Every child has the right to know his or her father. If the father is belatedly coming to the realization that he should behave like a father...perhaps he should be given a chance.
I would gently ask your child if he or she had ever wondered about their father....and lead in from there.
hiding the truth is uttery wrong-whether or not she wants to see him, aside- she should not be mislead into thinking a man is her biological father--That deception will bite you in the @ss
The truth will aways be revealed so lying about it will only make things worse. It could be that it is time for the truth to be revealed and let the chips fall where they may. The truth will set you free.
this is one of the most horrid of lies told a child
I know a woman whose father similarly abandoned her at a very young age. Her mother died when she was very young and she was adopted by her grand parents. She always knew the truth about everything and at about 35, once her grandparents had passed away, chose to resume a relationship with her real dad. I advised against it but it seems to have been a good thing for her. Everyone is different so I cant say if it would help or hurt for the child to have a relationship. What I can say is that lies always hurt.
Youre child has the right to know her biological roots, that said, she already has a loving father from what ive read. If she is aware her Dad isnt her bio-dad then ask if she would like to meet him. Children are far smarter than many people think. The choice is to continue with the status quo and ensure the weak and errant father is never allowed access or get it over with, why your daughter is still young enough and resilient enough to survive what i guarantee to be a traumatic event. Time to discuss this as a family, you, your partner and your daughter together. Let her decide, as mentioned, resentment has a terrible way of eating away at stability in families.
Maybe ask the kid? i know that sounds rediculous but there always seems to be that point where if you deny him his father later on it causes issues but if his father is imposed on him it would be alot to process
well me personally wud ignore and posibly block but thats just me
whereas i believe every child has the right to contact with both parents. the absent parent need to no they cant not bother for so many ears and expect to just be able to walk back in to the childs life!
Hmmm tough one... Maybe block him and change your child's name so he can't contact again...? Or see what he wants? IDK sorry xoxo what's his story anyway?? Why has he been AWOL for 9+ years??
Hmmm yeah tough one babe. If he hasn't supported you in anyway it's kind of traumatic (I'm going by all the women my age who didn't have much contact with their fathers, which is why even though my ex and I will never get back together, I'm still allowing him to be involved in my 2yr old daughter's life. I feel that it's selfish of me and cruel on her to come in between their bond/relationship but your situation is different, he ****** off leaving you to do it all on your own nah **** that and getting back to females my age who had their father's suddenly remember they were alive it screwed them up completely. One woman had her dad come back with his new wife and she was HORRIBLE to his daughter and he took the side of the new wife?!?! Another one only did so so that he didn't have to pay so much in support. It screws up the child. They blame themselves :( I had one guy I knew ages ago thinking that his dad's leaving then reappearing (his dad had a lot of problems and ppl after him) was because he himself was the reason for him doing that so he got really depressed and it was so sad cos his poor mum tried so hard and worked 2 jobs to support him and his older sister. Anyway sorry for rambling so much , just wanted to give you some perspective I mean I see a lot of ppl saying every kid has a right to know their father, yeah maybe so, but at what price???
Aww I hope so babe as it would be a real shame if she took a huge step backwards after coming so far due to your ex having a possible negative impact. Everything is pretty much magnified and multiplied for children so they can't handle being let down as easy as we can babe which is why I'm very hard on my ex in regards to our daughter xoxo
Aww big hugs babe and he's going to have to just learn to take responsibility for his actions :( everyone has choices and he chose to do that so he has to live with that decision :(
Aww she'll love you babe always. Don't let any of the trolls on here get to you with their **** :( she will understand that you did what you had to do :( life isn't a fairy tale unfortunately :(
I had to learn that the hard way :( but all the best beautiful and you are not a bad person at all and you're a fantastic mum xoxo
Aww hugs back ;) we've gotta stick together against the nasty ppl that try to bring us down xoxo
Independently of the kid... do you want to reopen communication with your ex?
Well, if you don't want to reopen communication with your ex, and if your daughter already has a stepfather... well maybe you can wait that she grows up. In the meantime you can tell her about her biological father... but there's no hurry to make them meet, I guess.
Ignore it. you don't want him to show up and then walk out again that will only bring pain to ur child. when he turns 18 he can decide for himself whether to meet him or not.
Every child has a fundamental human right to his own father. Depriving a child of his father is child abuse.
She didn't deprive her daughter of her biological father, he chose to abandon them, back when her daughter was 5 months old. He's been AWOL all this time and now wants to waltz back into the child's life. I completely agree with the mother to be wary and proceed with caution :/
No, Vixen, that old cowshit doesn't fly. The child has been denied access to his or her father because of the MOTHER's bad decisions and actions.
Yes, blame the nearest man. It does sound like cowshit.
Just ignore dozer Dan, sasha. He's a misogynistic chauvinistic troll who is just stirring the ****. Just ignore him until he crawls back under his rock, the caveman he is :(
Yep. Just sling more cowshit. That will work. Sorry about the unfortunate child who is being deprived of his human rights to his father.
You only have to view his profile to get an insight into just what kind of a sad pathetic man he really is. He believes that all children should be removed from their mothers (?!?) that we don't need women to have babies (talk about delusional) that breast feeding is a feminist controversy theory so that women can keep men away from the child and poison the child against the father.... Right....
He's a very confused gutless little troll with a lot of issues.....
I am so sorry for the child.
Lol yeah, Dozer Dan what is your real issue here? Sasha sounds like a good mother why all the hatred? The guy made his choice all by himself, he had no gun held up at him or anything :( stop trying to make an issue out of nothing here :( develop an understanding. Not all women are evil. You seem to have a lot of issues so maybe deal with those first :( grow up as well, it'll do you the world of good :(
No, Vixen, I would not call her " a good mother" form the information provided. Her decisions resulted in depriving her child of the love and teaching of his father for his first 11 years, and now she's looking for support to keep driving him away and continuing the child's lack of his father. I call that bad parenting.
Your attack the man psychobabble is offensive too.
No the only one that changed is you, after 9 years and everything in your life is settled now with another man in your lives? I would say move on with what you have now.
My 18 year old son saw his "father" for the first time in 15 years- had no memoryof him (my husband raised him)-x came to my home office to p/u work- he's a process server- my son came home early. My son was better than fine- if you raise them with some sense of their origion and they see the life they have without him- there will be no shock. Your son will have a problem because you never told him about the "father" and his entire sense of self can be rocked. The father was a **** to begin with bugging out- but YOU had the responsibility to your son not to have allowed somehting like this to be a surprise- you were the only parent he could trust
Do what you feel is right
Ignore it. Pretty simple I think.
block them...i had the same problem...
she knew about him so slightly different...and yeah all ok...no trouble ...best thing to do i reckon
my daughters father re appeared after 10years and expected her to be ok with that...she told him where to go...lol...he cant deal with it...but its his bed he can lie in it...so long as it comes from your child then they have to deal with it