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julienstaheli julienstaheli 26-30, M 10 Answers Dec 25, 2012 in Community

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Just say... I'm not into this conversation. At least, you're being honest and you'll probably feel rejuvenated. By tip toe-ing around actually saying what you feel, then aren't you being superficial yourself? You may say, it's about being polite. In answer to that, maybe the person talks superficial garbage all the time to everyone and it's driving everyone nuts and after they hear someone say that they not into it, they might actually come up with something meaningful. If they do not come up with something meaningful, then they probably won't bother you again with their shallow conversation.<br />
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So, I guess the next problem will be, what if it's your boss? I suppose the answer to that would be to rephrase the question from "How do you deal with superficial conversation that you just aren't into?" to How to you survive a superficial relationship? The answer to that is - get a new relationship.

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I completely agree with what you said about superficial relationships, like with a boss or even a colleague.

But as far as talking to random people goes, I just don't think most people are ready to hear the words "I'm not into this conversation". Since I wrote this question about a year ago, my perceptions of conversation have changed. People try to communicate in ways they know how to. It doesn't mean they are shallow (which I used to think) it simply means they haven't had much opportunity to discuss "truth", be it of a psychological nature, spiritual, metaphysical, etc. I also find that the subtext of what a person says on a seemingly superficial level tells a deeper story about them if you listen closely enough.

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Pretend you just remembered something that you needed to ask the person. After they answer, change the subject or leave. This way, you have a very low chance of hurting someone.

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Do you mean change the subject to something less surfaced and vapid? Sometimes it may work but how do you change the topic to something a little deeper especially when someone is busy talking at you, most likely, about something fluffy in attempt to avoid awkward silence and real conversation, oblivious and eyes glazed over?

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To have a deep conversation, all parties must take interest. They don't have to be smart, they just have to want to expand their knowledge (which can be even more rare).

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I try to remain as interested as possible, especially if it's important to the person talking. The world doesn't revolve around me and my interests.

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What about a common interest? Something that runs through the very essence of consciousness and connects us as humans?

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You can't share common interests on every level with every person, there are bound to be times when your partner or friend is gushing about something you care nothing about, but it would be selfish and rude to just tune them out or act uninterested.

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I agree.

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That reminds me of the song by Amanda Marshal when she says: "I'm so tired of the dance, this carousel of superficial conversation gets me nowhere..."<br />
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Honestly, I tell them like it is. If it's compliments their after and they say " OMG why do guys like me I'm so ugly" I just say, " Yeah, you are. I don't know why either" and leave it at that. It shuts them up and they usually don't say stuff like that to me again. <br />
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If they truly felt that way I wouldn't say that but because they're being all about themselves it's like..no.

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Sure, but wouldn't that just be perpetuating the empty conversation? and aggravating them at the same time?
I dislike vanity just as much as the next sensible person but what about a more productive approach like if (as you say) the person asks: "OMG why do guys like me I'm so ugly" I'd answer: "Why do you think guys think you're so ugly and what drives you to care?" But people don't talk like this in my age group and if they do I would probably laugh as though they were joking.

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you know, pointing that out like im the bad guy is really rude. Maybe you wouldn't say that but by the way you talk, it seems like you don't deal with it daily. If someone felt as if they where, TRULY felt like that i would help them change their minds but there is a huge difference between people who feel that way and people who are fishing for compliments. People who are fishing for compliments are shallow people who are full of themselves and very narcissistic. These people need to be told or they will not stop. The only thing that's a joke is this question because it seems to me that you don't know what you're talking about at all.

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I wasn't saying you're the bad guy, I was offering another perspective. I deal with obtuse people every day, I was just wondering what would be worse; people who ask self absorbed questions (like you said) or reacting to them and taking part in their own created delusions. Know what I mean?

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I don't always do it but when people really start to annoy me, I tell them what I'm thinking instead of being nice and kind and shutting my mouth because that won't solve anything. There are people in this world - rude people - who need to hear the truth. If they don't, they'll keep doing those same ignorant things over and over until someone really snaps on them and then it becomes worse than what I do. Talking nice to people like that isn't a day job, talking nice to people like that isn't going to solve a damn thing. They need the constructive criticism or I would be talking nice.

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Sure, everyone has their own way. I used to be mean to people but it made me quite angry and I personally didn't like to feel that way, it wasn't helping my growth as a person. Thanks for your answer, I appreciate it.

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I'm not angry, they just irritate me.

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I get where you're coming from, but one thing I have realized; people don't realize what they are doing most of the time, its a lack of awareness brought on by social conditioning. People are basically asleep. You should Google some stuff about psychology if you're interested.

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