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Home  >  Relationships (Romance)  >  Resolved Question
Resolved Question
How do i tell him of my previous relationship?
Posted 2 months ago
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
This question highlights the fact that "human relationships are very tricky things"!

Everyone these days should be aware that they may not be the first to enter into a relationship with whoever they are going with; so it should not be a highly traumatic or contentious thing to find that this is so - but there will be those to whom it will be.

You have to ask yourself the following questions:
(1) Has your partner / datee ASKED about this, or not? If not, and they are not interested, perhaps they don't need to know. If ever they want to know, be honest with them, but brief; give further details only if asked. You have a right to have had relationships with someone else, found that they didn't suit, and dropped the relationship.
(2) If the partner does want to know about your other relationships, assess their emotional stability and likely ability to cope gracefully with the information; then tailor your reply to that; but I would say, keep it honest; then you can't be "bowled out" at a later stage.

My only other comment is that I think that someone who is over-sensitive about your previous relationship(s) is perhaps not a good match for you. Everyone should understand that its natural to "try out" a relationship or two to see if they will work for you, because you really can't tell until you've lived a while with a person, what they're like. If your proposed partner can't deal with that in a mature maner, I would say there's likely a fair risk of trouble arising at some time. I believe that a couple who love one another sincerely will be able to be honest with each other and not throw too many 'wobblies'. But of course, being "provocative" would be a silly thing to do, even if you think its funny!
Posted 2 months ago

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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 6:46PM
This can be quite a difficult subject. But honesty is still the factor that must remain. When you date someone and perhaps fall in love, what is it worth to you? I believe that giving your partner the respect and chance to hear the truth is the best thing to do. Arent they worth that too? No one is ever perfect, dont believe you are the only one in the relationship with faults or unsavory actions. If they love you and truly do.... the past shouldnt matter right? We are not our actions, but what we bring to the table today:-)
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 10:25PM
There is no good way to do it so don't do it. Clean slates make a wonderful beginning.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 10:08AM
u first decide to accept the consequence .
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 10:19AM
openly and without care. if u care u mite censor things, and this is sumtin with wich u really want to be honest.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 10:42AM
I would let what happened in the past,stay in the past.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 12:24PM
Don't tell more than what you need to. I told my husband EVERYTHING when I first married him. Now I regret sharing so much. He didn't need to know who and what to everything.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 12:53PM
Have to agree with Angela. Some can use it against you for years. So do the need to know thing. And only that. My husband knows some things from my past not that I tod him but because they involved his friend at the time. 10 years later it still is getting brought up.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 1:00PM
Better you should ask, why?
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 1:43PM
every good relationship is based on understanding and honesty and truth,,,, work with the truth no lies and let the chips fall and deal with them,
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 2:05PM
Asking the question assumes that you think you need to tell him and you judge that he will not like it. Hmmm....

Ask him if he wants to know. Maybe tell him enough so he can decide if he wants to know the rest. He might not. If the details of your previous relationship are eating at you, it's best to confess with someone you trust. A friend, clergy, heck even a stranger.

Remember, that whatever the details, you aren't the first or only person to have done whatever you did. You are ok in spite of what it was.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 2:12PM
My experiences has taught me not to share. The past is the past. It does't matter anymore. I hate the question "How many people have you slept with?" It doesn't matter! They will always wonder who is better. I just do not believe in sharing past relationship info. If you tell them how someone hurt you, well guess what, he'll know one of your buttons. But, that's me. I just think it's foolish too. You might want the ideal marriage, but your both are human.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 2:36PM
Your past relationships are in the past & there's no reason the discuss them... unles the relationship was with a buddy or family member.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 3:47PM
why do you need to?
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 4:28PM
Simply don't. Generally when you discuss past relationships with present ones, they will usually also become past relationships. Wouldn't you like to just be with someone whose living today with a hope for tomorrow with you, rather than for and because of ones past? The past is the past and should just stay that with the leason learned aspect.
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Posted Oct 11th, 2008 at 6:16PM
My wife and I were totally honest with each other from the start, we didnt want any surprises springing up down the road. Sure there were things we didnt quite understand and some we didnt really even like....but it actually deepend our respect for each other and our trust in each other as well. You dont have to give every sordid detail (unless they want to know and you are comfortable doing so), and you should be sure they are secure and mature enough to handle it. Keeping things from each other can lead to problems and mistrust in the future, so if you two are planning a long-term future together the its better to get things out in the open now and work through them before the commiitment is made.
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Posted Oct 13th, 2008 at 8:47AM
Dont tell him. Relationships should be based on mutual trust and if he loves you truly he wouldnt even ask about prior ones. The only thing that should matter to him is NOW.What you have done in the past is done and has nothing to do with what you feel or are at this moment. You should also feel the same way about his past relationships if you truly love him. There is no need to know.
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