this has to be the hardest thing in the world. i honestly think you'll just breath in and out for a very long time- merely existing. you'll mourn as long as you need to. hopefully one day you will begin to feel better.
You have to grieve your child. Every parent who has ever lost a child grieves it. Ask anyone who has...and you are no different than any other grieving mother. You will always, always have a hole in your heart because you lost this child. You go on one day at a time. You practice mindfulness. Think only of the tasks you are doing....I am ironing this shirt....I am washing these dishes....I am making the bed....concentrate on the small tasks and think only of them....and let time pass. Time is the only thing that will heal you even a little bit. It will always hurt ...but after a few years...not quite this much...and after a few more years....not quite as much...
I am so so sorry!
by grieving first....
My aunt gave birth to TWO dead babies. She was pregnant with twins. And back then , they didnt have the technology, the sonograms and all that stuff. But that was i believe over 40 years ago. And she still says at times "my twins would of been this age today." Shes still sadden by that. And although she did have three other children afterward, the twins still hold a place in her heart. I hope you get through this time of sorrow. My condolences goes out to you and your family.
you will be sad for a time ,then you realise that you are one of many that have experieced this
then you take comfort in knowing you can conceive ,this is a priviledge
then try again when the time is right