How do you deal with a family member who always puts you down?

Me personally limit it to phone conversations(you already have tried telling her how you feel and she's refused to respect your feelings so it is at the next level), and every time she puts you down, hang up on her.

Really? Is that what you have to put up with just because she's "your family"? I think you need to distance from her, call her on her b-day and xmas, life's too short and your dignity too precious to let people treat you that way. You have done your part, tried to fix things. Didn't work, move on.

Do the same exact thing back and act like you don't know why she is upset and she will understand how you feel soon enough

e-mail, the phone is not the only way to talk to someone, send her an email telling her how you feel

You have to address this, if she is treating you badly you must do something. I suggest simply that when you talk with her when you feel she is being disrespectful, correct her immeditely.......by saying something like "don't talk to me like that"
But then just carry on, don't let is seem like it phases you. In my experience this usually works, at first she be shocked and even affended, but if you are consistent with your demand for respect, she will soon learn to do so.

If she stops talking with you, I would just call her or leave a voicemail saying that, you are simply not accepting her disrspect and cruelty, and although she may not recognise it, she is obviously hurting you, and unless she starts to traet you the way you deserve it is her loss as you will not asscosiate with her, tell her you love her and don't want to lose her but she is making you unhappy.


Goodluck..

I hope this helped.

AvalonX

I doubt she will change, as she sees YOU to be the one with the problem. I have a sister like this, she also undermined my family relationships with this type of thing.

I stay away. It is for my peace of mind and I find that I don't miss this passive/aggressive stuff at all, or her for that matter.

My sister did this all of my life along with the parent. Simple solution after i last saw her give her a piece of mind then tell her she is really disgusting. Walk away and never call again. If she dies well nothing lost.

Posted Sep 13th, 2009 at 10:39PM
I really like what Dollparts wrote.
But there's value in all of the above.
Use what you think is appropriate.

There's a very old story of how the Buddha once addressed this in a debate which is historically recorded.

One particular man kept abusing him for his beliefs and such, without any foundation for his slurs.
The Buddha asked him;
"If you invite someone into your house for a meal and they do not accept your food; to whom does it belong?"
The man answered;
"To me of course."
So the Buddha said;
"Likewise, if I do not accept this abuse you hurl at me, does it not return to you?"

When in such a situation myself, if nothing else seems to work, I say to the person,
"Do you know that when you try to belittle me, it's not a measure of how small I am? But it IS a measure of how small you are."

It's as harsh as a virtual bucket of water in the face to wake them up. But whenever I've used it, people have shown their true colours.
I've had apologies, stunned silence and even open hostility in response. But I always find out just exactly where they really stand. Then it's easier to know what to do...

Good luck and best wishes,
M

Not a clue.

Leaving the planet altogether sometimes sounds like the most reasonable thing to do.