Resolved Question

How do you know when to give up on your relationship and move on?

I have been with him for over five years yet he is not responsible or the kind of man who takes care of his woman emotionally for financially. But I know that he really loves me and I love him. How much do I take? Should I give him another chance or do I move on? Five years is a long time to throw away.

If you are married- you don't give up. But I assume you are not.

The stuff you speak of though are things you will have to deal with in even the most perfect marriage relationship too though- another person's personality characteristics.

There are a couple of sides to it you could look at.

Have you told him how he makes you feel? Kindness and consideration in a relationship is a must in a relationship- but it is not always natural. A LOT of people think, 'I'm am just not the kind of person who
who takes care of his woman emotionally"- it is almost men like this are under some sort of spell- they don't believe they can change or don't want to- they expect the women to 'accept them as they are'.

But in truth even if they do not realize it, it is a matter of priority and choice. They have to choose to show they to care about another person. But they have to be shown to. Do you treat him the way you want him to treat you? If you are modeling it and you are getting a positive response back then he may fall into the vibe and treat you the same way back. You are not responsible for another person's behavior of course, but you are responsible for working on a relationship- and that is what this is about- exchange between you and him.

Have you ever discussed with him what marriage would look like? You CAN create your own reality. That is the beauty of marrying someone who is totally open to you and open to himself- you guys can create something totally knew together. This type of unconditional acceptance in marriage makes the best marriages.

One last thing about the affection point. Are you positive he doesn't take care of you emotionally, or is it just that he doesn't do it the way you want him to? This is an important point- because it could be that he does and you have grown up with a particular picture of what emtional caring is that blocks you from actually feeling the emotional connection you two could actually have. I know I went through this and ever since I dropped any expectations whatsoever from my husband and have been open to going crazy over the way he naturally treats me, everything has changed- it has been amazing. Nothing changed but everything changed (it has been like this for 5 years now). This is what happens when you treat someone unconditionally. So what you can do is go crazy over his 'normal way of being'- you said you love him- now show it by loving every thing about him. Take note of every moment you are with him and comment about how he reacts, the way his body moves- build HIM up for being the person he naturally is- and he will begin to see himself in a new way and he will see you in a new way- what will change and become more obvious is the emotional connection between the two of you.

Finally- the financial stuff. Responsibility in this area is absolutely critical- I can not stress this enough. Have you two considered taking a class together on this? I suggest this because it is so critical that you two are on the same page in this area.

In the end the choice is yours. If you decide to break it off, with distance you will be able to tell if it was actually love you are feeling, or just love towards him as a friend.
Also, you know all the factors in his personality- we don't. Only you can really make a decision. If he is irresponsible in the emotional and financial area (rather than just different than you and what you expect)- then you may want to ask yourself why you put up with mistreatment, and start treating yourself the way you want to be treated by others.

But whatever you decide, make sure YOU are taking care of yourself exactly in the way you want to, and make sure you are on solid ground in terms of your direction and your future, and then you will know how any given relationship fits into the picture of your life.