers of sex? What is the problem?

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Boobies will do it every time.

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