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Have been together 20 years married 17. Both of us have made mistakes. 5 years into the relationship I had a 1 night stand. 6 months ago he cheated with a coworker. Should also add that I had already caught him texting her 3 months earlier and that he said he ended it. He cheated while I was recovering from a surgery. I have forgiven him but do not seem able to find the trust. Neither of us has been truly happy for probably the last 5 years. I love him but do not believe I am in love with him. Do not know what to do.
confusedandisolated confusedandisolated 46-50, F 3 Answers May 4, 2010

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Have you tried councilling? 20 years is hard to break but your not happy, your cheating and lying. You asking this question in the 1st place is a sign that it it should probaly be ended but I really recommend couples therapy 1st.

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Now, i know about this stuff, am going thru it now and i married for nearly 20 long years unhappy many many years, i have 2 dependant children, and god i am getting out. he cheated 5 yrs ago twice almost a third and i can't wait to be living my own life away from him. I take totally what bliss407 is saying and know EXACTLY WHAT SHE MEANS. I have yet to meet my MR LEO (starsign!) I refuse to look back, loads of it is misery. I will look forward to being happy, and as each day goes i'm getting more independant, baby steps, but i'm doing it !<br />
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I am doing this for myself and my girls, i don't want them growing up thinking it's ok for a male (i won't call him a man - he's not) to be abusive and controlling.<br />
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My advice if you can't improve on what you have and know it's REALLY OVER then go for it, find your new life as i will do and do not look back. just be sure IT'S OVER.<br />
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Confusedandisolated, you don't need to be, just figure out what YOU WANT. Good Luck<br />
Love Wish x<br />
P.s. bliss407 gave excellent advice, it's that kind that helps to motivate.

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