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I called her this morning to wish her a happy Thanksgiving Day. She gave a deadpan reply. Her husband who is in the military told her to go to his relatives for the holiday. Not be be mean, but her husband is mean and abusive towards her when he is home. She criticizes me for anything she not approve of which is virtually everything unless it involves giving her money.
Bamacatgirl Bamacatgirl 61-65, F 10 Answers Nov 24, 2011

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I'd give thanks for the people who were with me on the Holiday. I wouldn't worry about someone who chose to be elsewhere.

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hope you don't mind if I'm blunt. I think that when a parent gets hurt because their adult child won't do things their way, and on their terms, it can be controlling and manipulating behavior, that does not draw somebody close. It pushes them away. Our kids spent their whole live having to do everything we say. As an adult, they want to be treated like an adult. Try treating them more like a friend. would you EVER try to guilt trip your friends into doing anything ?

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Thanks for asking this...am dealing with the same thing. :(

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:-( I'm sorry, love. Especially under those circumstances.

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I have one daughter who hasn't attended family dinners for over 13 years. She has two sisters she hates, two daughters she won't have anything to do with, and her son's father, whom she hates. And if any one of them is going to be there, she won't be there. And then she tells us that we are terrible because we won't all just dump the ones she hates. She feels we have abandoned her. But, she has never been excluded. It is her choice. She has told her son she won't go to his little girls birthday parties if he invites his dad. He can't invite two of his sisters if he wants his mother. He can't have his favourite aunt there if he wants his mom. But her feelings are hurt.

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I hate when a family gets divided like that.

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Me too, although it is just one who split off, and she is now in therapy for her anger issues. They say she has BPD, and she will be in therapy 5 days a week for at least 2 years. It took her 45 years to get this way, so it will take a while to get better. So far, it has been 6 weeks, and I can see a difference in her. Not that I ever expect to see her at family dinner again. She is not the type to ever admit that she might have made a misjudgment against someone.

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Surprise, mine called me.

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Understand her predicament. Make it about her. I'm not trying to belittle your feelings, they are quite natural to all of us.

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Ask my mum ...

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