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IndependentGrl IndependentGrl 18-21, F 26 Answers Jan 5, 2009

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As you have read time and again, one must want to change themselves or do it for themselves. However personnal experiaences have demonstrated to me that OLD HABITS DON’T DIE THEY JUST HIBERNATE!

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You can't.<br />
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They have to want it for themselves.<br />
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You have to love yourself enough to keep your boundaries until (or if) they ever do seek help.

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I agree w/ all the other comments about the addict/alchoholic needing to want to help themselves. This is very true. EricS said that eventually he was escorted to rehab therefore he was forced to face his demons and this is also what happened to me. Sometimes that is what needs to happen but unfortunatly sometimes that is also left up to fait. There really isn't too much u can do. Alot of people said let this person fall to there bottom and though they are ultimately right, it is extremely difficult and painful 4 sum people to stand by and watch a loved 1 do that to themselves. u don't have to sit idly by if u don't want to. u can try sum of the tactics that have been recommended bcuz they cannot hurt and u never exactly know what can be the saving grace bcuz the recovery process is totally unique to each individual. But definately protect yourself and don't get caught up in the wheel. If you feel yourself slipping away, then you've done all u can do.

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By not enabling them. I have a sister who is an alcoholic....she has been for about 10 years. In the beginning I pleaded, begged, offered bribes and ultimatums, all to no avail....The judge ordered her into rehab, when she was caught driving under the influence, with her 8 year old son in the back....also, to no avail....<br />
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You cannot make someone want help....they have to get to the point where they want it for themselves. Your role is to not candy coat things, excuse their behavior away, or give into their lies and manipulations, which are many, because this is an addictive substance.<br />
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Good luck

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You can't...They have to hit rock bottom...>And only they know just where that is....

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you cant make anyone want to seek treatment... they have to want it in order to make it work for them... you can give them booklets and information regarding AA but you might want to start going to the family/ friend support version of AA.. I forget what its called... then maybe that person could see that you really are concerned about their drinking

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Most of these comments are 100% true. They have to want it. You can try all kinds of things. But until they really want to nothing will make them. First and foremost protect yourself. You may think that is being selfish but it is not.

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Talk to them about the effect it is having on love ones and state examples of the consequences(i.e broken homes, problems in their marriage) if they do not get treatment.

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The most you can do is have a heart to heart with this person and explain why you believe they have an alcohol addiction and why you see it as a problem (namely bad things that have happened as a result). Sometimes this can open a person's eyes. However, you do have to be prepared that the person will be in denial and this talk will do very little. Unfortunately if they remain in denial, you have to be sure to take care of yourself.

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Sadly SaratogaGirl, is right about this. Chances are they will do nothing to fix things right. It will slowly destroy them until they hit bottom and begin the recovery process, OR they live like a wreck and make it work because people prop them up and enable them.<br />
If it is your guy, you got a tough road to hoe. Good luck.

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Allow them to suffer. Keep the option of treatment open to them. Maybe if they're lucky, they'll become so miserable that they will want it.<br />
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In the meantime, take care of yourself. Go to AlAnon or another support group.

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I don't think you can make someone want it. Some people won't seek help no matter how they destroy their life and the lives of those they love. Alcohol is just the most important thing. You can try to get them to see how they are being destructive, but there are no guarantees.

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You can't make someone want to go, they have to do it for themselves or it will not work. I am going through this with my husband for alcohol and other things. I gave him an ultimatum on Dec 30, saying I would give him until Jan 31st to seek help or he needs to move out. It took him 2 days to decide that he really needed treatment, so he is in the process of finding a place, we will see if it actually happens. Good luck to you.

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You don't. It's impossible - it's something a person has to want for themself.

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the only thing u can control is u. i finally left and two weeks later he quit. he found a recovery program and he's been sober 10 months. did my leaving make him WANT to quit? who knows. but he obviously decided that the disadvantages to drinking outweighed any reason he had to drink. i sympathize. it's a hard thing to go through.

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you don't

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You can only pose the option. At the end of any day, it is the persons decision. <br />
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But if you were to get serious, there are other ways. Example: my friends called the police and had me escorted to rehab. <br />
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Just be there for the person in question, but NEVER enable them.

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You can't. All you can do is stop enabling them from a personal perspective, by refusing to buy alcohol for them, or giving them money to buy it themselves. Allow them to hit rock bottom; they will either seek help at that point, or they'll continue and kill themselves. I'm sorry, but this is the harsh reality of addiction. Be prepared for head games and guilt trips; try to stay strong - but get them to stop? Never; they have to WANT to & be READY to. Sadly, a lot never are, no matter how bad things get.<br />
One thing to try, purely as shock treatment, is film them when they're drunk & make them watch it sober - this should be enough to have them question their own behaviour, but nothing will make them quit until they're ready & even then, the whole process is frought with difficulty and risk of relapse. Good luck.

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I'm sure more people would seek treatment if it was actually effective. The 'recovery' industry is really more about tearing down people's senses of self-worth, and making them dependent on the cult-like ideation of 'recovery' than it is about actually healing people. It works for some, only because they're already at such a low in their lives, but it's not really a step up for most.

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The person has to hit their own bottom. No one can make them WANT to quit drinking, it is a decision they must reach on their own or they will not be sincere in their program of recovery.

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