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How is it possible to say what your going threw is worse then if you leave and find something else as in another way of life without him, beings you don't know what the something else is how do you know what you have isn't better?
live2love2laph2always live2love2laph2always 26-30, F 10 Answers Apr 30, 2013 in Struggles

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When you realize that it is never going to work out, and that you are not happy. You have to live your life how you want and be happy otherwise life will suck and you will give up on it. I realize that you have children and all, but you can't live being miserable. Don't worry about what you might find later. Just realize that you aren't happy, and you have to do something to change that, otherwise you will just live a horrible miserable life. I hope that things get better for you and that you become happy. :-)

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what if your afraid that leaving will cause more distress on the kids as he has clearly stated that if I leave he wants nothing to do with them or me ever again and there is no coming back. im just afraid to choose the wrong path as I don't wanna end up hurting my kids but my soul is hurting so bad I feel like im killing myself.

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Well first off I can tell you from experience that I have faced a situation at the age of 14 where I faced a hard choice such as this. My mother was taken from me, so I lived with my step-dad and step brother and sister. Me and my step brother were very close. My step dad made me choose between living with my family (my mothers side) and never see any of them (including my brother and best friend), or live with my evil step dad and his evil girlfriend and never see my real (mothers side of family) ever again. But by that experience and what I learned from what you just said, I will simply say this: If he said that then he doesn't care about you or your kids anyway. It may hurt them now, but you are doing them a favor by taking that a$$ out of the picture. It sounds like he will do more harm than good in the long run. You are killing yourself, slowly....trust me, I know.

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If in the 7 years you've been together you've spent more time crying, fighting, arguing than you have loving and growing with each other than there's something better out there for you.

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How do you know...? Read the Featured Story on my profile, called "The Four Elements". It's a measuring stick to determine the health and value of investing time, effort and energy into relationships. By the time you are done reading it, if you don't have an answer to your own question...? You didn't read it.<br />
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Good luck, and if you want to talk about it, my inbox is always open.

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Is it worth fighting for? Are you happier without him? Is he putting in any effort? What do you have to lose? These are the questions you should ask yourself.

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My kids need their father is the only reason I can come up with to fight anymore. I honestly don't know if Im happier without him as I was 17 when we got together and he was the first non hs puppy love relationship. and his only effort is through words. that is half my problem I think. if he wanted me to stay wouldn't he do everything he could and show me in every way that he wanted to keep me not just say oh I love you. I have seven yrs of life, a lot of comfort and my child's father to lose. plus the house which is in his name and puts me and my kids on the streets because my family isn't worth a dam and I have no money saved up.

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I'm sorry you are going through this but it's a tough situation you are in. Firstly, you need to gain some independence. I know it's hard but start slow. Do you have a job? Friends that can help you through this tough time? Being miserable is not healthy for your kids either. What is it that you don't like about the relationship?

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I don't have a job as what I would make a meaningless job would just barley cover the child care, and there for seems pointless to not raise my children myself then to have a stranger do it so I can have an extra ten bucks. plus with my oldest still being in headstart I have to take her to and from school so its very hard to find a job in my area that is willing to work around that. as far as friends I honestly don't have to many who can do much of anything and at even talking to them they have already formed opinions and are not helpful. the relationship is almost nonexistent it seems. we do nothing together anything I come up with to do its we don't have the money or im to tired or something like that. watching movies at home doesn't work because it always leads to sex or him sleeping. the only time he comes around me is to have sex. he plays a video game all the time and myself and kids ask him to get off and if he replys its in a min. wich never comes till time for bed or sex. I know for some that would be cool but for me it isn't is it to much to ask to put forth a bit of effort or for me to want more in a relationship then sex. we never really did go out on dates or anything cuz when we first met he was my manager and it was prohibited. I don't know how I let myself stay with him in the beginning cuz it was really sucky and had to be all secretive. honestly made him never have to put forth any effort in getting me so now hes just not willing to put forth any effort in keeping me it seems.I came up with cool ideas we could do for around $10 but he said no cuz we didn't have the money. if nothing in the house will work and we have no money to do anything according to him and the free stuff hes to tired to do or doesn't do, I don't know what else can help. im at a loss and only option I can see is calling it quits but then that leaves my children fatherless. so making myself happy and making them hurt or me hurt and them have him.

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I hope today was a better day for you. You are stuck between a hard place and a rock. It's not easy to leave in this situation. You have no money and the kids are gonna miss their dad and the family being together. How about discussing a separation. I hope talking about it makes you feel a little better.

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If the sheer thought of him makes you well up with tears and serious depressive thoughts and sadness, it's time to leave.

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How bad is it? Do you even like the father? The fact that you even have questions about the relationship is a red flag.

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When you have to ask if it's time to give up on a 7 year relationship.

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