you take deep breath and you write it in a letter if you cant talk face to face.you explain you wanna make it better an well what more can you do.goodluck

hi lunnas! good to hear you! my MIL is toxic and always has been since i met her son and married him a zillion years ago. i badly wanted a good relationship with her because my relationship with my own mother was sometimes painful. i wanted to love her and i wanted for her to love and accept me. it was not going to happen, no matter how i tried. she told me she hated me, and she still does. strangely, after she told me she hated me, i felt liberated. i didn't have to try anymore. i wasn't going to be loved or accepted by her, so why bother? i relaxed. if your MIL is truly toxic, there is nothing you can do to achieve a better relationship. don't feel bad if it never happens. if that's the case, keep your distance from her and enjoy all the other things life has to offer. that's what i did, and i'm happy. good luck. let me know how it turns out, OK?

With her tied to something heavy, preferably.
Seriously though, it would have to be a very hard thing to do. I admire you for wanting to and for trying to find a way to do it. Don't let your desire for a better relationhip make you let her walk all over you. Becuase if she is toxic, then that's exactly what she will do.
I will have to confront my mother in law at some point too, because at the moment polite is working well enough to keep some of her toxic behaviour at bay, but it won't forever. I think every mother in law needs to be aproached differently. Talk to you husband about her, about what he thinks is the right way to appraoch her, he'll know her better and can give you the best pointers.

You don't. I've been there and it can't be done, I'm convinced. If your mother in law was a sensitive, and caring person, you wouldn't have to tell her, she'd know how her behavior is disrupting your life. The only thing you can do is place boundries and stick to them. Have a rewards system set up for her if she is good. Youn wil never change her, but she will learn ho far she can go with you, like Pavlovs dogs. Take it from me, I've been there, done that!

I don't know about all these Mother-in-law stuff since I'm not married. But I don't think telling your mother-in-law how toxic she is would help build a better relationship with her. Perhaps you should tell her how lovely she is and try some bribery instead.

My suggestion is to tell her honestly how you want things to become and then tell her how she comes across to you be careful how you say it and bare in mind you may have traits that bother her you need to be diplomatic.

First of all you have to stop thinking of your mother-in-law as toxic. Even if you don't say this, she will pick up on it from you. Second, once you have grown to the point of being able to fully accept her, then reach out to her as a friend and just start communicating honestly and working through your problems until you find solutions together- there doesn't have to be any blame involved- you can work through all problems with honest communication and acceptance.

Duana

Oh I could tell you some stories! My mother-in-law is an evil witch who has tried desperately to break her son and I up. At first, I tried SO HARD to get along with her. I let so much go until I finally could not take it any longer. This happened when I heard her yelling at my husband on the phone, telling him he should only be paying half of all the household bills (I'm enrolled in my last semester of college and not working for the 1st time ever). So when I heard this, I started yelling for her to stay the hell out of it. Well, this led to a huge argument... she ultimately called my son (who is not my husband's biological child) a "G-Damn brat"!
Some people may not agree with this, but if you are the mother of her grandchildren, you should keep her toxic *** away from them. Of course, she has to be really bad to deserve this. I didn't allow her to see her grandson for a month after she bad-mouthed my other son (who is only 7!) She has recently seen him, but not often. Oh well, she should act like a human being if she wants to be treated like one.