You take the kid out a lot (park, zoo, playground, museums, etc) without mom. Make sure you never say anything negative about her to the child.
I dont, she misstreats my disabled son and I tried everything legal to make her stop in Tennessee. She makes him sit on the couch and gets made at him if he even speaks, She doesnt give him a bath when he ahs a sezure, and she treats the stupid dog better than she treats him. this is just a few things she does to him, he has had two brain operations and is 28 now, he is not expected to live past 46. I hate her with all my heart, and yes I will laugh at her funeral
I have yet know this as a reality .. if it can be circumvented (the hostility) i would love it! The Ex (being my Ex).
You make your goal politeness, not friendliness, or talking positive/negative, just be polite. Yes, even when the ex is not. Just polite, no more, no less. Assume that your ex's behavior will be nearly intolerable (that's why you divorced!) and act like the character, Kwai Chang in the TV series Kung Fu (you can buy the DVDs for not too much if you want to refresh your memory). Be calm, be polite and do it no matter what.
I avoid confrontation whenever possible. I never talk about things infront of the children and when he does I quickly redirect the conversation to light and fluffy stuff. I compliment their comitment to their kids and their parenting skills. I never threaten that they cant see the kids or the kids cant see them. I always watch my tone of voice and facial expresions when the kids can see and hear. And when they shut up and leave happy or not I go on enjoying whats left of my evening. They usually end up following my example for whatever reason. I think its the kids. All we can do is try and keep trying. Youshow that your a good parent for even showing concern and wanting to try to deal with them.
She is probably hostile because she doesn't like your lifestyle or the direction your life is going. It brings up ugly and probably unfair questions about your fitness as a parent. She is probably concerned about how your life style will affect your child. If you hid your "hobby" from her when you married, she undoubtedly has some understandable issues about that.
Minimize her reasons for concern. i.e. don't advertise your hobby or your desire to be a t-girl (I'm going by the groups you belong to.) Be respectful of her and your children at all times. (That should go without saying, but many people in conflict forget.) NEVER say anything derogatory about your ex in front of your child, or try to pry personal information about your ex from your child. Your child is a neutral party; leave him out of it. Support your ex when your child requires discipline, unless doing so endangers the child. If you pick up your child for visitation, always be on time, and be respectful, no matter how hostile she is, or if she plays visitation games.
Generally, one of the best ways to defuse a hostile verbal assault, is to swallow your pride and agree, when agreeing won't endanger your legal position regarding child visitation. She says, "You're a bastard." A response that could diffuse her hostility would be, "I'm sorry." A more humbling and possibly more effective response would be, "You are right. I was. I'm sorry."
I know it is hard and painful, but you can do it. Good luck.
dude i hate to break it to you but there is a damn good chance she had that kid to ensure that she could keep you their to be a punching bag for her hostility.
If you can get custody do it for the childs sake....
If you cant then im sorry its a write off. By the time shes finished with your kid your probably not going to want to know about it. In the meanwhile she'll constantly dangle the child like a carrot in front of you to try and control you but wont want to give it to you coz thats her control over you.
I do pray im wrong but ive been thru this guff.
It is heartbreaking and I feel for you
Always do things right. Don't give him/her any ammo to use against you. Be the bigger, more mature person for your child's sake. It wouldn't be a bad idea to log anything they do that could be viewed as hostile or aggressive. That way, should this hostility get to an extreme, you could file for sole custody.
I deal with it by living on the opposite side of the country (and my son lives in the same town I do).
like walking a tightrope