When respect is gone.
When it feels like a relief to be away from your spouse.
When they don't make your day better... ever.
When you see yourself in the future with them, and you shiver.
When every day you daydream about the things you could be doing if they were not there.
my marriage was over before it started,my husband is always angery over being confronted over simple things.and no truth rolls from the very mouth that he says I love you with,,while on the internet talking with other wemen trying to hook up and makes an *** out of me in public every chance he can because he needs to be validated by strangers tht im an *******,and for no good reason except tht he is mean and nasty and self seving.im not feeling nothing whis he would just leave he is so very selfish and unkind...
When you no longer can stand it and are willing to risk it all to find someone else to fill the void in your life. When you begin to Google "How to ask for a divorce". or when you visit an attorney for the facts. When you no longer care or know it will never change.....
...a marriage can be broken for years. ultimately, it is over when you are ready to walk away from it...
Your marriage is over when you feel nothing. There is no more anger, hatred , love, like; just nothing. The things that your spouse has done that could trigger you into going into a homicial rage does not even cause an aggravated twitch. It is not about controlling your emotions and reactions. It is about not having any.
In response to stephaniecbennett:With all due respect, I fear that you are living in a fantasy world. Love is the most fragile of emotions and really in the grand scheme of things not the only reason to stay married. Sometimes so much has been said and done that it leaves the marriage beyond repair. You state that if you love your spouse and he loves you.......Let me tell you when you start questioning if your marriage is over, I don't think you are feeling much of the love. To say when promises and pledges are made that doubts should not compromise your marriage and to ask yourself what is really going on is to tell someone that regardless of the toxicity within your marriage you should stay loyal to the initial promise of love. When you are looking at someone who has had the crap beat out of them for the umpteenth time or is married to the drug addicted, **** addicted adulterer who does not support the family and degrades them to the point that they are only the shell of the bright vibrant person they once were, are you going to ask but don't you still love him? Yes, despite all that some women go through, when asked why don't you leave, more often than not the reply will be but I still love him. The question that should be asked is what do you love about him.Love may be a strong emotion but it is not a reason to stay nor should it be.
@Stu77, While agree with you on most of what you have said I feel compelled to add that abuse in marriage is NOT always from the man. In fact, on 14% of ALL domestic violence against men is ever reported. Further, as a man who has been verbally and even physically "beaten to a pulp" by a woman I have been blessed to be able to see things from a much more complete vantage point.
While, yes, I do still love her, I have very little confidence that she will change. She is wonderful to everyone around her and our kids adore her because she is a good mom but because I am a man I should be able to take what her mother dished out to her father for 40 years. Talking doesn't work because she is NEVER wrong and when she does feel guilt it is superficial and short lived.
I say all of this to remind each of you that gender has nothing to do with the rolls played out in a dysfunctional marriage.
I think that too often we as people lose site of the principals of the "Golden Rule" and only focus in on "Ruling". If we as spouses were to honestly take a hard look at ourselves and NOT what the other person is or isn't doing we may find out that our lives are actually grand.
Also, ladies, if you want your husbands to do something for you be sweet and ask. If that doesn't work then show the patience that you would like displayed with you and ask why. Don't badger, rather take time to express sincere appreciation for what your man actually does do. The best way to get what you want is to encourage him not destroy him! He needs to know that you see him as THE man and you "WANT him" not just that you need him.
Guys, take a hard look at yourselves! Every commercial has us either as an idiot that cannot do ANYTHING right or some fool who is so disconnected from his kids that everything HAS TO go through mom! What is wrong here? We apparently have not been living up to our gifts and duties if that is what is the accepted view of husbands and fathers. We are men! Most of us played sports and can read plays/defenses a mile a way! Why then is it so easy for us to take such a diminished position in life and family? That is NOT to say that we start chest beating and ordering our wives around rather to say we need to do self inventory of ourselves. Take more time to SHOW that you love her. Tell her how much she means to you. Ask her about the things that she would like from you and to see happen in your marriage.
Negotiate but most importantly love her for all that she is and that is your life shareholder.
If all else fails and you have a marriage like mine you can do like I have elected to try and that is to seek counseling or leave with a clear conscience.
"Your marriage is over when you feel nothing."
Smack dab in the middle of the target!
when you catch yourself fantasizing about what you'll do when you're single. no, not "that" -- but things like what kind of home you'll look for next, if you want to get a pet, what color you'd paint your bedroom, what foods you'd eat that they don't like. just a background daydream of life without them.
I ask myself the same question every day.....and, according to all the answers given so far....I'd say mine is probably over. Just wish I knew where to go from here.....sigh!
When one of the two people knows that he or she has done EVERYTHING possible to work things out and things aren't getting any better or even showing any signs of getting better and that person is finally fed up enough to say ENOUGH and that person's situation allows them to survive without their partner's financial contribution -- THEN the marriage is over.
If your asking it's over
When the anger has passed and you feel only pity or sympathy for your partner. Love can (often does) remain. Liking him/her is also possible. But when you feel burdened by the person and feel pity for them rather than anger, it is over IMO. . . .
When you would rather be at work than home...and this is assumin you REALLY hate your job
I have to agree with all of the above...in the very same situation...after 30 years..I feel I have lost a lot of years of my life I will never get back...I want to be happy in the years remaining...I was blind for so long....I have to get the courage to leave..I am almost there...
When you start thinking of and preferring to be with someone other than your husband.
I think I way to tell is if your hubby wants to make love and you do it but, you don't feel anything anymore. And can go on with out having sex for along time.
When he becomes a brother not a husband!!!!
He has told me he wants out, the first time I left our house for a week and a half, he texted me and said he loves me and he wants me back, he said its something stronger than him, he was sorry for what he said and he was stupid for saying it. Two months later he said it again, Im so comfused. We have been together for 11 yrs. we have a son together, we fight but when we are good, hes very loving and caring for us, and my feelings. Help me what do I do
Hi it seems like I'm in the same situation now. Was wondering if you would like to talk. I know u posted this 4 months ago. So maybe u can help me now.
When you daydream about another life. Everyday.
When you are so lonely you can't sleep lying next to someone
When there is no anger, or bitterness (that comes later)...but an endless sadness.
The upside, these all get reversed when you find yourself and someone else does too.
Then you daydream about this life
Then you are so happy you sleep without dreaming next to someone
Then there is an endless smirk on your face
A marriage is over when you spend time with your hasband and you feel alone., when you speak to him and don't hear any answer, when you don't make any plans in the future together, when you look at him and see an unknown man and don't feel any passion. sorry for my english:)
A marriage is over when all you can think about and imagine is all the things he did with her, how they had sex, what events he took her to, who he introduced her to and what a fool you are in getting back together with him. If your life was better before he was in it and your life has become a misery ONLY because of how being with him makes you feel AND you are depressed to the point that you cannot function with the rest of things and life AND even though he is at his best behavior and even kisses *** but you still can't trust him or get out of the depression then the marriage is over because the relationship is starting to destroy your person.
When you constantly think he is the reason why you live like hell.
Some marraiges last beyond divorce and even death. If you cross the street when you see your spouse coming in the opposite direction - your marraige is probably over!!!!