It is a long journey, but counseling really helped me. I was abused by an immediate family member from the time I was 4 or 5 until I was 12. I was also abused by extended family members for quite some time too. <br />
I started having flashbacks in my 30s because I didn't understand my inability to connect with the opposite sex. I sought counseling, and found an excellent counselor who helped me to see things ob<x>jectively.<br />
Essentially, I was tired of being a victim of my past. I didn't visit my entire family for quite some time as I needed distance. It was almost as though I was suffering from PTDS. I went home for a cousin's funeral, and I was a basket case during that time. It was almost unbearable.<br />
Eventually, I forgave them all. I wrote a letter, which I didn't mail, to the main abuser and I was finished. He was living his life and didn't care that mine had been irrevocably damaged because of the sexual molestation of his little sister. I didn't want him to have power over my life -- ANYMORE! <br />
Now, I can spend time with all of them. I am a Christian, and my counselor was one too. I think a lot of my healing was attributed to this. I hope that you find healing.
Try to remove yourself as far away from that person as you can and excommunicate them from your life. I do not think you can get a lasting relationship once that trust barrier has been breached, there is no going back. They endure lots of therapy and CBT. It is a sad state of affairs when family members do do this.
They don't... they just learn how to live with the memory of it
I just realized that it happened, it was wrong, and I will not let it ever happen again. I survived and I am still here and ok. So it is now water under the bridge and I can move on and be happy.
Time and separation from this person seems to be the only real "medicine". You have to be sure to not hold on to any hate or shame you may experience from it as well. Talking to a few very close and trustworthy people helped me.