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Everytime I ask my husband how he feels about something his response is always "I don't know". I can't figure out why he bottles his feelings and won't open up to me. Is there anything I can do to help him?
needinghislove needinghislove 22-25, F 14 Answers Mar 24, 2011

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Some guys have been so indoctrinated growing up that to share feelings shows weakness, that they don't really know how to do it. Honestly. They think that if they say what they are actually feeling about something, you will judge them as weak. So they either say nothing or they say something they think will make them sound strong.

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He has stated that he has never had to open up to anyone before and doesn't know how to do it. I feel terrible knowing we are going into our 6th year together and I am just now noticing or caring that we lack communication..... Wish it could all be better!

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lol men get savaged by women when they show their emotions, if the response isnt exactly what the woman wanted. The actual truth is women often dont want to know what the men feel its more like jeapordy and u have to say what the woman thinks is right... and then listen to endless stories of " he wont talk about his feelings".... when you dont want to play the stupid games anymore. well thats my experience anyhow... Also some less scrupulous women use the information gained to manipulate them. once you been thru that a couple of times you learn to shoosh... Be careful once we been thru that a couple of times we dont play no more. Most of us will give a new woman a fresh chance but if its the same crud we lose interest reaaaaaaaaaaaal fast :O)<br />
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*NOTE* the above is a generalisation and not always true, but sadly IMO is the case more often than not. Even in cases where the man is more emotionally aware or knowledgeable than his partner.<br />
If you are a good wife and this is not true of you, then it may have happened in his past, or he may be more emotionally deadened. Men are taught to "suck it up" more and that emotions are for girls to a degree. Blame society not men.<br />
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[EDIT] Exactly why i said a generalisation, there are a lot of good women out there too, but who knows hubby could have been thru it before you or he could be the type that has been taught men deal with things not whinge about them. society is a lot harsher on men emotionally than women.<br />
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I do hope he opens up to you, you seem very nice and i am trying to be nice too typing you this lengthy info... :O) Also men need more solo time generally than women. the other poster who said about backing off and letting him having his alone time in his "mancave" may be onto something. Once again this is a stereotypical thing and it could in fact be the woman that needs the alone time. generally its more so men though.<br />
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I do genuinely wish to help. if my gf had shown a shred of your interest in the 5yrs i was unhappy she may still be here today. you have my respect for your effort :O)

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I feel I am a very understanding women. Even when I want to criticize I just bite my tongue as I know it will do no good. I just want to be able to understand him and what he wants/doesn't want. He leaves it all up in the air and my heads a mess not knowing what to think.

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TIME is the best thing... Although we communicate differently than women, each person corresponds differently. I sometimes likes putting thoughts on paper, or an email, I know ridiculous... Me even opening up took serious TIME. <br />
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When he shares his heart, freaking LISTEN and don't cut him down only to close him up again. :-)

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Best way I get get a man to open up is to shut up and leave him alone until he is ready to speak. And don't discuss sex or anything else. Just blow him the occasional kiss and ignore the **** out of him.

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Well.....has he ever opened up before and if he has what was your reaction......most women don't want to her the truth cause they can't handle the truth.....and that's the truth....

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Honestly I feel terrible saying this, but I'm not sure. I think he has and I don't what my reaction was. Then again maybe he hasn't. We've been together for almost 6 years and our relationship was so good at one point. Then bam something happened and it's changed drastically.... I wish I could figure out where it went wrong, but no matter how much I rack my brain I come up with nothing. Regardless all I want at this point is to start fresh and get back on the right track. <br /><br />
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Maybe in the past I couldn't handle the truth, but I've grown alot and I'm begging him for the truth. I've told him over and over (and mean this 100%) I don't care if it's going to hurt me. I'd rather us be 100% honest with eachother than live in lies or secrets. I married him for better or for worse and although right now we may be going through the worse phase, I still took those vows and meant/mean them! <br /><br />
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We have a baby girl due next month and I want her to grow up with a happy mommy & daddy..... In order to accomplish this we need to be on the same page, you know? How do we get through this and back on track? Any ideas?

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unzip the zipper

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Welll I know it's cliche but try telling him that you really want to make love BUT would really like to connect first. "I feel so much more intimate (he will hear horny) with you when you share your feelings with me. Then of course if he opens up try a little mind blowing positive reinforcement!!!!

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Real men dont have feelings:-)

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Put a gun to his head

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Get him drunk or right after sex. Both will give you honest answers

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Because opening up your feelings reveals your vulnerabilities, and men don't want to feel weak. If he doesn't say anything, he can't be criticized for it.

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Sit down and have a serious 1 on 1 chat, maybe he is stressed or just doesnt want to show his feelings, you need to show him that you really do care and are worried about whats going on with him, its proves you care.

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I've done that so many times..... We are in marriage counseling now as well for a few reasons, but his lack of communication is one of the reasons. Hasn't seemed to help yet....

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You have to be really sneaky about it and make a lot of false promises like "you won't get into trouble, just tell me". Lull them into a false sense of security.

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Stomp on his instep. That should evoke feelings. If not, bury him.

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