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How do you both forgive someone and recognize that they won't/can't stop hurting you

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Asked By: blindbob 26-30  6 months ago

Do you still do favors for them and answer their calls or do you move on completely and ignore them?

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    Best Answer (Chosen by Voting):

    chimbie88 - 31-35 years old - male

    Posted by chimbie88 Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:38PM

    no, you do not do them favors anymore. That would not be fair to you. If they are making you unhappy and you need to change, then it may be best to move on. If something changes... then you can make a decision then... but for now... no. don't waste your time.

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  1. blindbob - 26-30 years old

    Reply by blindbob Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:40PM

    it's my dad... he's still as nasty and cruel as ever, especially to my mother, but he's too ill to beat us up anymore. these days, he needs money to pay his bills and someone to take him to the doctor's office for his appointments and cook him meals.

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  2. chimbie88 - 31-35 years old - male

    Reply by chimbie88 Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:44PM

    this may sounds like a dickish thing to do... but it may be negotiating time. You have the right to do what you want to do in your life, and its your decision, but you can also say how you want to be treated, and then decide if you want to continue being nice to someone like that. If you say what you want its THEIR decision and THEIR life what they decide to do with it. :) Tough situation... very tough... but I hope you figure something out with it :)

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9 Answers to "How do you both forgive someone and recognize that they won't/can't stop hurting you"

  1. Staley - 56-60 years old - female

    Posted by Staley Oct 21st, 2012 at 11:11PM

    Forgiving doesn't mean putting up with their crap, it just means accepting that they will do that crap. Then you make a decision about how often or when you want to take that crap again. Or not.

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  2. blindbob - 26-30 years old

    Reply by blindbob Oct 21st, 2012 at 11:14PM

    Yeah, that's what i'm trying to decide, how often and what. My dad is getting on in his years and he doesn't have many years left so it's a matter of walking away completely or trying to figure out how to extend some human charity in a way that isn't self-sacrificing on my part.

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  3. Staley - 56-60 years old - female

    Reply by Staley Oct 21st, 2012 at 11:17PM

    I understand. Then when the crap starts, just use 'natural consequences' ie: Well I'll be going now Dad and catch you later when you're feeling a bit better - bye" and go. Don't answer his "what do you mean?" just go or hang up. He'll soon catch on that you're only around when he's behaving nicely.

    Like (1)

  4. WildSpectrumArts - 46-50 years old - female

    Posted by WildSpectrumArts Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:49PM

    There is a difference between someone who won't stop and can't stop. If they won't then you need to leave. If they can't help themselves, then you need to realize that as leave. Nobody should put up with abuse. You need to change in order for your situation to change. When you change your perspective, then you will be able to forgive someone.

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  5. Whateverrrrr - 36-40 years old - female

    Posted by Whateverrrrr Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:43PM

    If they have to continue hurting me = then what is the point being with them or even forgiving them.

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  6. btronx - 36-40 years old - female

    Posted by btronx Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:42PM

    If its someone you live with or are married to you have to leave. You have to realize you did not deserve this. Just be done with them. They don't deserve to be treated well by you, and you are wasting your time thinking they will be there for you.

    Like (1)

  7. hitoribochi89 - 22-25 years old - female

    Posted by hitoribochi89 Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:41PM

    Forgiveness is letting go of the pain, but doesnt necessarily mean to "forget" what happened. You don't need to do any favors, but should move on with your life. Mor elike staying away from trouble, at the end of the day, it's up to you and how you feel.

    Like (1)

  8. blindbob - 26-30 years old

    Reply by blindbob Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:45PM

    yeah, i really want to forgive him but he makes it hard. he's just as nasty as ever to everyone. he's made enemies of everyone--his church, his family, friends.

    Like (1)

  9. wanderingsage - 46-50 years old - male

    Posted by wanderingsage Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:39PM

    Put distance between you and them

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  10. ProvidentialParlance - 26-30 years old - male

    Posted by ProvidentialParlance Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:38PM

    You can't. If they cannot change, they should not be forgiven.

    Like (1)

  11. BadassQuiat - 31-35 years old - female

    Posted by BadassQuiat Oct 21st, 2012 at 10:37PM

    I need to know the answer also.

    Like (1)

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