Resolved Question

it is practically ruining my relationships with everyone around me. i get so nasty and i know im doing it and i can take a step back and say whoa this needs to change. but i cant change it and i dont want to lose my friends

I finally figured out the answer to this one a year ago, and now I know how to deal with it.

See, jealousy is what we feel when we really want to do/have/try something, but are too afraid to actually just do it. So we feel this comlicated resentment towards those who did it, and frustration at ourselves for denying ourselevs it.

Next time you feel jealous, try this: take a piece of paper and draw three columns on it (or just do it in your head and be prepared to answer three questions about your current jealousy dilemma. Although, the first time it may be easier to do it on paper, that way you don't have to try and remember everything while you think about it.)

First, write down "who" you are jealous of. Ex: "I'm jealous of my sister sophie" This helps you get specific about it.

Next, after you've identified a "who" you need to answer "why" you're jealous. Why are you jealous, what is it that they have that just gets you hot under the collar? Write it down. (ex: "because she got a raise and I feel I should have"

Ok, now comes the tough part, because to get rid of the jealous feeling you have to problem solve how to get that second answer for yourself, ad in your own life. Ex: "I need to compile evidence and reasons why I'm worth a raise, and then meet with my boss and show him my reasons/contributions and ask him for one" Or if you're jealous because they have the sweetest guy in the world, then you need to start dating and talking to guys around and find a guy of your own. If you're jealous that they had a chance to go to Europe, then maybe you should start investigating how to travel there yourself. Start looking at brochures, planning and saving up. And then follow through on your plans to get it, or else the jealousy will just come back.

It's simple and it works every time. It's just strange I'd never heard of it around, and I actually found it in a book after years of looking. It dissipates that jealous emotion, if you use this every time it shows up. And that's such a relief!